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X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh God! Bills, bills, bills. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|One is born, one runs up bills, one dies.|What have I got to show for it? Nothing. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|A butler's uniform|and a slightly effeminate hairdo. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Sometimes I feel like a pelican - whichever way I|turn, I've still got an enormous bill in front of me. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Pass the biscuit barrel.|Let's see what's in the kitty shall we? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Nine pence. Oh God, what are we going to do? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Don't worry Mr B,|I have a cunning plan to solve the problem. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Let us not forget, that you tried to solve|the problem of your mother's low ceiling X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|by cutting off her head. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|But this is a really good one.|You become a dashing highwayman, X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|then you can pay all your bills and, on top of that,|everyone'll want to sleep with you. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Baldrick, I could become a prostitute|and pay my bills, X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|then everyone would want to sleep with me,|but I do consider certain professions beneath me. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|And I fail to see why a thief should be idolised,|just because he has a horse between his legs. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|My favourite's the Shadow. What a man! They say|he's halfway to being the new Robin Hood. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Why only halfway?|- Well, he steals from the rich, X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|but he hasn't got round|to giving it to the poor yet. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Look, I've got a poster of him. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I have no desire to get hung|for wearing a silly hat. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|If I want to get rich quick, all I have to do|is go upstairs and ask Prince Fathead for a rise. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|(BELL RINGS) X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|The bank's open. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Good morning, sir.|May I say how immensely rich you're looking? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Was there anything you wanted? Anything at all? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Yes, I was wondering|if you could lend me a bit of cash. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|But of course, sir, I... Cash? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Yes, I'm rotten stinking stoning stinking broke. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|What about the 5,000 pounds X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|that Parliament voted you last week|to drink yourself to death with? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|All gone I'm afraid. You see, I've discovered this|terrifically fun new game. It's called "cards". X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|You sit round the table with your friends,|and you deal out five "cards" each, X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|and then the object of the game is to|give away all your money as quickly as possible. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Do you know it?|- Vaguely, sir, yes. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|All the chaps say I'm terrific at it. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I was very bad at it. I always seemed to end up|with more money than I started with. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|It's all down to practice.|I'm a natural apparently. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|The only drawback|is that it's pretty damned expensive. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|So I was wondering|if you could lend me a couple of hundred. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I'm afraid that's impossible. I'm as poor as a|church mouse that's just had an enormous tax bill X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|on the very day his wife ran off|with another mouse, taking all the cheese. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- What am I going to do?|- It's a difficult one. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Let's see now. You can't borrow money,|you're not going to inherit any money X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|and obviously you can't earn money. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Sir, drastic situations call for drastic measures.|If you can't make money, you'll have to marry it. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Marry? Never! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I'm a gay bachelor, Blackadder. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I'm a roarer, a rogerer, a gorger and a puker. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I can't marry.|I'm young, I'm firm buttocked, I'm... X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Broke?|- Well, yes, I suppose so. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|And don't forget, sir, that the modern Church|smiles on roaring and gorging within wedlock, X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|and indeed rogering is keenly encouraged. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|And the puking? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I believe still very much down to the|conscience of the individual churchgoer. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Well, tally-ho then, Blackadder.|Yes, you fix it up. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|You know the kind of girls I like,|they've got to be lovers, laughers, dancers... X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|And bonkers. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|That goes without saying. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Oh God!|- Something wrong, Mr B? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I can't find a single person|suitable to marry the prince. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Please, keep trying, I love a royal wedding. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|The excitement, the crowds, the souvenir mugs, X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|the worrying about|whether the bride's lost weight. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Unlikely with this lot. If the prince had stipulated|"must weigh a quarter of a ton" we'd be laughing. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Of the 262 princesses in Europe,|165 are over 80, they're out, X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|47 are under 10, they're out,|and 39 are mad. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|They sound ideal. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|They would be if they hadn't all got married|last week in Munich to the same horse. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Which leaves us with two.|- And what about them? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Well, there's Grand Duchess Sophia of Turin -|we'll never get her to marry him. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Why not?|- Because she's met him. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Which leaves? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Caroline of Brunswick.|- What's wrong with her? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Get more coffee! Change it! Take me roughly|from behind! No, not like that, like this! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Trousers off! Tackle out! Walk the dog!|Where's my presents?! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Which one do you want me to do first? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|No, that's what Caroline's like. She is famous|for having the worst personality in Germany. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|And as you can imagine,|that's up against some pretty stiff competition. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- So you're stuck then.|- Yes, I'm afraid I am. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Unless...|Pass me the paper, Baldrick, quick. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Why has half the front page been cut out? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- I don't know.|- You do know, don't you? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Yes. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|You've been cutting out the cuttings|about the elusive Shadow X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|to put in your|highwayman's scrapbook, haven't you? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I can't help it, Mr B. His life is so dark and|shadowy and full of fear and trepidation. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|So is going to the toilet in the middle of the|night, but you don't keep a scrapbook on it. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I do. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Now, let's see, society pages.|You see, it needn't necessarily be a princess. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|All the Prince wants|is someone pretty and rich. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh dear, that rules me out then. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Now, let me see.|"Beau Brummel in purple pants probe." X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|"King talks to tree. Phew! What a loony." X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|God, the Times has really gone downhill recently. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Aha! Listen to this: X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|"Mysterious northern beauty, Miss Amy Hardwood, X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|comes to London|and spends flipping great wodges of cash!" X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|That's our baby! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I don't know why I'm bothering to get dressed.|As soon as I get to the Naughty Hellfire Club X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I'll be de-bagged|and radished for non-payment of debts. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Radished, sir?|- They pull your britches down. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- And push a large radish right up your...|- Yes, all right, sir! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|There's no need to hammer it home. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- As a matter of fact they do often have to...|- No! No! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Your money worries are over, sir.|- Well, hurrah for that. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I have found you a bride. Her name is Amy,|daughter of the noted industrialist, Mr Hardwood. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Dammit, Blackadder,|you know I loathe industrialists. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Sad, balding, little proles|in their damn-your-eyes waistcoats. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|All puffed up because they know where|to put the legs on a pair of trousers. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Believe me, sir, these people are the future.|This man probably owns half of Lancashire. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|His family's got more mills|than you've got brain cells. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- How many mills?|- Seven, sir. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Quite a lot of mills then. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|He has patented a machine called|"The Ravelling Nancy". X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- What does it do?|- It ravels cotton, sir. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- What for?|- That I cannot say, sir. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I am one of these people who are quite happy|to wear cotton, but have no idea how it works. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|She is also a beauty, sir. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Well, if she's gonna be my bird, she'd better be.|Right, so what's the plan? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I thought I could take her a short note|expressing your honourable intentions. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Yes, yes, I think so too.|All right then, take this down. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|"From His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales|to Miss Amy Hardwood. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Tally-ho, my fine saucy young trollop.|Your luck's in. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Trip along here with all your cash,|and some naughty night attire, X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|and you'll be staring at my bedroom ceiling|from now till Christmas, you lucky tart. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Yours with the deepest respect etc, signed George.|P.S. Woof! Woof!" X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Well, what do you think?|- It's very moving, sir. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Would you mind if I changed|just one tiny aspect of it? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Which one?|- The words. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I'll leave the details to you, Blackadder. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Just make sure she knows I'm all man,|with a bit of animal thrown in. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Certainly, sir. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|From his Royal Highness the Prince of Wales|to Miss Amy Hardwood: X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|"The upturned tilt of your tiny wee nosy,|smells as sweet as a great big posy." X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Fanciful stuff, madam, but from the heart.|- He says my nosy is tiny? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|And wee, madam. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Well, he must be an awful clever clogs,|because you see, my nosy is tiny, X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|and so wee, that I sometimes think|the pixies gave it to me. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|He continues:|"Oh, Lady Amy, Queen of all your sex." X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I apologise for the word, madam,|but Prince George is a man of passion. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Don't worry,|I can get pretty cross myself sometimes. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I've heard a teensy rumour that the Prince|has the manners of a boy-cow's dingle dangle. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- What do you have to say to that?|- That is a lie, madam. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Prince George is shy and just pretends to be|bluff and crass and unbelievably thick and gittish, X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|whilst deep down he is a soft little marshmallowy,|pigletty type of creature. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh, I'm so glad.|You see, I'm a delicate tiny thing myself, X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|weak and silly and like a little fluffy rabbit. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|So I could never marry a horrible heffalump,|or I might get squished. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Tell me,|when can I meet the lovely Prince? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|You want to meet him? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|If we're going to get married|I think I probably ought to. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I know! Tell him to come and serenade me|tonight. I'll be on my balcony in my jim-jams. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Certainly, madam. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Eh up! Who's this big girl's blouse, then? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Father, this is Mr Blackadder, he's come|a-wooing from the Prince. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- You have a beautiful and charming daughter.|- Indeed I do. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I love her more than any pig,|and that's saying summat! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|It certainly is. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|And let me tell you, I'd no more place her|in the hands of an unworthy man X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|than I'd place my John Thomas|in the hands of a lunatic with a pair of scissors. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|An attitude that does you credit, sir. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I'd rather paint my bottom blue|than give her to a man who didn't love her. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|What self-respecting father could do more? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|On the other hand, if he's a prince,|he can have her for ten bob and a pickled egg. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- I can see where your daughter gets her wit, sir.|- I thank you. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Although where she gets her good looks|and charm is perhaps more of a mystery. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- No one ever made money out of good looks.|- You obviously haven't met Lady Hamilton, sir. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I tell you, Baldrick,|I'm not looking forward to this evening. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Trying to serenade a light fluffy bunny of a girl X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|in the company of an arrogant half German yob|with a mad dad. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- He is the Prince of Wales.|- Have you ever been to Wales, Baldrick? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- No, but I've often thought I'd like to.|- Well don't, it's a ghastly place. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Huge gangs of tough sinewy men roam the valleys|terrifying people with their close harmony singing. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|You need half a pint of phlegm in your throat|just to pronounce the place-names. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Never ask for directions in Wales, Baldrick, you'll|be washing spit out of your hair for a fortnight. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- So being Prince of it isn't considered a plus?|- I fear not, no. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|But the crucial thing is that they must never|be left alone together before the marriage. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Isn't that a bit unfair on her?|- It's not exactly fair on him either. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|The girl is wetter|than a haddock's bathing costume. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|But you know, Baldrick, the world isn't fair. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|If it was,|things like this wouldn't happen, would they? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|What's the plan? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Shin up the drain and ask her if she'll take|delivery of a consignment of German sausage? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|No, sir.|As we rehearsed: poetry first, sausage later. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Right. So, what do you think?|"Harold the Horny Hunter" should do the trick. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Remind me of it, sir. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|"Harold the Horny hunter,|had an enormous horn." X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|It is absolutely excellent, sir.|However, might I suggest an alternative? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|"Lovely little dumpling, how in love I am. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Let me be your shepherdkins,|you can be my lamb." X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I think we'll be very lucky if she doesn't just|come out onto the balcony and vomit over us. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Let's give it a whirl. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Just stand right here, sir.|Call for her romantically. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|(GEORGE SHOUTS): Oy! Come on out here,|you rollicking trolloping sauce bottle! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- (AMY): George?|- (GEORGE): Woof! Woof! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Is that you? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Yes, 'tis I, your gorgeous little love bundle. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh, George, I think you must be the snuggly|wuggliest lambkin in the whole of toy-land. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Yucch! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|What was that? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Nothing, there was just|a little fly in my throaty. Yucch, yucch... X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Do you want a hanky wanky|to gob the phlegmy wemmy woo into? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Phwoah! Crikey! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|What was that?|Is there someone down there with you? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|No, it was just the wind|whistling through the trees X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|and making a noise that sounded like|"phwoaaaah crikeeeeeey". X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh, joy!|Then come, Prince Cuddly Kitten, climb up my ivy. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Sausage time! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- There is someone down there with you!|- Oh my God, so there is. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- A filthy intruder spying on our love.|- Hit him, George, hit him! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Very well.|Would you mind screaming, Your Highness. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Take that! And that! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|And that! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh, you're so brave! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|And I'm so worn out with all the excitement|that I'd better go sleepy bobos, X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|otherwise I'll be all cross in the morning. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Nighty-night, Georgy Porgy!|- Nighty-wighty, Amy Wamy. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I think it worked, sir. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|In the morning I shall go in and ask her father,|you go out and start spending his money. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I can't stand meanness|when it comes to wedding presents. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- And well done, sir, you were brilliant.|- Was I? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- But I'm in agony!|- Well, that's love for you. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Sir, I come as emissary of the Prince of Wales|with the most splendid news. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- He wants your daughter Amy for his wife.|- Well his wife can't have her! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Outrageous, sir,|to come here with such a suggestion! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Mind, sir, or I shall take off my belt|and by thunder me trousers will fall down! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|No, sir, you misunderstand.|He wants to marry your lovely daughter. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Ah, ah... Can it be possibly true? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Surely love has never crossed|such boundaries of class? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|What about you and Mum? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I grant thee,|when I first met her, I was the farmer's son X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|and she was just the lass who ate the dung,|but that was an exception. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|And Aunty Dot and Uncle Ted. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Yes, he was a pig poker|and she was the Duchess of Argyle, but... X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|And Aunty Ruth was a milkmaid|and Uncle Isiah... X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|The Pope!|Yes, yes, all right. Don't argue. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Suffice to say if you marry, we need never be|poor or hungry again. Sir, we accept. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|So obviously you'll be wanting|an enormous ceremony... What did you say? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Well, obviously, now we're marrying quality,|we'll never be poor or hungry again. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Are you poor and hungry at the moment?|- Oh yes! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|We've been living off lard butties|for five years now. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I'm so poor|I use my underpants for drying dishes. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- So you're skint?|- Aye. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|In that case, the wedding's off. Good day. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|But what about George's lovey-wovey poems|that won my hearty-wearty? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|All writteny-witteny by me-wee|I'm afraidy-waidy. Goodbye. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Sir, you know I told you to go out and spend a lot|of money on wedding presents, well apparent... X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Yes? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Nothing. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Crisis, Baldrick, crisis!|No marriage, no money, more bills! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|For the first time I've decided to follow a|suggestion of yours. Saddle Prince George's horse. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|You're not becoming a highwayman, are you? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|No, I'm auditioning for the part of Arnold the Bat|in Sheridan's new comedy. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh, that's all right then. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Yeah, it's like goldy and bronzy,|only it's made of iron. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Never mind, never mind.|Just saddle the Prince's horse. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|That'll be difficult, he wrapped her|round that gas lamp in the Strand last night. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Saddle my horse then. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|What do you think you've been eating|for the last two months? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Well go out into the street and hire me a horse. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Hire you a horse? For ninepence?|On Jewish New Year in the rain? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|A bare fortnight after the dreaded horse plague|of Old London Town? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|With the blacksmith's strike in its fifteenth week|and the Dorset Horse-Fetishists fair tomorrow? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Right, well get this on then.|It looks as though you could do with the exercise. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Honestly, Papa. Ever since mother died|you've tried to stop me growing up. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I'm not a little girl, I'm a grown woman.|In fact I might as well tell you now, Papa: X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I'm pregnant, and I'm an opium fiend,|and I'm in love with a poet called Shelley, X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|who's a famous whoopsy.|And mother didn't die, I killed her! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Well, never mind. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|(GUNSHOT)|(BLACKADDER): Stand and deliver! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh no - disaster.|It's the Shadow - we're doomed, doomed. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Good evening, Duke, and the lovely|Miss Cheapside. Your cash-bags, please. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|You'll never get away with this!|You'll be caught and damn well hung. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- I think he looks...|- Madam, please. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Not the jest about me looking|pretty well hung already, we have no time. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Now, sir, turn out your pockets.|- Never, sir! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|A man's pockets are his own private kingdom.|I'll protect them with my life. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Got something embarrassing in there, have you?|A particularly repulsive handkerchief, hm? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|One of those fellows who has a big blow|and then doesn't change it for a week? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Aha!|- Highwayman, I also have a jewel. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I fear however, that I have placed it here,|beneath my petticoat, for protection. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Well in that case I think I'll leave it. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I'm not sure I fancy the idea of a jewel|that's been in someone's pants. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|A single kiss of those soft lips is all I require. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Never, sir! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|A man's soft lips are his own private kingdom,|I shall defend them with my life. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I'm not talking to you, grandad. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh, I am overcome. Take me with you|to live the life of the wild rogue, X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|cuddling under haystacks|and making love in the branches of tall trees. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Sadly I must decline - I fear my horse would|collapse with you on top of him as well as me. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I could try. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- No, Quicksilver, you couldn't.|- That's not fair then. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I had you on my back for ten miles,|and I don't even get a kiss out of it. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|All right, very well then... X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- All fair now?|- Not really, no. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|No pleasing some horses. Hi ho, Quicksilver! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Papa, you did nothing to defend my honour. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh, shut your face, you pregnant junkie fag-hag. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Well, Baldrick, a good night's work, I think. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|It's time to divide the loot. I think|it's only fair that we should share it equally. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Which I suppose is highwayman's talk|for you get the cash, I get the snotty hankie. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|No, we did this robbery together,|so you get half the cash. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Thank you, Mr B. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|This robbery, on the other hand, I'm doing alone.|Hand it over, your money or your life. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- There you see, all fair and above board.|- As long as I haven't been cheated I don't mind. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Hands up! I'm the Shadow, and I never miss. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh no. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- You, the one that looks like a pig.|- He's talking to you, Baldrick. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Scedaddle! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|So...who have we here. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|A well set up fellow indeed. Sir, a kiss. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Sorry, I'm not sure I heard that correctly.|- Oh dear. Maybe your ears need unblocking. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh, a kiss! Of course. Then perhaps a light supper,|some dancing, who knows where it might lead. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Good Lord, it's you!|- Of course! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- But your voice?|- Clever, isn't it? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Does your father know you're out?|- He had to go. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- You mean he's dead?|- Yes. Dead as that squirrel. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Which squirrel? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|(A SQUEAK, FOLLOWED BY A THUD) X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh, that squirrel. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Of course! You killed him for ruining your chances|of marrying Prince George. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I despise the Prince.|Don't you know it's you I want. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I want a real man.|A man who can sew on a button. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|A man who knows where the towels are kept. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|And yes, I crave your fabulous sinewy body. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Well, you're only human. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Here's the plan, brown eyes, X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|you rob the Prince of everything he's got,|right down to the clothes he's standing in. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I'll get my stash and meet you here.|Then we run away to the West Indies. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Well, I don't know, I'll have to think about it. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I've thought about it, it's a brilliant plan.|See you here tomorrow. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Right, I'm off. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|But what about the danger?|Look, the reward is going up day by day. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I laugh in the face of danger.|I drop ice-cubes down the vest of fear. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Things couldn't be better, Baldrick.|She'll get me abroad and make me rich. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Then I'll probably drop her|and get two hundred concubines to share my bed. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Wouldn't that be rather prickly? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Concubines, Baldrick, not porcupines. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I still can't believe you're leaving me behind. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Don't worry - when we're established on our|plantation in Barbados, I'll send for you. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|No more sad little London for you, Balders.|You'll stand out in life as an individual. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Will I?|- Of course, all the other slaves will be black. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh, Mr Blackadder, what's all this I hear|about you buying a bathing-costume X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|and forty gallons of coconut oil.|Are you going abroad then, sir? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Yes, I'm off.|- Oh, sir, what a tragic end to all my dreams. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|And I'd always hoped you would marry me X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|and that together|we might await the slither of tiny Adders. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Mrs M, if we were the last three humans on earth|I'd be trying to start a family with Baldrick. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Here I am, all packed and ready to go. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Darling, I'm so pleased to see you.|And I've got a little surprise for you. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Close your eyes and open your mouth. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Hand over the loot, goat brains. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Ha ha ha! I always said the bedrock of a good|relationship is being able to laugh together. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Good. Well done. So, which way to Barbados?|- You're not going to Barbados. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Get away from the cart, Mr Slimy,|or I'll fill you so full of lead X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|we could sharpen your head and call you a pencil. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|This is turning into a really rotten evening. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|You'd better make the most of it - it's your last. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|And it's a pity, because it's usually|against my principles to shoot dumb animals. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Except squirrels?|- Yes. Bastards. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I hate them with their long tails|and their stupid twitchy noses. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I shall return at midnight to collect the loot - X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|when I'll fill you so full of holes|I could market you as a new English cheese. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|(EVIL LAUGHTER) X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh God, what a way to die. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Shot by a transvestite|on an unrealistic grassy knoll. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Morning, Mr B.|- Baldrick! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Thank you for introducing me|to a genuinely new experience. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- What experience is that?|- Being pleased to see you. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- What are you doing here, you revolting animal?|- I've come for the Shadow's autograph. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- You know, I'm a great fan of the Shadow.|- Yes. Just untie me, Baldrick. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Has he gone? What a pity.|I wanted him to autograph my new poster. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Look, his reward's gone up|to ten thousand pounds. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Good Lord, ten thousand pounds -|that gives me an idea. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Take this cart-load of loot back to the palace|and meet me back here at midnight X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|with ten soldiers, a restless lynch-mob|and a small portable gallows. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Ha ha! Brekkers! X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I could eat fourteen trays of it this morning|and still have room for a dolphin on toast. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Any particular reason|for this gluttonous levity, sir? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Well, what do you think, Blackadder?|I'm in love. I'm in love. I'm in love. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh, Amy, bless all ten of your tiny pinkies. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Now, let's see what's in the paper. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh my God! She's been arrested and hanged. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Really? X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- It turns out she was a highwayman.|- These modern girls. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Apparently someone tipped off the authorities|and collected the ten thousand pounds reward. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|What a greasy sneak.|If only I could get my hands on him. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- You can't trust anyone these days.|- It says here that she had an accomplice. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|But they don't know who it was. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Oh, Amy, Amy, Amy, I shall never forget you.|Never ever never ever... X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Right, what's for breakfast?|- Kedgeree, sir. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|Great. I didn't need to get married anyway.|I've got pots of money. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- Really?|- The most extraordinary thing happened. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I was a bit peckish during the night,|so I nipped downstairs to the biscuit barrel. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|And do you know what I found inside?|Ten thousand pounds I never knew I had. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|I've got so much money now|I don't know what to do with it. X1:010 X2:719 Y1:010 Y2:574|- How about a game of cards, sir?|- Excellent idea! |
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A Hard Dayss Night Beatles The First US Visit The Beau Pere - Stepfather - Bertrand Blier 1981 Beautiful Creatures Beautiful Girls Beautiful Thing Beautiful Troublemaker The (1991) CD1 Beautiful Troublemaker The (1991) CD2 Beautiful Troublemaker The (1991) CD3 Beautifull Mind A CD1 Beautifull Mind A CD2 Beauty And The Beast Beauty and the Beast (Disney Special Platinum Edition) Beavis and Butt-head Do America (1996) Bedazzled Bedford Incident The Bedroom Key The CD1 Bedroom Key The CD2 Beethoven Before Night Falls 2000 CD1 Before Night Falls 2000 CD2 Before Sunrise Before Sunset 2004 Beguiled The Behind Enemy Lines 2001 Behind The Sun (Walter Salles 2001) Being John Malkovich Being There (1979) CD1 Being There (1979) CD2 Belle Epoque CD1 Belle Epoque CD2 Belle and La Bete La (1946) Bellinin And The Spynx CD1 Bellinin And The Spynx CD2 Bells Of St Marys The (1945) Belly Of The Beast Belly of an Architect The Below Belphegor Ben-Hur CD1 Ben-Hur CD2 Bend It Like Beckham Bend of the River 1952 Beneath the Planet of the Apes Benny and Joon Bernie Best years of our lives 1946 Bet on My Disco Better Off Dead 1985 Better Than Chocolate Better Tomorrow 2 A CD1 Better Tomorrow 2 A CD2 Better Tomorrow 3 A Better Way To Die A Betty Between Heaven and Hell Beverly Hillbillies The 1993 Beverly Hills Ninja Beyond Borders CD1 Beyond Borders CD2 Beyond The Beyond The Clouds Bez konca (No End 1985) CD1 Bez konca (No End 1985) CD2 Biches Les (Claude Chabrol 1968) Bicho de sete cabezas Bichunmoo CD1 Bichunmoo CD2 Big Big Blue The CD1 Big Blue The CD2 Big Bounce The Big Chill The Big Daddy Big Deal on Madonna Street (1958) Big Fat Liar Big Fish 2003 Big Hit The Big Lebowski The Big Mommas House Big Nihgt Big Shot - A Confessions of a Campus Bookie 2002 Big Sleep The Big clock The 1948 Big girls dont cry Biker boyz Billy Elliot Billy Madison 1995 Biloxi blues Bingwoo 2004 CD1 Bingwoo 2004 CD2 Bio Dome Bio Hunter Bio Zombie Bionicle 2 A Legends of Metru-Nui Bionicle Mask Of Light 2003 Birch Tree Meadow The Bird People in China The 1998 CD1 Bird People in China The 1998 CD2 Bird on a wire Bishops Wife The 1947 CD1 Bishops Wife The 1947 CD2 Bite the bullet Bitter Sugar (Azucar amarga) Black Angel Black Sabbath BlackAdder 1x1 - The Foretelling BlackAdder 1x2 - Born to be King BlackAdder 1x3 - The Archbishop BlackAdder 1x4 - The Queen of Spains Beard BlackAdder 1x5 - Witchsmeller Pursuivant BlackAdder 1x6 - The Black Seal BlackAdder 2x1 - Bells BlackAdder 2x2 - Head BlackAdder 2x3 - Potato BlackAdder 2x4 - Money BlackAdder 2x5 - Beer BlackAdder 2x6 - Chains BlackAdder 4x1 - Captain Cook BlackAdder 4x2 - Corporal Punishment BlackAdder 4x3 - Major Star BlackAdder 4x4 - Private Plane BlackAdder 4x5 - General Hospital BlackAdder 4x6 - 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Baseball Bugs (1946) Bugs Bunny - Big Top Bunny (1951) Bugs Bunny - Bugs Bunny Gets the Boid (1942) Bugs Bunny - Bugs Bunny and the Three Bears (1944) Bugs Bunny - Bugs and Thugs (1954) Bugs Bunny - Bully for Bugs (1953) Bugs Bunny - Frigid Hare (1949) Bugs Bunny - Hair-Raising Hare (1946) Bugs Bunny - Haredevil Hare (1948) Bugs Bunny - Long Haired Hare (1949) Bugs Bunny - My Bunny Lies Over the Sea (1948) Bugs Bunny - Rabbits Kin (1952) Bugs Bunny - Tortoise Wins by a Hare (1943) Bugs Bunny - Wabbit Twouble (1941) Bugs Bunny - Water Water Every Hare (1952) Bugs Bunny - Whats Up Doc (1950) Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck - Rabbit Fire (1951) Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck - Rabbit Seasoning (1952) Bugs Bunny and Elmer - Rabbit of Seville (1950) Bugs Bunny and Taz - Devil May Hare (1954) Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Ballot Box Bunny (1951) Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Big House Bunny (1950) Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Bunker Hill Bunny (1950) Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - High Diving Hare (1949) Bugs Life A Bullet Ballet Bullet in the Head Bulletproof Monk 2003 Bullets Over Broadway Bully (Unrated Theatrical Edition) Burning Paradise (Ringo Lam 1994) Burnt Money Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid A Special Edition Butchers Wife The |