Frasier 02x06 - The Botched Language of Cranes
Look at this. My so-called
windproof umbrella. Look! Look!
l'd have fared just as well
with one of those paper ones.
l collect those. They remind me
of great evenings l can't remember.
- City College wants you to lecture.
- Fine. Just tell me the date.
OK. St Bartholomew's Hospital
wants you at their benefit.
- Pass.
- Turning down a hospital?
Yes.
Don't look at me that way.
l'm with you. l hate how whiny,
sick people are always nagging.
''l want a magazine. l want a kidney.''
Roz, l sympathise as much as you do,
which is why l said yes last year.
l bought an Armani tuxedo, wrote
a speech, put off a visit to Frederick.
Then they didn't need me.
Their first choice had become available.
The irrepressible Kathie Lee Gifford.
- Way to hold a grudge!
- This is not about spite.
This is about dignity,
a rare and fragile thing. Anything else?
- Judging the Miss Seattle Pageant?
- l'll do that.
- That's dignified.
- A scholarship is involved.
All right.
You're on in ten seconds.
Look, we have new sponsors.
Work this copy in as often as you can.
Good afternoon, Seattle.
This is Dr Frasier Crane. KACL 780.
lt's a grey, depressing day
in the Emerald City.
Let's hope we can brighten up
your afternoon.
We hold it our duty to banish
your rainy day blues.
First, a message from a new sponsor.
''Death is inevitable.
''But it's especially painful
when it claims a beloved pet.
''lf you've lost,
or are planning to lose...
''...a cherished dog, cat or bird,
''let Pet Paradise console you
with a memorial
''bearing the likeness
of your departed friend.
''Pet Paradise. Though your pet
may be small, your loss is great.''
- Who's our first caller, Roz?
- Edna.
She's a receptionist
at a pest control firm. She's depressed.
Hello, Edna. l'm listening.
(Edna) 'Hello, Dr Crane. l've worked
in pest control for 1 5 years.
'l go in every day, answer the same
calls, ask the same questions.
'''What kind of bugs?
Have you seen any droppings?''
'Then l go to the next person.
''What kind of bugs?'''
Edna, l can sense where this is going.
Even the most interesting life
can become routine.
You need to shake up your world.
Find a new boyfriend,
a new job, a new city.
- 'You mean, move?'
- Well...
There are easier places to cheer up
than this dreary, soggy city of ours.
'Dr Crane, you're right.
l don't have to stay here.
'When you think about it, there's
a whole world of vermin out there.'
Eloquently put, Edna.
Thank you.
Speaking of vermin...
''When that special rat of yours
''turns its toes up for the last time,
''don't forget your friends
at Pet Paradise.
''Pet Paradise.
When a shoe box isn't enough.''
Another radiant morning.
What do you think, Dad? Should l
drive to work or hail a gondola?
l like rain. lt gets those
squeegee guys off the street.
Now, stay put
until l can dry off your feet.
There. That ought to do it.
Daphne, get that hat off him. lsn't
it bad enough we had him neutered?
At this rate,
l don't think l'm going to have children.
Just let me dress up the dog.
l've never seen him look that stupid.
You'll change your tune when you see
his St Patrick's Day outfit.
Hey, Derek Mann mentioned you
in his column.
''l listen to Frasier Crane because
l'm trying to drop a few pounds.
''His voice is an effective
appetite suppressant.''
- How witty.
- l thought so, too.
Give me that.
''Yesterday he advised
an unhappy woman
''that she could cure her depression
by leaving Seattle.
''lt would cure my depression
if the Seattle-hating Dr Crane
''would take his own advice
and leave town.''
- Ludicrous! l never said that.
- Yes, you did.
You said Seattle was dreary
and she should leave town.
lt was one of several suggestions
taken out of context.
- Apologise.
- What for?
For insulting Seattle.
People take pride in it.
They don't want you telling them
it's rainy and depressing.
lf you hadn't noticed,
it gets a bit damp here.
For God's sake,
the state flower is mildew.
Listen, a city's like a woman.
Get one mad at you
and it doesn't matter who's right.
You apologise
or you'll be paying forever.
- l don't care for that analogy.
- l'm sorry. l was way out of line.
All right, you're forgiven.
Dad, to you,
everything is like a woman.
A fast car, a romantic song...
A good meat loaf is like a woman.
A city is not like a woman,
it's like a city. And l'm not apologising.
lf you don't understand,
Seattle does.
Seattle loves Frasier Crane.
(Thunders)
- Hello, Father Mike.
- Hello.
Dr Crane was not bashing Seattle.
He was sincerely trying
to help that woman.
Who's our sponsor?
Pet Paradise.
Go ahead and boycott them.
See how easy it is to flush
your dead dog down the toilet.
Was that a complaint
about the rain thing?
l've been on the phone all morning.
Forgive me.
l'll stick to subjects like suicide
and stay away from controversial stuff
like weather.
- Hello?
- Hey, Doc, l need some advice.
l feel a cold coming on. Should l
take vitamin C or leave Seattle?
l hope you're happy. The switchboard
has had over 50 irate calls.
50? Damn! You broke my record.
The most l got was 35
on my commentary,
''Lady umpires: finally
a chest worth protecting.''
- Frasier, think about apologising.
- l would if l'd said anything wrong.
l've got half a dozen calls
that say you did.
l don't want to talk to them.
l don't know how to break this
to you, but it's a call-in show!
(Woman) 'How can you say
Seattle is depressing?
'l've spent 40 years here, working the
graveyard shift at a salmon cannery.
'And, let me tell you,
you fatheaded moron,
'l'm the most cheerful person
you'll ever meet.'
Certainly the most cheerful
one l've met today.
Alas, we're out of time.
l'd like to say,
as l've been saying for three hours,
that it was not my intent
to cause offence.
Since it seems obvious that l have,
l would like to apologise.
l do not find Seattle depressing.
lt would take more than clouds
to obscure her beauty
and more than drizzle to dampen
the warmth and fellowship
that make Seattle the only place
l care to call home.
Till Monday, then,
this is Dr Frasier Crane, signing off.
Good grief! Have you ever heard
such whiny, provincial crybabies?
This city has lost
its rain-addled mind!
Dr Crane, we're still on the air.
Thank you, Roz.
Now, we're off.
(Niles) l believe this goes here
and that attaches there.
Are you sure
you don't want me to try?
No, you might crack a nail
or snag a cuticle.
- There. Are we getting anything?
- Does annoyed count?
Hush. lf you hadn't bashed it with
your cane when the Seahawks lost,
we wouldn't need a new set.
lsn't there a manual?
Yes, but unfortunately, Stephen
Hawking isn't here to explain it.
- l thought the winds had eased.
- They have.
- What happened to your umbrella?
- A listener recognised me.
He pulled it through a fence.
You would not believe the hostility,
even at the Café Nervosa.
l thought l heard a new cappuccino
maker, l saw three tables hissing!
(Phone )
- Don't answer it.
- l can't abide a ringing phone.
lt's another crank.
They've been calling all day.
Oh, no! They've got my number?
So, the phone rings.
We don't have to answer it.
Although it could be Frederick,
or Grammy Moon to say her hip's out.
We can't be slaves to a bell.
Just because it's going
ring...ring...ring!
or, in the case of a British phone,
ring-ring...ring-ring
ring-ring...ring-ring!
- Just answer it!
- Thank you!
Crane residence.
He can't come to the phone.
May l take a message?
Nice language, that!
l hope you don't eat with that mouth.
Daphne, excuse me.
How dare you speak to a lady that way!
Well, that's no excuse, ma'am.
Only cowards make threats by phone.
l dare you to say that to my face!
Never mind where l live.
(Door rattles)
ls anyone expecting visitors?
l suggest we all remain very quiet.
l have this image of angry villagers
wielding torches and pitchforks.
- Frasier, open up! lt's Roz.
- lt's worse than l thought.
- Why are you out in this weather?
- l called, but your line is busy.
- Hey, Roz.
- Hey, Martin. How are you?
- Good.
- New TV?
Got it hooked up yet?
No.
l let Niles take a crack at it first.
God! Martin, you're awful.
Frasier, the station manager
came by.
lf you can't smooth this over,
he may have to suspend you.
- What would he put in my time slot?
- The best of Crane.
What will they do the second day?
How can l smooth it over?
This city is out to lynch me.
A guy cancelled on me cos l work for
you. You're alienating my boyfriends.
We can't afford to lose
a demographic as large as that.
We need damage control.
lt's not too late to call St Bart's Hospital
and do their benefit.
- After the way they treated me?
- There will be lots of media.
lt's a chance to redeem yourself.
- Listen to Roz.
- Dad!
- Take my advice.
- l did. l apologised.
Oh, so sincerely!
You'll make a few jokes
and self-deprecating remarks,
help sick people
and show you can laugh at yourself.
- l think it's a brilliant suggestion.
- Niles, did you compliment me?
lndeed l did. You're very sawy, Roz.
You remind me
of those amoral PR flacks
who sell their services
to industries that pollute.
- You think it's a good idea?
- lt worked for Nancy Reagan.
She was widely criticised
for lavish spending,
so she appeared at a dinner
in thrift store clothes
and performed ''Second Hand Rose''.
- That made people like her again?
- Yes, briefly.
Tell them l'll MC. Better yet,
l'll take a table at the banquet.
l have.
Give the nuns 800 bucks.
- 800!
- Don't mess with them.
l'm in a precarious position.
l must choose my material carefully.
- l know some good jokes.
- No, Niles. You don't.
lf you need jokes, use some of mine.
Oh, yes.
l'm sure the nuns would love that.
And l'll ask call Bulldog
and ask for a couple of limericks.
l'll call Father Mike. l'm sure
he knows some inoffensive jokes.
Hello.
Yes, well, l don't care how you feel.
l want to use the phone right now.
Your grandmother's hip is out.
Just kidding!
Kidding!
l do hope you'll have
some humorous stories for us,
though, of course,
nothing too racy or risqué.
- l wouldn't dream of it.
- Good.
Last year, Kathie Lee Gifford
told a most unfortunate story
involving newlyweds and a ski lift.
Hello, all. Thank you for coming out
for such a good cause.
St Bart's did my hip surgery.
They treated me good.
l just saw Frasier. He seems nervous.
There's a lot riding on this.
Thank goodness he's got that
sweet old nun there to comfort him.
She's not sweet.
lt's Sister Joselia, the scrubbing nun.
- ''The Terror of Ward Three''.
- You still remember her?
You know the nightmare
where l scream, ''Not the sponge!''?
That's her!
- As a girl, l considered being a nun.
- What changed your mind?
l didn't want to work weekends.
- Where did Maris go?
- Mrs Crane is over there.
She's cornered Lydia Beaumont,
head of the museum board.
- Maris wants to get on the board.
- Lydia's getting away.
The ''freshen-the-drink'' ploy. Lydia
has no idea with whom she's dealing.
Chug that sherry, Maris.
On with the chase! Yes!
She's gaining!
lt's Mrs Beaumont and Maris...
And yes! They meet again.
They'll be board-mates
before the dessert.
- Evening, everyone.
- We were saying you look confident.
- Really?
- Absolutely! Forehead.
- You memorise the jokes l gave you?
- Yes. That's why l look so confident.
Shouldn't they have started?
We're waiting for the Bishop
who's introducing me.
He'll be here any minute. Break a leg.
Remember, keep smiling and look like
you're having a good time.
- Right.
- lf a joke bombs, pay no attention.
Do what Johnny Carson did,
make a joke about it.
''Bomb-o!''
Boy, l miss that guy!
Your dad's right.
Go up and be confident.
l will, after l find a men's room.
- lt's butterflies in your stomach.
- Not for long! l'll be back.
Good evening.
l'm Father Mike Mancuso
and l've just been asked
to make a very sad announcement.
Every year, our speaker has been
introduced by Bishop Cologie,
our chairman and host of the cable
TV show ''Pancakes and Parables''.
We've just heard that the Bishop
has had a terrible accident.
He was out fishing this afternoon
when his boat was hit
by a storm and capsized.
At the moment, he remains missing.
l'll keep you informed.
Why does everything happen
to Frasier?
Devastated as we are, we know what
this evening means to the Bishop
and how he'd delight in entertaining us
with his biblical hand shadows.
We also know he would be the first
to insist that we proceed without him.
So, l'm going to step in
and introduce our speaker.
Won't you extend
a cordial and gracious welcome
to my friend and colleague,
Dr Frasier Crane.
Dr Crane? Dr Crane?
Ah!
Thank you very much, Father Mike.
lt's an honour to be here.
l expected the Bishop to introduce me
but l'm sure he'll drift in soon.
lt's a real comfort to see
so many priests out in the audience.
l don't dare speak in public
without someone standing by
who can perform the last rites.
Whoa! Very religious crowd, l see.
l can tell
because of the vow of silence.
Got some holy water, Father?
l'm dying here.
And speaking of water,
that reminds me of a little story.
A rabbi, a minister and a priest
are all sitting at the bar
on the Titanic.
Dr Crane! The Bishop!
l heard the story with a priest,
but what the heck? A bishop's funnier!
Thank you, Sister. OK, then...
A rabbi, a minister and a bishop...
...are at the bar when the purser
rushes in with the news...
Frasier, the Bishop is lost at sea!
Are you telling this story or am l?
- Frasier...
- l work alone, lady, all right?
Anyway, the purser rushes in
with the horrible news about the boat.
The rabbi says, ''My people need me.''
The minister is leaving when
the priest says... Sorry, the bishop...
...says, ''Have another drink.
The rabbi can handle it.''
The minister says, ''You abandon your
flock when we've hit an iceberg?''
The bishop says, ''An iceberg?
l thought he said we hit a Weisberg!''
Hello? ls this thing on?
Bomb-o!
# Baby, l hear the blues a-calling
tossed salads and scrambled eggs
# Oh, my!
# And maybe l seem a bit confused
Yeah, maybe...but l got you pegged!
# But l don't know what to do with those
tossed salads and scrambled eggs
# They're calling again
# Scrambled egg's all over my face!
# What is a boy to do? #
Thank you!
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4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1 Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2 Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth Friends - 6x15 Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1 Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2 Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2) Frisson des vampires Le From Beijing with love From Dusk Till Dawn From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter From Hell From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition) Frontera La Frusta e il corpo La Fucking Amal Fudoh The New Generation 1996 Fugitive The - The Chase Continues Fugitives (2000) Fukssvansen (Chop Chop) Full Frontal 2002 Full Metal Jacket Full Time Killer Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1 Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2 Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963) Funeral Parade of Roses Funeral in Berlin Funny Girl Fuochi dArtifizio Furia (2002) Fury The (1978) Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000 Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember Futurama 2x02 - Mars University Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2 Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before Futurama 4x12 - The Sting Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1 Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2
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