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Family Guy 03x05 - And The Weiner Is

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"It seems today that all you see
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV
"But where are those|good old-fashioned values
"On which we used to rely?
"Lucky there's a family guy
"Lucky there's a man who positively|can do all the things that make us
"Laugh and cry
"He's a family guy
Look, I'm that pretty dark-haired|figure skater with the horse teeth,
the one who got what she had coming.
Nice figure eight, Mom.
Ha! All right!
OK, Bonnie. One, two, three, push!
Oh! Ah! Whoa!
My God! I can walk! It's a mira...!
- Sorry, Dad.|- Just get the chair.
Good shot.|Made my brown eye blue with that one.
- Yeah. Next one's coming for your head!|- Oh, no! No, help! Oh, help!
- What the hell?|- Now is the winter of your discontent!
You wanna race? On your mark, get set, go!
First to where|that Pakistani girl fell through the ice
after coming to the States|for her severely burned face
she got when the man she refused to marry|dumped sulphuric acid on her, wins. I win!
Yes! Yes! In your face! In your face!
In my face! In my face!
Ahh! No! Acid girl! It's acid girl! Ahh!
- James Woods High! Whoo!|- Hey, guys.
- What do you want?|- I'm trying out for cheerleading.
Peter Rabbit would be wise|to stay out of Mr McGregor's garden.
Why don't you try the flag girls squad?
Are you trying out for flag girl?
Yes! I win again, Andy.
(English accent) One more before|the missus notices I'm not on the couch.
Too late!
Hey, careful, Quagmire.|Don't get too close to that thing.
Did I just get laid?
- Nice game, Peter.|- I'm on a roll.
- I whipped Chris on the ice today.|- Enjoy it while it lasts.
It's only a matter of time|before he beats you.
What? I'm better than him at everything:|Sports, video games, even magic tricks.
- Ha-ha. Got your nose.|- Oh, yeah? Well, I got your face.
Calm down, Chris. It's only a trick.
Face it, sooner or later|you'll have to pass the torch.
I remember the first time|Kevin beat me. I was so proud,
I gave him a little congratulatory|punch in the arm. Then another.
Then everything got hazy. Kevin went|to live with a foster family for a while...
- It's inevitable.|- Don't feel bad.
I think I know why your son beat you.
Apparently, you're|a 12-year-old prepubescent girl.
Which is good, cos I finally have someone|to give this training bra to. Here, Josephina.
Does it feel good|on your new budding bosoms?
- (high voice) It sure does...|- Get the hell off me!
Rudolph, we figured out|what makes your nose red.
- Is it pixie dust or leprechaun tails?|- No, it's a tumour.
You mean like|a magical Christmas tumour?
No, a malignant tumour, the base of which|is lodged deep within your brain.
- Oh. Like a happy special...|- You're going to die.
Hey, everybody, guess what I am.
The end result of a drunken backseat|gropefest and a broken prophylactic?
- I'm on the flag girl squad!|- Oh, honey, congratulations.
- Hey, Chris. I bet you can't do this.|- I bet I can!
We perform at all the football games.|I'm practically a cheerleader!
That's wonderful. Isn't that wonderful?
Way to go, Stewie. Chris, I'll see|your fork and raise you a gravy ladle.
You're on!
So, you're a flag girl. That's great, Meg.
Yes, yes.
Now you can be somewhere else|when the boys don't call.
- All right. Salt shaker up the nose.|- I got pepper.
Ha-ha! Yes! I win!
- That was fun, Dad!|- I'm the man!
Yeah! Ahh!
Lois, go get the medical dictionary|and look up "fork" and "lung."
- Why?|- Time's a factor, Lois.
Say, Meg, looking sharp.|You want to go out after the game tonight?
Neil, I'm a flag girl now.|I'm way too cool to be seen with you.
Really? Not even|if I smoke this corncob pipe?
Are we all ready to cheer|at the game tonight?
"We?" Oh, you made flag girl, huh?
Yeah. This morning my mom|was, like, "Don't forget your lunch",
and I'm all "I'm a flag girl now,|I won't forget my lunch",
and she's all|"Don't forget your halftime routine."
Moms! Hey, maybe we could all,|like, hang out after the game.
Go, team!
Uncool people are like animals.
You want to go feed|the science club after school?
Look at me.
Look at me, I'm smoking.|Dog, dog, look, look...
Alcohol doesn't really make you warmer.|It constricts the blood vessels...
- Shut up.|- The dog just told me to shut up.
I demand to know|what you plan to do about this. Hey!
- Hey! The dog just told me...|- Be quiet, Stewie.
- Freezing my nips off out here.|- Oh, look, there's Meg.
Meg! Meg! Meg!
- Hi, Meg.|- Hi, Meg.
Here we go.
(" marching band)
- Isn't she beautiful?|- Yeah, but I think she's with that guy.
- They've held hands all night.|- I mean Meg.
Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's hot.
- Oh! This meat stinks something fierce!|- This'll knock her down a couple notches.
(audience gasping)
Yea, Meg! Oh, man, I love how|these kids celebrate these days!
What do you got? What do you got?|Huh? Huh? Come on.
- Come on, ref. That's charging.|- Your feet were moving. No foul.
No foul?! Oh, that's a stupid call!|And I know something about stupid calls.
(phone rings)
(Peter) I can't take out the garbage. I'm at|the office and they're making me stay late.
Caller ID says you're|calling from the kitchen.
- In fact, I can see you.|- Can you see me now?
- No.|- Now I'm at the office.
Score's tied, next basket wins.|You might finally beat your old man.
"Old man"? I'm the white Larry Bird.
What do you got?|What do you got? Huh? Come on!
- Your mother and I are getting a divorce!|- You are?
Yes! Yes! Oh, no, we worked it out.
Son, you played good,|but your dad is still number one.
- Yeah, I don't think I'll ever beat you.|- Hey, Chris, what's with your leg?
Oh, my God! That's not your leg!
(Peter groaning)
- What's wrong, honey?|- I'll tell you:
I try to make love to you|and you think about Chris.
- Is there something you need to tell me?|- Thanks to you, our son has a huge wang.
- Thanks to me?|- He didn't get it from me.
- What are you talking about?|- I'll show you.
All right, stand back, Lois.
Oh, my. No wonder he's always slouching.
How did this happen?|I'm supposed to be the man of the house.
- You must be ashamed of me.|- Oh, Peter.
I care as much about the size of your penis|as you care about the size of my breasts.
Oh, my God!
You can't let those awful kids get to you.
They won't. I'm never|going back to that school again.
- Dad, could you help me with my algebra?|- You're a big man. You figure it out.
I bet there's a part of you|that wants to be friends with them.
- Maybe.|- So be nice to them.
Win your enemies over|with unflappable kindness.
- Chris, drink your milk. It'll make you big.|- No! No more milk for him.
He's had enough. Give me that.
Megan, you must try the brisket. I'll serve it|in the manner to which you're accustomed.
Come talk to me sometime, sweetheart.|I know what it takes to be cool.
(speaks lyrics to "Rocket Man", jazz style)
(exaggerated inhale)
(music starts)
(speak-sings lyrics)
Oh, yeah. That's the good stuff.
- Hi, you guys.|- God, it's her.
- Look, about the other night...|- Oh, that was hilarious.
I just wish I'd known ahead of time.|I would've brought potato salad!
You guys want tomorrow's biology test?
- Whoa! How'd you get that?|- I spent the night with Mr Burler.
Ah, the sun's up.|I'm safe for another night. Thanks, Meg.
- Wow, thanks!|- See ya.
- That was kinda cool.|- Yeah.
I'm bored.
Wanna go push the janitor,|knowing he can't legally push us back?
- Sure!|- OK, cool. Let's go do it.
Hey, Dad. Look at these little bananas.
Why, you smug little bastard!
Peter! Chris, these are plantains.|And there's nothing wrong with them.
In fact, a lot of women prefer them|to normal-size bananas,
because they're exotic and flavourful|and very, very special.
Sure, all the sorority girls are clamouring|for the plantain section. Stop with this!
You're overreacting to this Chris stuff.
I mean, mine goes inside me|when I stand up. How do you think I feel?
- Is Dad mad at me?|- Oh, of course not, honey.
Go pick out a box of cereal and meet me|at the ten-inches-or-less line. Items!
Nice, huh? Huh? Yeah. You like this?
Stop it, Peter. You're embarrassing me.|Look, I know you're upset, but...
- Oh, my God. Where's Stewie?|- He's around.
Let me out of this|stink-filled corduroy dungeon!
- Peter, that's sick!|- It's OK. He's outside the underwear.
- Enjoy your new car, Mr Griffin.|- Thanks, Jim.
When you pull that thing into your garage,|does the garage say "Is it in yet?"
Don't worry, baby. I'll be gentle.
Ow. My pride.
You were right. I was nice to the cool kids|and they didn't spit on me.
Connie Demico even|invited me to her sweet 16.
Wonderful! What time do we nail|those snot-nosed punks?!
Nail them? You told me|to win them over with kindness.
Yes. Now that they think you're their friend,|it's the perfect time to exact your revenge.
I'm like one of those bald eagles|you see on the Discovery Channel:
Beautiful to look at,|but mess with one of my chicks
and I'll use my razor-sharp talons to rip|your (beep) eyes out! Cookies are done.
- Who wants chocolate-chip?|- I do!
But keep talking. All this stuff about|eye-gouging has gotten me all frisky.
Really. I've got about half a pack|of Rolaids in my diaper.
I'm glad you want to join|the National Gun Association.
Let me show you around.|This is our shooting range.
Here we have our locker room|with full shower facilities.
Holy crap! They're all so... small!
You see, Peter, the way we look at it,|a man's only as big as the gun he carries.
Sign me up, and get me|the biggest freakin' gun you got!
- Stewie, you can come out now.|- Turn off the light. I'm reading a ghost story.
Oh, yeah.|Who's the big man now, huh?
- Madonna or Janet Jackson?|- Which Janet?
- Velvet Rope.|- Yeah, that one. Pull!
- What the hell are you doing with that?|- You want to touch it? Go on.
Careful. We don't want it to get|too excited and go off in your hand.
This is pathetic. All because|you feel inadequate next to Chris.
Don't be stupid. I don't need to compete|with my son or his freakishly large penis.
- I'm a freak.|- Don't despair.
Let's hang a tyre on the end of it|and head on down to the ol' swimming hole.
Connie Demico's house is two storeys.|If we set up booby traps here, here...
- How'd you get these blueprints?|- Oh, your mother has her ways.
She has her ways.
- Can I have those blueprints?|- Sure, here you go.
Now I've put together|a little flash bomb to create a diversion.
I used to date|the pyro guy from Whitesnake.
What's Whitesnake?
That's the music mommies and daddies|listen to. Fire in the hole!
Some guys from the club|are going hunting tomorrow.
- Count me in.|- Hunting?
- You were gonna play hockey with Chris.|- Bring him along.
- Oh, no. It's too dangerous.|- Lois, Lois.
The National Gun Association is all about|safety, especially when it comes to kids.
Take a look at our new video.
Let's face it, your kids will get|into your guns. That's a fact.
Gun accidents can be avoided by|introducing your children to guns early.
Hi! I'm Petey the pistol.|Say, do you ever get Ionely?
- Yes.|- Me, too. Hold me.
If you squeeze me,|I make bad people go away.
But wait a minute.|I thought guns were bad.
(narrator) False! Guns are good.
In fact, did you know that Jesus and Moses|used guns to conquer the Romans?
So remember: Guns don't kill people,|dangerous minorities do.
See, Lois? They're responsible.
Hey. Hey, check it out, Chris.|I can write my name in the snow.
- This is fun, Dad.|- Son, son, I told you.
Out here in the wilderness,|call me Rooster Cogburn.
I was starting to think|you didn't like me any more.
Shh. Chris, look! Tracks.|There must be a deer around here.
- Those are snowmobile tracks.|- Shh! There he is.
Such grace. That's the thing|about hunting - you gotta be patient.
What the hell was that?!
(both yelling)
Put this in the heating grate|and set it off in five minutes.
I changed my mind. I won't do it.
- They're my friends now.|- They pelted you with meat.
Did you forget the neighbour kids|chased you and sprinkled you with fixings?
Yes, I did!
OK. Now we're gonna play|Seven Minutes in Heaven,
and it's my party, so I want Doug|to go in the closet with... Meg.
Have fun.
OK. Everyone get ready.|Say hello to the lovers.
I don't know who should be|more humiliated, Meg or the pig.
- She's such a dork.|- I think I feel worse for the pig.
Mom, you were right!|I should have just stuck to the plan!
I figured you might get soft on me,|so I hired an old friend to scar them for life.
- Hey there, sweetie. How old are you?|- 16.
- 18?! You're first.|- Mom!
I like where this is going.|Giggidy-giggidy-good-goody.
Don't worry, Chris, I'll handle the bear.|Say hello to Satan for me!
It's a boy, Mrs Griffin.
I'm afraid the fever|has affected his motor skills.
He's gonna have to repeat the fourth grade.
Looks like he'll have to repeat|the fourth grade, Mrs Griffin.
The only way to get rid of them|is with this shampoo and a tiny comb.
Congratulations.|You've passed the fourth grade.
Great. I gotta leave though.|I'm going hunting with my son.
Dad, I know what to do!|I saw it on Fox's When Bears Attack!
Go away! Go on, get!|Stay tuned for an all-new Ally McBeal!
Holy crap! Chris, that was amazing.|I mean, I just froze up.
But you handled that bear like a real man.|I'm proud of you, son.
You are? Because I heard|what you said about my huge... you know.
Oh. Oh, you heard that, huh?
I was just being stupid. Take it from me,|that thing you got there is a blessing.
I mean, every guy you see with a big house|or a fancy car or a shiny gold tooth
is really just saying|"Don't look at my penis."
- But you'll never have to worry about that.|- Thanks, Dad! You're the best.
You know, Dad, I just realised something.|Your name's Peter.
You're right, it is.
(both laughing)
Visiontext Subtitles: Karin Baker
Face 2004
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Family Guy 03x05 - And The Weiner Is
Family Guy 03x06 - Death Lives
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Friends - 10x13 - TOW Joey Speaks French
Friends - 10x14 - TOW Princess Consuela
Friends - 3 22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x01 - The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy
Friends - 3x02 - The One Where No Ones Ready
Friends - 3x03 - The One With the Jam
Friends - 3x04 - The One With the Metaphorical Tunnel
Friends - 3x05 - The One With Frank Jr
Friends - 3x06 - The One With the Flashback
Friends - 3x07 - The One With the Race Car Bed
Friends - 3x08 - The One With the Giant Poking Device
Friends - 3x09 - The One With the Football
Friends - 3x10 - The One Where Rachel Quits
Friends - 3x11 - The One Where Chandler Cant Remember
Friends - 3x12 - The One With All the Jealousy
Friends - 3x13 - The One Where Monica and Richard
Friends - 3x14 - The One With Phoebes Ex-Partner
Friends - 3x15 - The One Where Ross and Rachel Take
Friends - 3x16 - The One the Morning After
Friends - 3x17 - The One Without the Ski Trip
Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape
Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt
Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse
Friends - 3x21 - The One With a Chick and a Duck
Friends - 3x22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x23 - The One With Rosss Thing
Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ
Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach
Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish
Friends - 4x02 - The One With the Cat
Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs
Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing
Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend
Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl
Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses
Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box
Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going
Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from
Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus
Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos
Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush
Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day
Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby
Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party
Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn
Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress
Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste
Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses
Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation
Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever
Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1
Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2
Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel
Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing
Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth
Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips
Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti
Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In
Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins
Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich
Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister
Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions
Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh
Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag
Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out
Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey
Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop
Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels
Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes
Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt
Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along
Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball
Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break
Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas
Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas
Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel
Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial
Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His
Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche
Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night
Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs
Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth
Friends - 6x15
Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder
Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book
Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies
Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant
Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture
Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners
Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book
Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs
Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy
Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo
Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes
Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night
Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies
Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty
Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain
Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London
Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress
Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award
Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin
Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses
Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows
Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad
Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1
Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2
Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes
Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries
Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician
Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks
Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner
Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny
Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song
Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister
Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number
Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa
Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work
Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats
Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings
Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates
Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging
Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job
Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service
Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery
Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream
Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party
Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test
Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor
Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2)
Frisson des vampires Le
From Beijing with love
From Dusk Till Dawn
From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter
From Hell
From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition)
Frontera La
Frusta e il corpo La
Fucking Amal
Fudoh The New Generation 1996
Fugitive The - The Chase Continues
Fugitives (2000)
Fukssvansen (Chop Chop)
Full Frontal 2002
Full Metal Jacket
Full Time Killer
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2
Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963)
Funeral Parade of Roses
Funeral in Berlin
Funny Girl
Fuochi dArtifizio
Furia (2002)
Fury The (1978)
Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000
Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed
Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate
Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space
Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet
Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars
Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns
Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage
Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots
Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember
Futurama 2x02 - Mars University
Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack
Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory
Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood
Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost
Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas
Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish
Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz
Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love
Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid
Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment
Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules
Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe
Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam
Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil
Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind
Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin
Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot
Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own
Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember
Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2
Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well
Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas
Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock
Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef
Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld
Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket
Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero
Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom
Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV
Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark
Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot
Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles
Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry
Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before
Futurama 4x12 - The Sting
Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her
Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous
Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox
Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys
Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry
Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2