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Eurgh. Let me see, let me see. Ah, the groaning board, the teeming table, the endless variety of God's bounty. Cheffing is a truly perfect art, far above mere painting or sculpture. You can't eat a sheet of canvas or a lump of rock. I don't know. You could if you were drunk and had enough ketchup. - Morning, Richie. - Do my senses deceive me? Has Eddie Catflap emerged from the arms of Morpheus or perhaps an elephant has blown off? No. Right first time. It is I, smelly Eddie. To whiff him is to love him. Ready for anything, as long as it's alcoholic. - Morning, Richie. - Where's my shopping list? Gas mask. Now then, shall we have seven courses or eight? Don't want do look ostentatious. But don't want to look like a bloody pauper. Better make it 12. We could be like the Romans and throw up between courses. Why should they get the credit for that idea? I've been doing it for years. Morning, Richie. Twelve gas masks, clothes peg for nose, smelling salts and a ticket to Australia to get away from Eddie's whiff. - I said, morning, Richie! - Ah! I got you, then, didn't I? I got you. Morning, Eddie. I trust you slept well? Fantastic. A truly great sleep. On the scale of one to five - 5,429,562. Sleeping face down in the toilet is conducive to restful slumber? And why shouldn't I sleep in the lavatory? You wet the bed. Once. I had a nightmare that I was ordinary and untalented and there was a momentary aberration. It's a sign of an extra-vivid subconscious. It's a sign of an extra-drippy tiddler. Eddie, I was having a nightmare that I was a pleb. It was a horrifying experience. I remember the night so well. I awoke to hear Richie screaming into the middle of the night. "Ah. " His heart-rending sobs echoing round the house. Why, you wept like a soul in torment. I rushed in to find poor, frightened Richie shivering, terrified, white, sitting in a puddle. - Yes, and what did you do? - I don't remember. You switched on my electric blanket. Only to take your mind off the nightmare. You completely electrocuted my love truncheon. Love truncheon? Love pencil, more like. Well, love pin, actually. Eddie, what's this? - I don't know. - It's one of my scary looks. Is it really? My intimidating frown. So you just watch out. Has the hair grown back yet? Your love blobs looked like Yul Brynner snogging Kojak. I'm not prepared to rise to it. Your spite and venom offends me not. - Baldy blobs. - Right, that's it. That is it. I hope you've got a good lawyer, because I am suing and you're going to prison forever. Hello, Filthy? Yeah, it's Richie here. I wanna sue Eddie. Richie Rich. Your client. I'm five foot ten, brown hair... Look, it's not important. My minder, Edward, says that I've got bald love blobs and I want to sue. Have I? Well, they're not so much bald as receding. I'd put a wig on them for the trial. Bloodsucker, what do I pay you for? I know I don't, it was a rhetorical question. Goodbye forever! He was furious. But I persuaded him to give you a chance. Shut up and tell me why you are wearing a hat that makes you look like you've got a toilet roll on your head. Because, Eddie, I have taken up the skillet and the frying pan. I've been studying cookery all morning and I am now a master chef. - That's why I'm wearing this great hat. - You look like a chicken drumstick. Ha ha! Wrong again because, actually, I look great. - We are having a dinner party. - Oh-hoo. Eight for 8:30. The food, the fine wine, the... the little chocolatey, minty thingies. - Who's coming? - Some close personal friends. Oh, dear. The man from the dirty mag shop and wino Bill. Again. You really are insanely jealous, aren't you, Edward? I keep forgetting you're not in the biz, are you? The huge galaxy of showbiz stars are all brothers and sisters to me. Tarby, for instance, is bound to accept. Especially after the brilliant invitations I sent out. "The years and the tears. "Celebrate Richie Rich's ten fabulous years of success. " How sad. From third dummy on Are You Being Served? To his very own carpet ad. I am not sitting at the same table as Tarby and that's that. No, Eddie, no, no. We're talking about Jimmy Tarbuck. The cheeky chap from the 'pool. Everybody's pal. The gap-toothed Scouser with a twinkle and a smile for every Englishman. Look, if there's one thing I hate in British entertainment more than you, it's that vast army of ex-stand-up comics who did one half-funny gag on Sunday Night At The London Palladium and have made a fortune doing game shows ever since. "Oh, good evening, and your name is Cynthia "and you'd like me to patronise and humiliate you "on the off chance of winning a teasmade. " Cheeky chappies? Complete and utter bastards, if you ask me. Well, I don't think anyone will be asking you, will they? Tarby is just a simple jester. An honest broker from the bank of smiles. I was only saying so to Marti Caine, before her last trip to South Africa. So keep your embittered, communistic treason to yourself during tonight's intercourse with Tarby and friends. I am not having intercourse with Tarby and that's final. What a surprise! Four minutes into the episode and he delivers the most tortuous double entendre ever. It was a great gag. - Social intercourse, Eddie, social. - Oh, phew. We shall talk about subjects far above your head. Poetry, fine art, golf. That reminds me, I must bone up on Tarby's book of golfing anecdotes. They are the greatest work of Eng lit since Dick. - Oo-er. - Dick-ens, Eddie. Dick-ens. Oo-er. There's only one thing I hate more than golfing anecdotes and it's this. It's a close run thing, though. Ha ha ha ha ha! This is brilliant stuff, it's classic, classic, classic. Well done, Tarby. Oh. Oh, listen to this one. Listen, listen, listen. Shut up. "Lynchy and I had taken time off and flown to Spain "with Greavsie and Parky and Tom O'Connory - "to play golf with Lesie. " - Lesie? - Yeah. - Playing golf with lesbians. Fantastic. Do you think Tarbuck's a feminist, then? Lesie Crowthery, Eddie, Lesie Crowthery. Just another one of the great guys that make up my showbiz gang that I belong to and you don't. Now, shut up, I'm telling you the great anecdote. - "Lynchy lined up to tee off. " - I wish you'd tee off and let me smoke my fags in peace. "Lynchy lined up to tee off and said to me, "'Gosh, Tarbo, we swigged so much pop last night, "'being great guys together and such great big showbiz mates, "'that I bet I miss this next shot. ' "And blow me down but he did. He missed it. " Oh, oh, oh. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, ha ha! Oh, touché, Tarby. Oh, that was brilliant. No, the same thing has happened to me fumfty times. We-hell. I can see it's gonna be a scintillating evening with everyone cracking brillo gags like that one. Yeah. Hey. Maybe there's a series in it. Dinner At Richie's. An ultra-sophis chat show. Good evening. This is the BBC. Tonight, Sir Richie Rich will be talking to the Queen, the Pope and, of course, the Tarby. It'd be a disaster. You'd get drunk and make a pass at the Pope for wearing a dress. Bloody good telly though. So, what incredible 12 courses will you cook for your fantastically amiable showbiz chums? Well, we must play to our strengths, must not overreach ourselves. - Right. - Er... How does 12 boiled eggs sound? Er, usually like this... Nice gag, Eddie, and totally unexpected. Perhaps a little sophisticated for BBC2, though. I can just see it now. "How's the golf going, Tarbs?" "Oh, really?" "Do you wanna hear a stupid joke about an Irishman being stupid?" - Can't wait. - What do you suggest, then? You're supposed to be my friend, you freeloading parasite. Smelly Eddie to the rescue. When I was watching TV-am in the lav this morning, I saw this fantast ad for a new mag called Poncy Cooking. And when you buy part one, you get part two completely free. That sounds like a marvellous offer and one not to be missed. Actually, it's a clumsy setup for a gag later on. - Oh, what a shame. - Yes. - Let's go to the newsagent's. - Okey-dokey, diddly squat. Over we go. Don't ever say I'm not there when I'm not needed. You're not there when you're not needed. Thank you. - Ready, Eddie? - Ready-weddy. - Let's go. - Right, then. Blimey, the newsagent's is closer now we're in a smaller studio. Shut up. You're spoiling the magic for everyone. Oh. Oh, look, the newsagent. Hello, me old darling. Yep, it's me, Richie Rich. Don't faint. Treasure the moment. Here's a pic. Put it in your box of precious things. I don't understand what you're talking about. Oh, yes. Oh, yes, I'm sure. One of the cool type, are we? Gonna boast to your friends? "I met Richie Rich and pretended not to recognise him. Hee hee. " What a sad little life you must lead. Are you mad? - Perhaps a little zany, yes. - Excuse me. Do you have part one of Poncy Cooking with part two free? - Certainly. One pound, please. - Aha. I'm afraid I have no money so I'll just take part two for nothing, shall I? - You stupid slag! Come on, Richie. - One pound, please. Er, hurr... I'll give you a mensh on me next programme. - I shall call the police. - No, cos your part's over. The end of your scene. Back to the dole for you. Five lines, thank you and good night. Well, I must say, this looks very interesting. She's crying, you know. That, Eddie, is the biz. It's a tough life. It's a tough life, dearie. I mean, look at Arthur Mullard. She used to be quite attractive. - I still quite fancy her. - Yeah, hur-uhh. Well, I must say. This is very interesting. Must learn to read sometime. Right. Sod all this health food. When I eat, I like to dice with a heart attack. Let's have a good English roast and a coronary thrombosis. - Right. Let's make a shopping list. - Yeah. Four hundred pounds of oven chips. Right, that seems simple enough. Better check the larder. Waste not, want not. - Remember the poor children. - Oh, the little poor children. Yes. With their cosy little terrace dwellings. - A roaring fire. - Bread, cheese. - Dripping. - Add a little love, makes a... ...meal fit for a king. I think they're happier being poor. Yes, or perhaps not. Oh, well, who gives a toss anyway? Let's check what's in the larder. Any food? Erm, only a couple of dirty mags. Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm sure there's a reason why we shouldn't be doing this but I can't put my finger on it. Don't overtax your tiny mind. It's concentrating on breathing. Shut up, the cheque's in the post. Yeah, whose show is this anyway? I'm the famous one, love. Come, let us go to the supermarket. Right. What a rotten shop. There's never anything you want to buy. For example... "Cruizos. Bite-sized cruise-missile shaped lumps of potato flavoured snack. "Warning-will give you cancer. " Everything gives you cancer these days. You can't blow off without being told it's carcinogenic. - In my case, it probably is. - Probably. - Careful, you'll get grabbed by the dick. - Oo-er. We mean get arrested by the store detective. It was just a pun. We have every intention of paying for this item. Ooh, Eddie, it'd be funny if somebody knocked that lot down. Not particularly, no. I'm disappointed myself. Come, Eddie, for fruit. It is the absolute sophis thing to offer fruit after the meal. So refreshing and it comes in handy for the sex games. No, not this. Look, ridiculous. Oh, this is disgusting. All this fruit is crushed and bruised. I shall write to Esther Rantzen. - Ah, the meat, Eddie. - Ha. Load up the trolley. They'll have been playing golf - so they'll be ready for hearty vitals. - Look at this little lamb chop. It was probably once a pig, gambolling in the mountains. Yeah. Doingy, doingy, doing. I could quite fancy myself as a farmer. Well, it's a good job you do fancy yourself cos I can't see that anyone else is going to do it. Eddie, do you see this frozen chicken? Er, yes. Oh, urh. Frozen tackle might teach you not to cheek me. Richie Rich, do you see this frozen chicken? - No. - I think you do. Ha ha. Touché, Eddie. Come on, let's go and pay for the stuff. I've remembered why we shouldn't be here. - We have no cash. - Eddie, I am a celebrity. Celebrities don't need money. - Next. - Ha ha ha. Boo! Hello, love. It's me, Richie Rich. A-ha! It's just cancer crunch and a trolley of meat. I'll give you a mensh on my next prog. £200, please. My dear girl, you don't seem to understand. I, Richie Rich, am offering you, nobody, a mensh on my next prog. - Right. This requires subtle handling. - £200, please. How does it feel to be a checkout girl who's reached the peak of your potential? How does it feel to know that you're a talentless git who never even had any potential? - I see. - £200, please. Uh. Stitch that. I think you're on there. I know a come-on when I see it. This is ridiculous. Somebody here tell donkey face who I am. We don't know. Who are you? You jest. You jape. I am one of Britain's top comic talents. - Say something funny, then. - Yeah. If you're so funny, why don't you say something funny? Go on, say something funny. All right, then, I will, I will. Erm... Plop. - Oh, dear. - Damn. Mistimed it. I'll have to get the manager. Mr Forsyth! Listen, bitch, I was once continuity link man on TVS. I don't see why I should have to pay for my food. Listen, dickhead-no money, no food. Ah. Ooh. You're the sort of girl I could fall in love with. However, no time, because Richie? - Yes? - Run! - I meant through the door. - Oh, sorry. I thought they'd never give up. Mr Forsyth had some stamina. Safe and sound now and time to get on with my wonderful dinner party. That's what you think. But I have been thinking. Well, well, well, wonders will never cease. Eddie Catflap's been thinking. Put out some bunting. Organise a street party. Let off some fireworks. Telephone the Queen. Give everyone a week's holiday. The man with no brain's been thinking. Everybody go to the lavatory in amazement. You don't know how you wound, Richie, you really don't. However, no matter, because you will soon be in pris. - Pris? - Pris-on. You have aided and abetted a robbery in front of Mr Forsyth and 50 mad checkout girls. I am all right. I was just the mysteriously handsome bloke in the huge trousers who vanished without a trace. But you're Richie Rich. And you'll be going to pris. You're not all right, darling, cos I shall squeal. Yeah, I shall sing and... and blab... Then I might even spill a little bit. And I shall buy a lighter sentence with the names of my accomplices - to wit, Edward Catflap. Then I'll have a face-lift so you can't exact your revenge. You'd need a fork-lift truck to lift your face, matey. At least I've got a face, not a collage of bogeys and sick. Just cos you never get any girlfriends, you think you can take it out on me. Me, never get any girlfriends? That's rich, you never get any girlfriends. I was out with a girl last Wednesday. Eddie, that was your mother. I still got a snog. - Snog? - More of a fight. She beat me senseless. That must have taken at least ten seconds. 15 seconds, actually. We're about to be sent to Devil's Island, Tarby's coming for an important dinner party and you're babbling on about your insane mother. We're up plop creek with no loo brush. - I'll telephone my agent. - Good idea, let's blame him. Yeah. Hey, what if he won't take the rap? Say we'll go to the papes about his "children's catalogue". Nice thinking. Hello, Filthy? God bless, look after Mum, drive safely. Listen, you filthy, evil porno merchant, me and Eddie are in trouble. Unless you take the blame, we'll tell the world the truth about your "stage school". Please, daughter, please. Please. Listen, I am not a well man. This morning, I coughed so hard I sucked my trousers up my backside. Now, listen, Richie. Nobody needs to take the rap for this. What you have got to get yourself is an alibi. Don't shout, daughter. There's only so much an agent can take after only one bottle of aspirin. Now, look, alibis are easy. You're a comic, right? Well, loosely speaking, of course. Yeah. You were doing a show. No, no, that's easy. All we have to do is to get you a real show tonight, then Eddie can crawl around surreptitiously, change the audience's watches back to the time you blagged the store. Yes, yes, I know just the venue. 'Très chic. Très bona. 'Yeah, only the nicest young ladies need apply. ' A peepshow, Filthy? What if Tarby finds out? I'll be thrown out of the Royal Order of the Charitable Self-Publicising Showbiz Bog Otters. Don't worry about the Bog Otters. They were in here themselves half an hour ago. They had to leave cos they run out of 50p's. How's my boy Richie doing? That audience are getting a bit restive at the moment, trying to see if bouncers really do bounce. Don't mither the act. He's got enough to concern him, what with being crap. You were supposed to be changing the audience's watches while they ogled the girlies. I was trying to but the hands are moving too quickly. Get on with it. Right, that's it. Richie, you're on. God, I'm not ready. How do I look, darling? Not good, daughter. Très, très bollocks. - He's absolutely bloody right. - Philistines. I'd better do my superstitions. What are you doing? Titch "Oo-er, madam, don't start me off" Juicy always did this before a show. - But he was notoriously awful. - God, you're right. Boys and girls, lads and lasses, please welcome to the stage a very funny man indeed, the world famous Mr, er... Richie Rich. Ooh-hoo-hoo! - Here we go. Break a leg. - OK. Get off, you maniac. Hello, hello. Shut up. Hi, God bless and if you can't be good, be careful. Ho ho ho. Right. It's full up in here, as the vicar said with his hand up Sam Fox's blouse. Show us your tits. But seriously, folks. The Good Lord gave us the gift of laughter. - Get off! - Ha ha ha. Thank God the likes of Tony Benn can't take that away from us, although he'd like to. Tell us a joke, then, you fat bastard. I hear Arthur Scargill's blind stick lost his hairdresser. - You have to laugh, don't you? - Not at you. Two, three, four... Happiness Happiness... Thank you. God bless you, one and all. - Get off! - The greatest thing That I possess... The smile of a child, a beautiful woman, just simply being... British. Crap! I thank the Lord that I've been blessed... Let's thank the mums. Hello, mums. Here to keep an eye on Dad, are you? Richie, it's not going very well, is it? ...than my share of ha... ppiness Ha ha ha. Thank you, one and all. Happy hunting and if you can't be good, be careful. I've done that one. Er... And if you're in a car, please drive safely. Thank you and good night, one and all. I love you all. Well, tough crowd but I think I got the measure of 'em. Ooh. They probably couldn't afford flowers. This will do for our dinner party. Richie, I've got some rather bad news for you. - You're under arrest. - That's the bad news. I wasn't that bad. I stumbled on a couple of punch lines. It was our alibi-it collapsed. Mr Forsyth, he followed us here. It's pris for us. - Are you coming quietly, sir? - No, it's just the way I walk. Note that down. I want all to know I was still cracking woofers. Woofers or ancient double entendre that everybody else gave up in the playground? Oh, what a clever thing to say. How brainy you are. Got a degree? Just cos you earn four times as much as a nurse, you think you can cheek Richie Rich, do you? Now, that's what I like to see. A good, old-fashioned bobby. Don't worry, Richie. These days, prison food is quite acceptable. Mind you, it's not so nice when they nail you to the table and shove it up your backside. Well, Eddie, the long and winding road is over. The great god, public, claims another weary showbiz victim. Huh. Oscar Wilde, playwright, arrested for his beliefs. Lenny Bruce, comedian, arrested for his beliefs. Richie Rich, celebrity, arrested... For going nicking down the local shop. Huh! Lt'll be the trial of the century. I shall be tried in majestic splendour by a jury of my peers. Parky, Tarby, Lynchy, Sue Lawley. - Annie Diamondy. - Debbie Greenwoody. Selina Scotty, Maggie Philbiny. Bloody hell, what a fantastic jury. We might be on for a sex sesh after the trial. Too right except you won't be there, cos you'll be in pris. I'll be all right. I'm gonna plead insanity. Damn. Let's face it. You've got the evidence. Let me out! I need a lawyer! I want my lawyer! - Oh. - Don't shout, Richie. It oscillates the atmos and rattles my phlegm. - I've found you a lawyer. - Oh. Met him outside. Known him for years. Spurty. - Pervy Sir Peter Spurty, QC. - Mm. Bit of luck him being here, really. He'll get anyone off if you buy him a dirty mag. Remember when the Tory cabinet were found in that brothel discussing declining moral values? Clear as a bell. Pervy Sir Peter Spurty got them off. Right. He's the man for us. Bring us our lawyer! We demand Pervy Sir Pete. - In there, Spurty. - Blimey, that was quick. Well done the police, say I. Why do left-wingers keep sniping at them? If you don't wanna get beaten up, you shouldn't be poor. Richie, shut up. Watcha, Spurty. Me and my mate are in a bit of a fix and are gonna do five to ten in the slammer unless you can stitch the jury, rig the judge and buy off the pigs with a kickback. Eddie. Please, please, please. This is England, Eddie. England. Not Birmingham. The British bobby cannot be bought. - You, shut your face. - Sorry. - What are you offering? - Nothing. You must speak to my lawyer. What, old pervy Spurty? Ho-ho-ho! Ha-ha-ha! Right now, everything seems to be in order here. I would stand by you, Richie, but lost causes depress me. Toodly-woodly. Right, Spurty, do your stuff. Your Honour, I wandered into a garden, under the impression it was my garden. On seeing items of women's laundry hanged on the line, I naturally assumed that my wife had done some washing and I began to get it in for her. The fact that I live in a high-rise flat and am not married is circumstantial evidence and, hence, inadmissible. Right. Well, we'd better escape. Against Leon Brittan's law and order initiative? Never! No choice. The meat is in my trousers, Tarby is coming round to hear his golfing anecdote and you're banged up in the slammer. Don't be disgusting. I've never been banged up the slammer. You're right. We've gotta escape. I have a plan. What we have to do is set up a complicated system of stooges to find out exactly what the guards are up to. Then, we dig three tunnels and hide the dirt in our trousers. We forge some German documents and make the clothes of French peasant workers out of these blankets. It's a great night for dying! Then we wheel the wooden horse into the exercise yard, we build a glider and we pole vault over the fence. - What do you think? - Pathetic. - Let's do it, then. - Yeah. I'm sorry I doubted you. Your plan worked brilliantly. Yes. Shame about old Spurty getting shot by the Gestapo. No, the SPG, Eddie, the SPG. Not the Gestapo. They're completely different things. The Gestapo, er... - speak German. - Ah, yes. We're all right. That's what matters. Of course, Eddie. Safe and sound at home. Perhaps now I can prepare for my fantastic dinner party. Empty the big trousers. Okey-dokey, me old spunky cock sparrow. Now then, I've invited Tarby, Lynchy, Parky, Brucie, Tommy O'Connory and you and me. Have we sufficient comestibles? Oo-er! I don't know about that but here's the grub. Good Lord, how did you get so much meat in your trousers? That's what all the girls say. Smut is the last recourse of the emotional cripple, Eddie. It's a psychological truism - people talk about what they can't do. Is that why you always talk about acting, plop pants? Perhaps there is a land beyond the oblivion of brain death where your observations would be understood, but to us earthlings, they are mashed potatoes. So keep them to yourself! Richie, it's your choice. I can either stuff the meat into the oven, you into the oven or the oven into you. Which is to be? The former. Which one was that? - That was where the oven... - Meat... It doesn't matter. Tarby'll be here in ten minutes and we haven't cooked a thing. Get this stuff in the oven. - I'll never get it all in. - Oo-er, sounds a bit rude. Gonna need something to lever it in with. Oo-er, sounds a bit ruder. No matter how much I stuff in, there's more to be pushed in. Oo-er. It sounds even ruder than it was before. Thank you for these observations. Every culinary exchange should be accompanied by the rantings of a braindead vegetable. There we are, it's alight. Ooh, it's Tarby. Oh, God, Tarby's here. Oh, God, it's Parky, it's Tarby, it's Lynchy. The whole gang's here. For God's sake, don't do anything rude. Hope I'm not late, loobies. I bought you a bottle of wine but I drunk it in the taxi. Oh, God, I'd forgotten I'd invited you, Filthy. You won't impress my showbiz friends. I'd be impressed if you had any friends. Right, that's it. Your invitation's withdrawn. Go away. Oh, go on, daughter, do me a favour. Where's your sense of humour? - Only a bijou jokette. - Oh, joke, oh. Of course I'll impress your friends. We'll make a bona little team. The financial artiste. The theatrical artiste. And the piss artist. It's going to be a truly magical evening. Blimey, those candles burned down fast. Oh, keep it to yourself, Eddie. Much time has passed. I'm swathed in melancholic pathos. - Oo-er. - Shut up, Eddie. I think you've been stood up, Richie. Oo-er. Oh, shut up, Eddie. After all I've done. A show in a peepshow, robbed a supermarket, been to prison and the rotters haven't even turned up. Fate deals me blow after blow. Oo-er. What time did you put on the invites, love? Eight o'clock. Look, I've got 'em here. Tarby's, Brucie's, Lynchy's and... I forgot to post the invites. Dinner is served. |
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2x20 - Liars Guns and Money II - With Friends Like These Farscape - 2x21 - Liars Guns and Money III - Plan B Farscape - 2x22 - Die Me Dichotomy Farscape - 3x01 - Season Of Death Farscape - 3x02 - Suns And Lovers Farscape - 3x03 - Self Inflicted Wounds I - Coulda Woulda Shoulda Farscape - 3x04 - Self Inflicted Wounds II - Wait For The Wheel Farscape - 3x05 - Different Destinations Farscape - 3x06 - Eat Me Farscape - 3x07 - Thanks For Sharing Farscape - 3x08 - Green Eyed Monster Farscape - 3x09 - Losing Time Farscape - 3x10 - Relativity Farscape - 3x11 - Incubator Farscape - 3x12 - Meltdown Farscape - 3x13 - Scratch N Sniff Farscape - 3x14 - Infinite Possibilities I - Daedalus Demands Farscape - 3x15 - Infinite Possibilities II - Icarus Abides Farscape - 3x16 - Revenging Angel Farscape - 3x17 - The Choice Farscape - 3x18 - Fractures Farscape - 3x19 - I-Yensch You-Yensch Farscape - 3x20 - Into The Lions Den I - Lambs To The Slaugher Farscape - 3x21 - Into The Lions Den II - Wolf In Sheeps Clothing Farscape - 3x22 - Dog With Two Bones Farscape - 4x01 - Crichton Kicks Farscape - 4x02 - What Was Lost (Part 1) - Sacrifice Farscape - 4x03 - What Was Lost (Part 2) - Resurrection Farscape - 4x04 - Lavas A Many Splendored Thing Farscape - 4x05 - Promises Farscape - 4x06 - Natural Election Farscape - 4x07 - John Quixote Farscape - 4x08 - I Shrink Therefore I Am Farscape - 4x09 - A Prefect Murder Farscape - 4x10 - Coup By Clam Farscape - 4x11 - Unrealized Reality (Part 1) Farscape - 4x12 - Kansas (Part 2) Farscape - 4x13 - Terra Firma (Part 3) Farscape - 4x14 - Twice Shy Farscape - 4x15 - Mental As Anything Farscape - 4x16 - Bringing Home The Beacon Farscape - 4x17 - A Constellation Of Doubt Farscape - 4x18 - Prayer Farscape - 4x19 - We are So Screwed - Fetal Attraction (Part 1) Farscape - 4x20 - We are So Screwed - Hot To Katratzi (Part 2) Farscape - 4x21 - We are So Screwed - La Bomba (Part 3) Farscape - 4x22 - Bad Timing Farscape - The Peacekeeper Wars (Part 1) Farscape - The Peacekeeper Wars (Part 2) Fast And Furious Fat Choi Spirit Fata Morgana Fate Ignoranti Le Father of a Soldier (Rezo Chkheidze 1964) Father of the Bride Fawlty Towers Fear Dot Com Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Fear of Fear (Rainer Werner Fassbinder 1975) Feed the Kitty (1952) Fellowship of the Ring The Female Convict Scorpion Beast Stable 1973 Shunya Ito Female Prisoner 701 Scorpion 1972 Femme Fatale (2002) Fiances The 1962 Fierce Creatures (1997) Fight Club CD1 Fight Club CD2 Fighter in the Wind Fighting Fish 2004 Fille Sur La Pont La Filles Uniques 2003 Film That Was Never Made A Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x01 Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x02 Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x03 Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x04 Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x05 Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x06 Final Countdown The 1980 CD1 Final Countdown The 1980 CD2 Final Destination - New Line Platinum Series Final Fantasy Final Friday The - Jason Goes To Hell 25fps Final Insult The Final Nightmare The Finders Fee (Jeff Probst 2001) Finding Forrester 2000 Finding Nemo Fire in the Sky Firefly - Serenity (pilot) Firefly 1x01 - The train job Firefly 1x02 - Bushwhacked Firefly 1x03 - Shindig Firefly 1x04 - Safe Firefly 1x05 - Our mrs Reynolds Firefly 1x06 - Jaynestown Firefly 1x07 - Out of gas Firefly 1x08 - Ariel Firefly 1x09 - War stories Firefly 1x10 - Trash Firefly 1x11 - The message Firefly 1x12 - Heart of gold Firefly 1x13 - Objects in space Firelight Firemens Ball The 1967 First Great Train Robbery The 1978 CD1 First Great Train Robbery The 1978 CD2 First Men In The Moon 1964 First Power The Fish Called Wanda A Fisher King The Fistful Of Dollars A Fistful of Dynamite A CD1 Fistful of Dynamite A CD2 Five Easy Pieces 1970 CD1 Five Easy Pieces 1970 CD2 Fiza Flash Gordon CD1 Flash Gordon CD2 Fled Flesh and Blood CD1 Flesh and Blood CD2 Fletch Flight Of The Intruder CD1 1991 Flight Of The Intruder CD2 1991 Flipper (1996) CD1 Flipper (1996) CD2 Flower of the Arabian Nights 1974 CD1 Flower of the Arabian Nights 1974 CD2 Flubber 1997 CD1 Flubber 1997 CD2 Fly Away Home Fly The (Kurt Neumann 1958) Fog of war The 2003 limited theatrical version For A Few Dollars More 1965 For Scent-imental Reasons (1949) Foreigner The Fourth Man Frankenfish 2004 Frankenstrom Frankenstrom 2001 Frantic (1988) Frasier 01x01 - The Good Son Frasier 01x02 - Space Quest Frasier 01x03 - Dinner At Eight Frasier 01x04 - I Hate Frasier Crane Frasier 01x05 - Heres Looking At You Frasier 01x06 - The Crucible Frasier 01x07 - Call Me Irresponsible Frasier 01x08 - Beloved Infidel Frasier 01x09 - Selling Out Frasier 01x10 - Oops Frasier 01x12 - Miracle On Third Or Fourth Street Frasier 02x01 - Slow Tango in South Seattle Frasier 02x02 - The Unkindest Cut of All Frasier 02x03 - Commentary by Director David Lee and Writer Joe Keenan Frasier 02x03 - The Matchmaker Frasier 02x04 - Flour Child Frasier 02x05 - Dukes We Hardly Knew You Frasier 02x06 - The Botched Language of Cranes Frasier 02x07 - The Candidate Frasier 02x08 - Adventures in Paradise Part 1 Frasier 02x09 - Adventures in Paradise Part 2 Frasier 02x10 - Burying a Grudge Frasier 02x11 - Seat of Power Frasier 02x12 - Roz in the Doghouse Frasier 02x13 - Retirement is Murder Frasier 02x14 - Fool Me Once Shame on You Fool Me Twice Frasier 02x15 - You Scratch My Book Frasier 02x16 - The Show Where Sam Shows Up Frasier 02x17 - Daphnes Room Frasier 02x18 - The Club Frasier 02x19 - Someone to Watch Over Me Frasier 02x20 - Breaking the Ice Frasier 02x21 - An Affair to Forget Frasier 02x22 - Agents In America Part 3 Frasier 02x23 - The Innkeepers Frasier 02x24 - Dark Victory Freddys Revenge A Fredrikssons Fabrikk Free Willy 1993 Free Willy 2 - The Adventure Home Free Willy 3 - The Rescue Freeway (Sous-titres) French Connection II (1975) French Connection The Frenzy (1972) Fresh (1994) Fresh Bait 1995 Friday Friday Night (2002) Friday the 13th Friday the 13th Part 8 Friends - 02x03 - the one where heckles dies Friends - 02x09 - the one with with phoebes dad Friends - 02x11 - the one with the lesbian wedding Friends - 02x13 - the one after the superbowl part 2 Friends - 02x15 - the one where ross and rachel you know Friends - 02x16 - the one where joey moves out Friends - 02x18 - the one where dr ramoray dies Friends - 02x20 - the one where old yeller dies Friends - 02x22 - the one with two parties Friends - 02x24 - the one with barry and mindys wedding Friends - 10x01 - TOW After Joey And Rachel Kiss Friends - 10x02 - TOW Where Ross Is Fine Friends - 10x03 - TOW Ross Tan Friends - 10x04 - TOW the cake Friends - 10x05 - TOW Rachels Sister Babysits Friends - 10x06 - TOW Rosss Grant Friends - 10x07 - TOW The Home Study Friends - 10x08 - TOW the late Thanksgiving Friends - 10x09 - TOW the birth mother Friends - 10x10 - TOW Chandler Gets Caught Friends - 10x11 - TOW The Stripper Cries Friends - 10x12 - TOW Phoebes Wedding Friends - 10x13 - TOW Joey Speaks French Friends - 10x14 - TOW Princess Consuela Friends - 3 22 - The One With the Screamer Friends - 3x01 - The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy Friends - 3x02 - The One Where No Ones Ready Friends - 3x03 - The One With the Jam Friends - 3x04 - The One With the Metaphorical Tunnel Friends - 3x05 - The One With Frank Jr Friends - 3x06 - The One With the Flashback Friends - 3x07 - The One With the Race Car Bed Friends - 3x08 - The One With the Giant Poking Device Friends - 3x09 - The One With the Football Friends - 3x10 - The One Where Rachel Quits Friends - 3x11 - The One Where Chandler Cant Remember Friends - 3x12 - The One With All the Jealousy Friends - 3x13 - The One Where Monica and Richard Friends - 3x14 - The One With Phoebes Ex-Partner Friends - 3x15 - The One Where Ross and Rachel Take Friends - 3x16 - The One the Morning After Friends - 3x17 - The One Without the Ski Trip Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse Friends - 3x21 - The One With a Chick and a Duck Friends - 3x22 - The One With the Screamer Friends - 3x23 - The One With Rosss Thing Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish Friends - 4x02 - The One With the Cat Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1 Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2 Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth Friends - 6x15 Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1 Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2 Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2) Frisson des vampires Le From Beijing with love From Dusk Till Dawn From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter From Hell From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition) Frontera La Frusta e il corpo La Fucking Amal Fudoh The New Generation 1996 Fugitive The - The Chase Continues Fugitives (2000) Fukssvansen (Chop Chop) Full Frontal 2002 Full Metal Jacket Full Time Killer Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1 Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2 Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963) Funeral Parade of Roses Funeral in Berlin Funny Girl Fuochi dArtifizio Furia (2002) Fury The (1978) Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000 Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember Futurama 2x02 - Mars University Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2 Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before Futurama 4x12 - The Sting Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1 Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2 |