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Getting Any (Takeshi Kitano)

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Miami P.D special task force
Hey, that's the wrong title
Is it?
Pull it down. Pull it down.
Not up. Pull it down.
What is this?
Where did you get this?
Miss, would you like a ride?
A drive home?
Are you sure?
I couldn't catch a cab and I was beginning to...
Hop in
This is a nice car.
It's just a cheap one.
How about making love in the car Miss?
Do you dislike it?
I need a car
To get laid, I need a car.
That's it! I am going to buy a car!
Anything specific, sir?
I want a car I can have sex in.
Excuse me, sir.
We have all kinds.
How is it?
Isn't it a bit small?
Please make some adjustments.
How much do you intend to spend?
About $2,000
Thank you very much, sir
You listen well, woman.
Don't even dream you can leave my car unharmed
Just take your clothes off.
Perfect. Rehearsal over.
Hi, miss.
A ride, miss?
And do what? sexes?
You dislike it?
Miss, would you like a ride?
You mean me?
A ride home?
You whacko
I know what's on your mind
Goddamn! You'll never get what you what
Think about your looks
Sperm brain
Can't even start the engine
Take a look at yourself
Asshole, dirty old man...
Trying to lure women with that piece of junk
Dick head...
The bus broke down Can you offer a ride?
Well, of course
Everybody, he said yes
Hurry up, come on...
Stop, get off of my car, no
Hey, get off
It's funny The car doesn't attract any women
A convertible must be appealing
A convertible...
Must be really expensive
Is there anything to sell?
Can you help me out?
Aren't you lucky You get a liver and kidneys
You have it all wrong
My son gets the liver
Thank you very much, doctor
Slightly used, but will function
How fortunate
A convertible?
Convertibles must be more appealing
You have one?
Yes, of course
Excuse me, sir
Would you like to see one?
How is it?
It's great
Can I pay on installment?
Yes, sir
Your payment schedule?
$500 cash and about $3 each month
How is it?
This isn't the one I bought
Can you tell?
Sure I can
The other car was so corny I wouldn't recommend it
This is better for picking up women
Are you sure?
I must be going
Didn't you sell this car?
He insisted on the other
I see
What shall we do?
What shall we?
A wedding, sir?
What the fuck do you think?
This car is defected
So sorry. I forgot to tell you
The lighter is broken
That's not the point
You'll have to excuse me
I have a date
You mother fucker
Miss, let's do it It's a convertible
Miss. have a ride
Let's have sex in the car
Let's drive to Lake Ashino and have sex there
Miss, don't you like sex?
Won't you buy this?
For how much?
About $30,000
Yes, a repairman The brakes are broken
Why don't I steal this?
What an Idiot
A jumbo plane
First class must have great service
You have a first class ticket?
One moment, sir
I need some money
I should rob a bank
I need a gun
Policemen have guns
Hand over your gun
No good
I should go to a factory in Kawaguchi. And make a gun there
First, I get a job at a factory
This is Asao. He'll be working with us from today
Nice to meet you
How do you do
Japan and Iran should cooperate in the area of ecology
Such as endangered species
I'll work hard and
earn their trust
Come on. Help yourself
You'll get a raise next month
We want eat whale meat
And... when night comes
More to the right
I make a gun
Now, I can rob a band and
fly on a jumbo
It'll work. I'm off to Kawaguchi
Keep this piece and car for me will you?
Hand over the money
Excuse me
Mrs. Yoshida, your money's ready
Give me the money
1, 2, 3, 4...
100,000. Here you are
Shut up. The money
Very well, sir
Take the number card and wait for your turn
Mr. Yoshikawa. Your turn
This is a robbery
Hand over the money
Close the shutter
I said close it
There's a man here to inspect the safe
To inspect the safe?
Haven't been told
He hasn't been told
Yes, ma'am
There's a man here begging for money
Gather around please
He's from the Public Health Bureau
There is a plague spreading in this neighborhood
For your protection
We'd like you all to take this medicine
We need your cooperation Please pass it around
Wait! I said wait!
What is this? I should be doing this
I am happy to be here at this happy occasion
Are your glasses filled?
I am much honored to lead the toast
Raise your glasses. Cheers
Bank's vehicle
It's under construction Please stop the van
Lucky I had the bulletproof vest on
Stop. Stop the car. To the left
To the left and stop
I've just been told that
there's bomb in this car
Get out immediately
Please hurry. It might explode
The bomb. Run for your life The bomb's lit
I did it! I did it! I really did it
It worked so well
Oh, no
It's on fire. The money's burning
Darn. Forgot to tie them together
Discount King carries $400,00 cash
Discount King
That's right
How much?
Between 380
to 400 thousand
How much can that case hold?
If they're all new bills
about $1 million
In this?
If they're new bills
And your don't have any bodyguards?
No, not at all
Hiring guard's will raise the cost of the goods
and raise the retail price
Freeze. You're under arrest
Everybody, freeze
You're under arrest
Everybody, freeze
You're under arrest
You're under arrest
I say you're under arrest
You're under arrest
Excuse me
Aren't you George Saotome the actor?
I'm an ardent fan of yours
Fuck me
Maybe I'll take up acting
Voice not thy need
Though a base beggar there may be in his possession
If limitations span solely to requirements of nature
man's life will be reduced to that of a miserable beast
Women of high standing
That's enough
Thank you
I'm Goro Kawasaki Thank you for your time
All right. Next
No. 1 2
Yes, Daigoro
You have grown so big
Pa. I've been a good boy and waited for your return
I'm sorry we must live like this
By the way
When did you grow the 3rd eye?
That's enough
Let us do some more
But I want to be in a film
I want to be in your film
Stop talking like that
I'm sorry
Get out of here
I'm sorry
Pa, let's go home
Yes, son, let's go home
This isn't Akira Kurosawa's
The Seige of Moscow
Mr. Koskanovich?
Wrong studio
No. 1 3
How do you do
Play with your hairs
A bagworm
Play with your hairs
A boat
Play with your hairs
Beatles hair idol
Play with your hairs
Pubic hair
You're accepted
Where's my agent?
I want coffee. Where's my coffee
Do you need to work later?
So much work makes me tired
Had some beers with a blond in roppongi
She had big tits with small nipples
They sure keep us waiting
What's keeping them?
That's good
All right
Now, the take
We're going for the take
We must meet our fate
Assist me
Okay. We're ready
Let's get the close up
Staff, prepare for the close up
Get ready. Now...the close up
You. It's you
Get out of the way.
Let's see
Today's an important scene Yes
Put your mind to it
Who's front? I am, sir
You'll get a close up
Okay. Let's go
Ready, sir
Extras, start action
Ready. Action
What're you guys doing?
Well, he insisted being in front
Who ever decided that?
Stop goofing off, asshole
Is the medicine vendor here?
Goro Saotome at your service
This is our lead, Mr. Kasu
I'm Goro Saotome How do you do, sir
Nice knowing you
Your role is to come late and jump on the boat
Do I get a close-up?
Yeah, when you go on the boat
Thank you. I appreciate it
It's certainly a fine day
Everybody on board The boat is leaving
Hurry up, mister
How is he?
He won't make it
What're we suppose to do with our lead drowned?
Get someone else?
I guess so
It's certainly a fine day
Can he really play the role?
He looks confident
I'm told he graduated UCLA as a drama major
That's really something
I'll show you. Please watch me
Yes, I will
Do you gents intend to kill me?
Found you at last
Fellas, mince him
Go for the take
The take The take
Welcome, sir
I'd like some tea
Found you at last
Fellas, mince him
He has his eyes open
Cut, Cut...
What's a blind masseur doing with his eyes open?
Do you really graduate UCLA?
No, I'm with Tampopo Company
Even Tampopo knows better
This time, close your eyes
I know
Don't forget
Another take
Welcome, sir
I'd like some tea
Found you at last
Close your eyes
What's he holding? It's the manure scoop
Someone, stop him
Pew! Stop it!
Someone, do something
What're you doing?
It's suffocating
Can you play some other role?
The next scene is important
Yesterday was a nightmare
I just got carried away
Because of that
you grabbed the manure scoop?
I'll try really hard
There's a fire
The oil shop's one fire
My grandson is in the fire
He's still in the house
Help! Help!
Please help! Help me
What is the matter?
My grandson is in the fire
Will someone holds this for me?
That's oil
This is it. The lost treasure
May I join you in finding the lost gold
That's great I'm in need of manpower
Please. This way
Have a seat
What's this bird?
It's a canary. In cold mines
it drops dead when there's gas
So as long as it's chirping it's safe
That's useful
This is it
Good grief! Someone's already here
Oh, it's mine
Can we split it half and half?
I've already done some work I want 70
Then we go 70: 70
What nonsense is this?
The sum has to be 100
Then I take 1 50 and you take minus 50
Let's take a break
Hey, fella
Smell something?
No need to worry The canary is chirping
You're right
May I have a light?
Ma, this is disaster let's get out of here
Run for your life
Hey, fella
Wanna try for the lost Hideyoshi treasure?
Call me when you find it
Tough bird. Must be wild
A cessna...
Please enjoy this flight
Thank you
Our infight service
A Cessna's not bad
But...I'm dead broke
Take care of this car and the dope
Is this it? Yes
You sure have a lot better be the real thing
It is
Dr. Chin
Would you examine this?
He's going bananas
Must be genuine
Can I ride on a Cessna here?
You sure can
What about today?
Yes, right away It's a sightseeing flight
Thank you
Why did you want to fly a Cessna?
The sky's wonderful
When I flying, I can forget all the terrible things
Do you have infight service?
Infight service?
Of course
Shall we take off?
How dare you sit in front of me?
You're blocking the view
That's no different
Sit in the back
Not right behind me Sit further back
This is your captain
Welcome on board Instant Hell Airline
We will now begin
our infight service. Let's go
Let's go. It's show time
''Instant Hell Airline''
Stretch it. Man-pole
Spread it. Man-pole
Frig it. Frig it. Man-pole Feels good
See you guys later
The parachute
The parachute...
The parachute...
Where is the parachute?
Hey. Who do you think I am?
You'll be shitless
I'm Joe Shishhido, the hitman
We welcome you
I'm not Shishido
Want to hide your identity, huh?
Hey, guys. He's hiding his identity
What a guy! Please come with us
He's here
You're late. What took you so long?
Sorry, boss
So you're the famous hitman
Joe Weirdo?
It's Shishido
yeah, yeah. I know Don't interfere
Show us how good you are with your gun
No problem
Is this the spot?
It's not any different from the other spot
Here were, Mr. Weirdo
It's Shishido
Mr. Joe. Show us how good you are
Can't you be original?
I know it
You'll try to impress us but with the same gig
Throw that in the air?
See. I told you
Wow. A new gig...shit!
Hey! When will you kill the boss?
Hurry up
Kill me?
He was a fucking spy
You're great. Really great
A terrific hitman. Best hitman in Japan. A great hitman
That's enough
Honorable guest Drink and sing all you like
This is all for you
Go ahead. Help yourself
The silhouette shows
This is really cool
Do the silhouette show
First, a dog
Oh, my, how cute
A wild boar
Wow, how frightening
A bear
The big bad bear
What's that shit?
They look the same. You morons
What's next?
A lizard
Now, a lizard
How revolting. The slimy creature
What's next?
A toad
Next, a toad
Oh, no. The ugly toady
What's next?
I don't know
Next, unknown object
What could that be? Asshole
What's wrong with your guys?
What's up?
Boss. We caught a spy
The bastard was checking out the house
What shall we do?
The minamikata family boss...
As him where he is?
And then show him our hospitality
Yes, boss
Osamu dear
Asshole, you scared me
I'm stilling 16...
Don't give me that smile
and I'm a virgin
I'm having my first date with my sweetheart
I'm going to do it
Turn around. Turn around
Let's go look at the spy
He might have welted
You may be right
I didn't mean this hospitality?
Won't welch
How can he welch with this
Honorable guest can you help us out?
Where is Minamikata?
It's hurt
Help. Help. Please help me
Help me
It hurts, really hurts...
Why don't you drip this on his back, too?
This usually works
Please don't
You'd got to tell
Please. Don't do it
Please stop. It really hurts
I'll say What are you doing?
It hurts so bad
Do it to him, not me
It hurts
Why are you dripping all that wax on me?
What's with you? You scumbag
That really hurts
You scumbag Lard ass
You scumbag
I'll punish you
Please. I'll say anything
Anything you want to know
I'm not interested in you
This is between you and me
That hurts
Are there any volunteers?
A bunch of miserable cowards
Isn't there anyone brave enough to kill the enemy boss?
Let me go
Honorable guest, will you?
If I don't go, who will? Let me go
He's a great guy
I never thought there still was a man of honor in Japan
I don't care where. Just step on it
Hurry. Hurry
This is the picture of the enemy boss
He's just gone to the barber It's the latest information
Honorable guest, we count on you
Do it for us
I see
Excuse me
Take this to that barber shop and
hand it to the boss of the Minamikata family
What is this?
A birthday cake
Why don't you take it yourself?
I'm bashful
You like this person?
All right. I understand
I just hand it to him?
It's a cake, huh?
Yes, a birthday cake
Hey, I have a cake
Did you get a job?
Yes. Why don't we celebrate?
Takuya, we have a cake
Wow. A cake. A cake
I hear a ticking
Yes, a special cake
Let's do our dance Around the table as usual
A cake. A cake. A cake...
Listen. I said listen
Everybody quiet
One singer's head is bigger than Fuji Mount
What's up, boss?
I love that line
Which line, boss?
Missy, I'm in love with you
Challenge for a duel?
The messenger's downstairs?
Come with me
What do you want?
So you're the one
Are you going to accept or not? Decide now
This isn't a kid's game
But you are a kid
Hey, fellas
Oh, you're behind me
Come with me
Where the hell is Akeiwa?
Are you blind? I'm here
I want your goddamn family out of my turf
You're the one getting out
You dirty bastard
You dirty bastard
What did you say?
Wait a minute
Big boss
I want you both to listen to what I have to say
No way
You stay out of this
Better no fuck with me
Are you going to do it or not?
We'll wipe your out
Wait. Wait a minute
Just listen to what I have to say
There are those who incline to evil
And they persecute the good
Get out of here
Not that again
Okay. Let's start
It'll be a bloody massacre
Wait a minute. I said wait a minute
I want you to listen to your class president
Hey. You heard what he has said
Let's listen to the class president
I don't want any life wasted
Why don't you let me solve this situation?
Square it out with your best gun
In that case we have a terrific gunman
Throw a 500 coin
He shoots from below and it'll end up like this
We have a terrific one, too
Paper, scissors, bang
Three steps
That imbecile. All you do is shoot a hole in a coin
Oh, my. How terrible What a chilling sight
Shut your trap
If you're a real yakuza
let's settle this with the sword
I've been waiting for that
It's your show
The fly...It's cut into two
What is this? Just a hand
It's a germ. A germ
It's the atom nucleus
The atom nucleus
Honorary guest show us something better
Place an apple on big boss's head
Blindfold him Cut the apple into two
This is highly technical
We'll call this
Red Apple for Two
Honorary guest
show them your art
What have you done to big boss?
Honorary guest
Hey, fellas, wipe them out
''A women's bath''
If I were invisible, I could peep
Hey, you
Didn't you say you want the old age pensions?
I didn't say that
I said if I were invisible I could peep
Oh, My Buddha
Give me that
Look at this carefully
Invisible Man promotion Association?
Why do you want to be invisible?
I want to peep
You want to peep
A quite concise and powerful reason good
Thank you
I'll ask you some questions How tall you are?
One hundred and seventy centimeters
Weight? Sixty-three kilograms
Names? Asiga Makodo
What? I'm not asking you
I'm asking him
How tall are you?
One hundred and seventy five acres
One hundred and seventy five acres? How about weight?
Sixty eight gallons
He is in disorder It's quite strange
Okay, anesthesia him Yes
Come on, breath, breath, breath
You cannot aspirate
Your name, please
It didn't work
Quite unusual
Look at my finger concentrate to it
We made it, it works
Your name, please? Asao
There's nothing I can do
Maylos, Maylos makes a pointment...
Maylos is running
His friendship with Tommy... Is it work?
It's work
Okay, put it into the capsule Yes
This is...
What didn't you take good care of it?
I'm sorry This is an input formula error
Only the clothes are invisible
You'll be okay
Everything is correct now
Come on we want to make you invisible
It'll be succeed and then you can peep
Come on, ready?
Cell? Okay
Acid element water element and the atom
Everything is okay
Hello Hello
Hello what, why are you here?
Damn it
What are you doing?
I'm sorry
He's the one who wants to enter it
What are we gonna do if you died?
How about the situation?
There are good responses
The body cell turn into the acid element
The air
He becomes invisible gradually
That's excellent
We did it
We did it
The world is gonna be curious about this
The Nobel Prize
The Nobel Prize
He's running away
What're we gonna do?
What shall we do?
Will he be in the bath?
I met him in the bath last time
He'll come to the bath and peep
What is this?
You dare to carry it even you don't know what it is
This is a uncover invisible man device
If you pull it down the invisible man can be seen
Yes When in normal times
just pull it up Yes
Please don't waste the power
Did you carry it for fun?
Guest, this is for female
I am a sissy
No way
No, please, let me in
Maylos, Maylos
It's really hurts get down, asshole
It hurts so bad...junk...
Okay, I still want to work hard today
You are full of energy Indeed
Where am I?
The violent sex film studio
It's quite beautiful
The pretty body with the lovable baby face
You did a good job, Marilyn baby
If you feel good just play the flute
Ready, Action
Get you
Okay, let's show to the media
Welcome everyone
Now Mr.Tachibana has something to say
When you get cold you get to take medicine
According to my long-term research
If we exchange the cell with the atom in the air
man can be invisible
He is the best proof
Next, I'll let you see the invisible man
But when I undo the bandage you cannot see anything
The camera can get no pictures
But through this device
You can see that he is exist
Later I will let everyone use this device
To see the truth with your own eyes
Now we undo the bandage
You guys cannot see anything
We can see him
Indeed, bullshit, we can see him
No, through this device
So you can see...let me...
What? Visible, visible
We're terrible sorry
Why did he become visible?
I wonder why. It was perfect
Was the power too low?
You're right
Increase it 3 times
Yes, let's Okay
Is it analyzing properly?
Increase the power
A fly is on the screen
It must have flown in
Inside the capsule? Yes
It's analyzing the fly What's happening?
They're integrating What's this?
The Flyman
Give me back my money
I understand, sir
The Flyman is heading for Tokyo
The Flyman is heading for Tokyo?
Commander, look at this?
What the hell?
So...this is the Flyman?
This must be Shinjuku
Yes, it is
Already so far
What an amazing speed
He'll appear in Ginza next
Gather all the troops
On the double
I want you all to go to Ginza
I'm not going
Why not, sir?
I don't want to be seen
The Earth Defense Force is seeking new members
Educational background I.Q. and sexual preference
is no problem
Nor shape of your penis
Try Sushi Yu in Nishi Azabu
A joint open to everybody. It's owned by comedian Yoshichi Shimada
Fish gourmets try Ottaru's Tamura
The Earth Defense Force is seeking new members
Educational background I.Q. and sexual preference
is no problem
Nor shape of your penis
What about Astro-Vision?
You mean Hibino's Astro-Vision?
Why are you so specific?
If I say the name rental fee will be lower
Just right here
The rental fee is from 100 to 5
One is alone near the seashore
A worthless gangster
Wandering sea gulls
Let's show your speciality
and play the guitar
Say something to the audience
Give me a big hand
Some are indeed pleased with your show
Would you keep the Hibino Astro-Vision?
It hurts
What's up?
We lost him
I see
I have one hell of an idea
Gather all the stool in Japan
What for, sir?
Just wait and see. We're looking for the Flyman, aren't we?
No, stool. Yes, that's right
We need lots of it
Yes, and get some from the neighborhood, too
Hard or soft?
Sure we have that
How much more is coming?
100 manure trucks and
farmers in the neighborhood, too
So much of it?
What's going on?
The rehearsal, sir
Singing folk songs?
It should have a festive mood
I see
We also have drums and hula dancers
Is that so?
Now, all we do is wait for the night
That's right
Shall we begin?
Please. Would you begin?
How is the Flyman?
I feel he's nearby
Can't see him yet
Let's go for the folk song
Would you please begin?
Excuse us
Good luck, ladies
Commander Is he here?
Right above us He won't come down
Let's get his mother
Would you try to persuade him?
No problem
Stand here?
He's right above
Don't make a fool of yourself
Big brother, come down
I think...Asao is angry
I see. That's too bad
Okay. Get the Fly Fly Girls
Yes, sir
Fly, Fly...
Fly likes stool...disgusting...
Fly, Fly...
Fly likes stool...
Here he comes
Get them away
Yes, sir
It's dangerous. Run
He's stopped
Commence attack
Car sex
We did it. We did it
The flyman is an intelligent mammal
Please don't catch Flyman. Help him
The Grasshopperman is heading the Tokyo Tower?
He's here
He's stuck
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Gloria CD1
Gloria CD2
Go-Con! Japanese Love Culture 2000
Go 2001 Isao Yukisada - Keymaker CD1
Go 2001 Isao Yukisada - Keymaker CD2
Goalkeeper The (2000)
God Of Cookery The
God of gamblers 1989 CD1
God of gamblers 1989 CD2
Godfather 2 The
Godfather 3 The
Godfather The
Godfather The Part 1 CD1
Godfather The Part 1 CD2
Godfather The Part 2 CD1
Godfather The Part 2 CD2
Godfather part 3
Godfathers Of Mondo The 2003
Gods Must Be Crazy The 1980
Gods and Generals CD1
Gods and Generals CD2
Godzilla Mothra and King Ghidorah 2001
Godzilla against mechagodzilla
Gohatto 1999
Going My Way CD1
Going My Way CD2
Gold Rush
Golden Child The CD1
Golden Child The CD2
Golden Voyage Of Sinbad The
Gone in 60 Seconds
Gone with the Wind 1939
Gone with the Wind CD1
Gone with the Wind CD3
Gone with the Wind CD4
Good Advice
Good Boy
Good Boy 2003
Good Cop The
Good Earth The - Victor Fleming 1937 CD1
Good Earth The - Victor Fleming 1937 CD2
Good Morning Vietnam
Good Son The
Good Thief The (2002)
Good Work (1999)
Good bye Lenin 2003
Good the Bad and the Ugly The
Goodbye Girl The
Goodbye Mr Chips (1939)
Gospel of John CD1
Gospel of John CD2
Gothika 2003
Gotter der Pest 1970
Goutes d eau sur pierres brulantes 1999
Goya - Carlos Saura 1999
Goyokin - The gold of the Shogun 1969
Gozu (23976fps)
Graduation Day
Gran Vida La - (Living It Up) 2000
Grand Restaurant Le 1966
Grande Illusion La
Grande Strada Azzurra La) CD1
Grande Strada Azzurra La) CD2
Grapes of Death The
Grapes of Wrath The CD1
Grapes of Wrath The CD2
Grave Of The Fireflies CD1
Grave Of The Fireflies CD2
Graveyard Of Honour
Grease 1978 CD1
Grease 1978 CD2
Grease 2
Great Dictator The CD1
Great Dictator The CD2
Great Escape The (1963) CD1
Great Escape The (1963) CD2
Great Expectations 1998
Great Gatsby The (Jack Clayton 1974)
Great Race The
Great Silence The
Great White Hope The 1970
Great Ziegfeld The CD1
Great Ziegfeld The CD2
Green Card
Green Dragon 2001
Green Fish (1997) CD1
Green Fish (1997) CD2
Green Mile The
Gregorys Girl
Gremlins 2 The New Batch CD1
Gremlins 2 The New Batch CD2
Grey Gardens (1975)
Grey Zone The
Greystoke The Legend of Tanzan CD1
Greystoke The Legend of Tanzan CD2
Grifters The
Grinch The - Jim Carrey
Grind 2003
Gronne Slagtere De 2003
Grosse Pointe Blank (1997) CD1
Grosse Pointe Blank (1997) CD2
Groundhog Day
Grudge The
Grudge The CD1
Grudge The CD2
Guadalcanal Diary
Guarding Tess 1994
Guess Whos Coming To Dinner CD1
Guess Whos Coming To Dinner CD2
Guest House Paradiso
Guilty As Sin 1993 25fps
Guilty By Association 2003
Guilty By Suspicion (2003)
Guinevere 1999
Gullivers Travels 1939
Gun Crazy - A Woman From Nowhere
Gun Crazy Vol 2 Beyond the Law
Gunfight at the O K Corral 1957 CD1
Gunfight at the O K Corral 1957 CD2
Gung Ho
Guns And Talks CD1
Guns And Talks CD2
Guns Of Navarone The
Guru The
Guts Of A Beauty (1986)
Guy Thing A
Guys And Dolls
Guys The
Gypsy (Mervyn LeRoy 1962) CD1
Gypsy (Mervyn LeRoy 1962) CD2