Family Guy 01x07 - Brian Portrait of a Dog
Come on, everyone.
The Eight is Enough reunion show
is about to start.
Mary, have you seen Nicholas?
He's up in his room sulking, Dad.
Yeah. He's still upset
because Abby threw out his baseball cards.
Maybe I should make him a sandwich.
Dad. That's your solution to everything.
Dad!
What?
Eight is enough.
You know, I love you girls.
"It seems today that all you see
"is violence in movies and sex on TV
"But where are those good,
old-fashioned values
"on which we used to rely?
"Lucky there's a family guy
"Lucky there's a man who'll
positively tell you
"all the things that make us
"laugh 'n' cry
"He's a family guy"
Splendid.
That hausfrau's cheap rayon blouses
will make a serviceable parachute...
...should I need to abandon
my jet in mid-flight.
Once it's built, of course.
Rupert, did you call that engineer
at Lockheed yet?
No, of course you didn't,
you worthless little...
There! See what you made me do?
Do you think I enjoy hitting you?
Actually, I do.
I enjoy it so much I'm going to do it again!
Stewie! My clothes are not for you
to play with, understand?
Thanks for telling me, Brian.
I don't know what we'd do without you.
I'm on to you. Your pathetic attempts to
hinder my work have not gone unnoticed.
You prance about this house
like the cock of the walk.
But will you be prancing
when there's nothing to prance about?
Will you be prancing then?
You just want to eat him up.
It is so hot out there!
How hot is it?
I don't know. Like, around 98, 99.
I don't get it.
I think I'm a little sweaty.
You! You seem to know all the players
in this poorly-acted farce.
What do they call that one?
That's Meg, dude. You know that.
Meg! You vile-smelling girl,
you're not to touch any of my things!
You understand me? Dirty girl.
Meanwhile, here at home...
...Quahog remains in the sweltering grip
of a freak heat wave.
I don't think you should use
the word "freak".
Some people might find it offensive.
- Finish your oatmeal, son.
- Why bother? I'm just a freak!
We're all a little different, Diane.
Each of us.
Good point.
We're even feeling the effects
of this heat wave here in our studio.
Freak.
So stay inside and stay cool.
I think I saw one of her nipples!
Chris, that's a terrible word! "Nipple."
I'll chalk that up to the heat, mister.
Am I to strut about all day like
a beggar child on the streets of Calcutta?
Fetch me something linen to throw on
before I call Child Services!
Please don't threaten Mommy.
She's very hot.
Chris, you're hogging up all the fans!
Yeah? You're hogging up all the ugly!
Check this out, you guys.
The Rhode Island Dog Show
Championship is in Quahog this year!
- First prize is $500!
- Really?
If you won, we could use that money
for a new air conditioner.
Brian. You could win for sure.
You could do your impression
of a barbershop quartet.
"We were sailing along
"On Moonlight Bay
"We could hear the voices singing
"They seemed to say"
Sorry. I don't do dog shows.
It's not my thing.
Come on.
All you gotta do is a few simple commands.
And maybe a trick or two.
It'll be like taking candy from a baby.
Please, Brian.
I don't know. I mean
I don't even know where my papers are.
Can't you get the money another way?
I've been trying.
That's why I went on that game show.
For $800, this chemical dye is found
in over 95% of all cosmetic products.
Diarrhea.
What?
Sorry. What is Diarrhea?
Come on, Brian.
We really need a new air conditioner.
Okay, let's go over the commands.
Sit.
Good. Roll over.
I'm already shvitzing like crazy here.
Let's call it a night.
Do you want to win this thing or not?
We haven't even talked
about how you'll wear your ears.
I was thinking up.
I need a cocktail.
Don't push too hard, Peter.
You gotta take Brian's feelings
into consideration.
After all, it's only a dog show.
Lois, honey, I love you...
...but you're sucking all the energy
out of the room.
Come.
I got you a little something for the show.
It's Italian. Do you like it?
It's exquisite.
It's not for every day.
Clearly. I'm gonna put it on right now.
I know how hard you've been working.
And the whole family appreciates it.
Thank you, Lois.
I should go. We'll be waiting downstairs
whenever you're ready.
And Brian...
...you look very handsome.
Showtime!
Welcome to the Quahog Dog
Show. Today's competition will be...
...almost as hot as the weather,
which is once again in the triple digits.
...almost as hot as the weather,
which is once again in the triple digits.
Peter, I'm not really comfortable
with all this.
Do I know you?
I don't think I can do this.
You can't back out now. How about a pill?
- Something to relax you before you go on?
- Peter, are you offering Brian drugs?
Not drugs. Just a little blue thing
celebrities take to help them perform.
Well, those celebrities are wrong!
Lois, if Liza is wrong,
then I don't want to know what right is.
Two minutes to curtain, Miss Minnelli!
Come on, baby! Mama's gotta sparkle!
It's time to make life a cabaret!
Lady, for God's sake, I'm just
a hard-shelled chocolate candy! Get help!
You there, child-woman!
I'll give you a shiny dime
if you'll roll me into the nearest lake.
Let me see if I can find you a juice box.
And get the lead out, pudgy!
Next, Peter Griffin and his dog, "Brain".
We're off to a good start.
A beautiful performance
from "Brain" Griffin!
Go, Brian!
All right, Brian. We got it all sewn up.
What the hell is this?
This? This is the part
where you beg for a treat.
I don't think so.
Brian, you're embarrassing me.
God, he can't expect Brian to do that.
It's easier than it looks, Mom.
Come on, Brian. We had a deal.
Yeah? The deal's off.
Me and the little shred of dignity I have left
will be waiting in the car!
Brian, come! Don't you walk out on me!
I now command you to leave.
Keep going. Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, flip me off. Good boy.
How could you let me down
like that, Brian?
I let you down?
Because I refused to demean myself...
...by perpetuating the stereotype
of the good dog?
This is the one thing I ever asked you
to do for us.
This and not do that thing where you
drag your ass across the carpet.
One time I did that!
Peter, Brian, please.
Let's just have a nice family car ride
like we always do.
Yeah.
Except for the time Dad hit that deer.
Yeah, it looks like it's just a ding.
There's no reason to involve
the insurance companies.
I should still take down your information.
Really? You could probably just
buff that out.
Yeah, but I...
I would really feel better
if I got your information.
Brian, maybe I had you pegged wrong.
Maybe you really don't care
about this family.
If you cared about me, you'd never
ask me to do something so degrading.
The next time I ask you to do something,
I expect you to do it. Understand?
Who wants to sing show tunes? "In old..."
Stop the car.
Is that what you want?
Because I'll stop.
Pull over now.
Fine.
God. Brian, don't do this.
Is the doggie going bye-bye? I'm so sad.
Quick! Back up!
Great. Is there a problem, Officer?
Can I see your license, boy?
"Boy"?
Oh, God. I left it on my other collar.
- You been chasing cars tonight, boy?
- Look, the name is Brian.
- I was just out for a little walk. That's all.
- Without a leash.
I'm gonna have to ask you to lie down
on the sidewalk. Down!
I don't believe this.
I don't suppose you could let us off
with a warning?
Sorry, sir.
But leash laws are for his own good.
The fine is $10.
You behave, little fella, you hear me?
Lordy, I'll never roam again!
Jackass.
He's the law outside this house
just like I'm the law inside this house.
- And you better start obeying both of us.
- Look at you.
Big man, can't even afford to buy
an air conditioner for your family.
What a bitch.
Good morning Quahog.
The heat wave has finally broken.
It sure has. You know what they say,
"If you don't like...
"...the weather in New England,
go back where you came from."
I don't think that's the expression.
I guess I had too many
bloody marys this morning. But anyway...
God. I hope the boss isn't watching.
I don't know how those two manage
to be so perky in the morning.
Something smells good.
Homemade cinnamon buns
fresh from the tube.
Nothing says "I love you"
like something from...
What the hell are you doing,
you crazy bitch?
These oughta cheer Brian up.
Cinnamon buns are his favorite.
Really?
I could've sworn his favorite was
"treat Peter like crap" buns.
Good morning, Brian.
My, your summer coat is really
coming in nicely. Isn't it, Peter?
Yeah. Must be that special jojoba shampoo
I bought you. It cost a little extra.
But I would do anything for you, Brian.
I'll be on the veranda
since you're already on the cross.
Eat with us, Brian. I made cinnamon buns.
May I have one on a plate or is
Peter planning to balance it on my nose?
Peter, Brian, stop this.
Can't you two go back to the way
you used to be?
We can't go back to the way things were
after how I was treated.
- Not after the things I've seen.
- What did you see? Was it breasts?
Get over it, Brian.
I mean, how bad do you really have it here?
- When I found you, you were just a stray.
- You swore you would never speak of that.
No, thank you. I just had it cleaned.
No. Jeez.
All set, sir.
I don't have any change. Sorry.
That's okay. No charge.
Wait.
You hungry?
Because my wife makes
this beef-a-roni casserole.
Out of this world.
Look, you got everything
you could possibly want right here.
Now just eat your cinnamon bun
and stop being a bad dog.
How dare you?
How dare I?
Where do you think you're going?
Out!
You're not going anywhere
without your leash!
I don't need your damn leash, or you!
I'm going for a walk.
Don't worry. He won't get far without this.
And a pack of Eldorados, unfiltered.
What? That. Yeah.
I'll clean that up on my way out.
See that sign?
Now why don't you go tie yourself
up to that parking meter?
I don't want any trouble.
Mom, have you ever had
a problem with freshness?
What do you mean, honey?
You know. Have you ever felt not so fresh?
I'm not sure what you're...
I don't follow you.
Have you ever felt like you're dirty?
Down there?
God, no!
That was Brian's favorite commercial.
"Brian"? No, it's not ringing a bell.
Stop it! We all miss him.
Go find him, apologize,
and bring him home.
You heard him.
He doesn't want to be a part of this family.
We don't need him. We'll get another pet.
No way, Dad.
No one can take Brian's place.
Silence!
That mongrel is probably decomposing
on the side of a dirt road as we speak!
- Let's get a kitty!
- See, gang? Stewie's got the right idea.
- I don't know, Peter.
- Lois, trust me.
We'll get a lovable kitty-cat
and everybody will feel a lot better.
Here, kitty, kitty.
Come on down nice and easy.
That's a good kitty.
What the hell was that?
Something near a window.
Preferably a booth.
Yeah, you got 50 Puerto Ricans
in the kitchen!
Yeah, that's authentic Italian.
Don't do that.
That's what they expect you to do.
Okay, fine for you.
But what about your puppies?
And your puppies' puppies?
Am I the only one who's outraged here?
I'm sorry. Enjoy your dinner.
How come you're still setting
a place for Brian?
Because when he comes home, I want
him to know he never left our thoughts.
I know you're thinking about him,
too, Peter.
Look, Lois, he broke his promise to me.
Besides, we have a new pet.
And we love our fluffy kitty.
Gross. Did he just drink from the fountain?
Hey, you!
Stay!
Joyce DeWitt?
So that's where you've been.
Sorry, pooch. You gotta sleep outside.
No dogs allowed in the bus station.
My blind guy's in the john.
I'll point him in your direction.
Brian's tennis ball.
Man, he loved to play with this thing.
Double fault!
Come on, Brian.
Peter, why don't you
just admit you miss Brian?
You're right, Lois. Who am I kidding?
This family needs Brian. I need him.
God, I hate this freaking cat.
Can you spare some change?
Why? So you can go buy yourself
another bottle of booze?
Why don't you make something
of your life, like this dog?
That's me! I mean, that was me.
Yeah, sure.
No, I mean it. That was me.
Get away from me, you crazy animal!
You want me to be a crazy animal?
Okay, I'm a crazy animal!
Stop! Help!
Help!
All right, who wants to be next?
You? You?
Brian!
I'm here to bring you...
You're going downtown, pal.
...home.
Hi. How's it going?
Oh, God. I know karate!
Look! A tasty little baby!
I see somebody's been neutered.
Come on, sugar. It's time.
Thank God.
He's cute. Aren't you precious?
Lethal injection. Next!
- What?
- Oh, no!
You can't do this!
Who's up for a little lunch?
Something festive.
Did someone say Tex-Mex?
I'm sorry, sugar.
Help me.
Don't worry. I'll get you out of this.
I'll get us the best help there is.
"Dear MacGuyver...
"Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip,
and a drinking straw.
"Please save my dog."
You're looking well.
Don't get too close.
They say I'm dangerous.
That's why the man's gonna put me down.
Don't say that, Brian.
Peter is working on your appeal.
You'll see. Everything's gonna work out.
I may have been born with my eyes closed,
but now I see the world for what it is.
I'm a second-class citizen, Lois.
Great news!
The City Council agreed to hear your case!
You're kidding! If I prepare
my case, I might have a chance after all.
I don't know how to thank you.
We're family.
This is what we do for each other.
Right, Peter?
Peter, don't stare!
Good luck, sweetness.
Thanks, Felicia.
This meeting was called...
...to review the judgment
in City of Quahog v. Brian Griffin.
Justice, for all? Or for some?
Does a dog not feel?
If you scratch him, does his leg not shake?
Yes, he is man's best friend.
But what manner of friend is man?
I would like to cite the case of
Plessy v. Ferguson...
Wait a minute.
Why are we listening to a dog?
Take him away!
Does not every dog have his day?
Wait! Please! I gotta say something!
Look, all Brian's ever wanted
is the same respect he gives us.
That and Snausages.
He's mental for those Snausages.
And sure, sometimes we have arguments,
like when he's sleeping on the bed and...
...Lois is in the "oodmay"
but Brian won't "amscray."
- Peter...
- Okay.
Look. The point is, he's a member
of our family first and a dog second.
And I'm real sorry I forgot that, buddy.
Sometimes we all need a second chance.
Sometimes we all need to forgive!
I stole $10 from Meg's room!
I stole $10 from Mom's purse!
I've been making counterfeit $10 bills
for years.
Mr. Griffin, this dog is a danger to society.
Albeit an articulate and charismatic one.
But the law is the law and can't
be circumvented by pretty words.
I'll give you each $20.
Deal. He can go.
Mistrial, damn you! Mistrial!
No. Let him go.
Anybody want more pizza rolls?
Yeah. Quiet, Lois. Murder She Wrote.
Charles Montrose, after all these years.
Jessica Fletcher!
Why I haven't seen you since you had the...
You can say it, Charles.
I'm not ashamed. Abortion.
So she's the murderer!
Come on, kids. Bedtime.
Good night, Brian. And welcome home.
Good night, you guys.
Good night.
- Dog?
- Yeah?
If you ever tell anyone about that,
I will kill you.
|
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3x08 - The One With the Giant Poking Device Friends - 3x09 - The One With the Football Friends - 3x10 - The One Where Rachel Quits Friends - 3x11 - The One Where Chandler Cant Remember Friends - 3x12 - The One With All the Jealousy Friends - 3x13 - The One Where Monica and Richard Friends - 3x14 - The One With Phoebes Ex-Partner Friends - 3x15 - The One Where Ross and Rachel Take Friends - 3x16 - The One the Morning After Friends - 3x17 - The One Without the Ski Trip Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse Friends - 3x21 - The One With a Chick and a Duck Friends - 3x22 - The One With the Screamer Friends - 3x23 - The One With Rosss Thing Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish Friends - 4x02 - The One With the Cat Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1 Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2 Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth Friends - 6x15 Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1 Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2 Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2) Frisson des vampires Le From Beijing with love From Dusk Till Dawn From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter From Hell From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition) Frontera La Frusta e il corpo La Fucking Amal Fudoh The New Generation 1996 Fugitive The - The Chase Continues Fugitives (2000) Fukssvansen (Chop Chop) Full Frontal 2002 Full Metal Jacket Full Time Killer Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1 Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2 Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963) Funeral Parade of Roses Funeral in Berlin Funny Girl Fuochi dArtifizio Furia (2002) Fury The (1978) Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000 Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember Futurama 2x02 - Mars University Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2 Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before Futurama 4x12 - The Sting Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1 Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2
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