Simpsons The 05x05 - Tree House Of Horror
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[ Ghostly Shriek ]
[ Evil Laughter ]
[ Gunfire ]
[ All Moaning ]
Paintings:
Lifeless images
rendered in colorful goop.
But at night, they take on
a life of their own.
They become
portals to hell...
so scary and horrible
and gruesome that--
Bart, you should warn people
this episode is very frightening.
Maybe they'd rather listen to that
War of the Worlds broadcast on N.P.R., hmm?
- Yes, Mother.
- Good.
Now, you hold Maggie. I'm going
to buy some earrings at the gift shop.
[ Sighs ] The subject of our first
painting tonight is the most...
foul, evil, vicious,
diabolical beast to stalk the earth.
Of course, I refer to--
[ Muffled ]
The devil.
And next in our fall catalog--
we love this--
it is a vision
in raspberry cream.
[ Applause ]
Ohh! Pure genius.
[ Gurgling ]
Oh! And now to make
the leap from dreams to reality.
Sorry, Homer. While you were daydreaming,
we ate all the doughnuts.
Well, there were a few left,
but we chucked 'em at an old man for kicks.
Damn buzzards!
I ain't dead yet!
All right. Stay calm.
Remember your training.
''Dear Homer, I.O.U. one emergency doughnut.
Signed, Homer.''
Bastard! He's always
one step ahead.
Oh! I'd sell my soul
for a doughnut!
- [ Rumbling ]
- Well, that can be arranged.
Flanders!
You're the devil?
It's always the one
you least suspect.
Now, many people offer
to sell their souls...
without reflecting upon the grave ramifica--
- Do you have a doughnut or not?
- Coming up.
Just sign here.
Careful, hot pen.
Hmm. Who's that goat-legged fellow?
I like the cut of his jib.
Uh, Prince of Darkness, sir.
He's your 1 1 :00.
[ Gasps ]
Ah!
Now, remember, the instant you finish it,
I own your soul for--
Hey, wait, if I don't
finish this last bite...
you don't get
my soul, do you?
- Uh, technically no, but---
- I'm smarter than the devil!
I'm smarter than the dev--
You are not
smarter than me!
I'll see you in hell yet,
Homer Simpson!
Not likely.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Muttering ]
Hm. Hm. Hm.
Mmm!
Mmm! Forbidden doughnut.
- Hmm?
- Well, well. Finishing something?
[ Screams ]
[ Whimpering ]
[ Gasps ]
- Homer, did you eat that doughnut?
- No.
Your wide behind
won't save you this time. Hey, Bart.
- Hey.
- Wait!
Doesn't my father have
the right to a fair trial?
Oh, you Americans with your ''due process''
and ''fair trials.''
This is always so much easier in Mexico.
All right. Very well.
We'll have the trial tomorrow
at the stroke of midnight.
Till then, you're going to spend
the day in hell!
[ Screaming ]
[ Sighs ]
That wasn't so bad.
Huh? Ow! Ow! Ow!
So, you like doughnuts, eh?
- Uh-huh.
- Well...
have all the doughnuts
in the world!
[ Cackling ]
More. Mmm!
I don't understand it.
James Coco went mad in 1 5 minutes.
[ Chiming ]
- Homer, are you all right?
- No.
Mr. Simpson, don't you worry.
I watched Matlock in a bar last night.
The sound wasn't on,
but I think I got the gist of it.
Hear ye! Hear ye!
The Court of Infernal Affairs
is now in session.
Very well. But first,
some ground rules.
Number one: We get bathroom breaks
every half hour.
Agreed. Number two:
The jury will be chosen by me.
Agreed.
No, wait!
Silence! I give you
the jury of the damned!
Benedict Arnold.
Lizzie Borden. Richard Nixon.
But I'm not dead yet. In fact,
I just wrote an article for Redbook.
- Hey, listen, I did a favor for you.
- Yes, master.
John Wilkes Booth.
Blackbeard the Pirate.John Dillinger.
And the starting line of
the 1 97 6 Philadelphia Flyers.
- [ Gasps ]
- [ Chattering ]
I'm sorry, Mr. Blackbeard.
We're low on chairs, and this is the last one.
Arr! This chair
be high, says I.
[ Clears Throat ] I hold here a contract
between myself and one Homer Simpson...
pledging me his soul
for a doughnut!
Which I delivered!
And it was scrum-didilly-umptious.
I simply ask
for what is mine.
- [ Murmuring ]
- That was a right pretty speech, sir.
But I ask you,
what is a contract?
Webster's defines it as ''an agreement
under the law which is unbreakable.''
''Which is unbreakable''!
Excuse me.
I must use the restroom.
[ Door Slams ]
Uh, Mr. Hutz?
Homer Simpson,
I have no choice...
but to sentence you
to an eternity of--
Wait! Before you send him to hell,
there's something you should see.
That's a photo of
Homer and me at our wedding.
Wait a minute. You got married
in an emergency room?
Well, Homer ate the entire
wedding cake by himself...
before the wedding.
Read the back!
The back!
Arr. 'Tis some kind
of treasure map.
- You idiot, you can't read.
- Aye, 'tis true.
My debauchery was
my way of compensatin'.
''Dear Marge,
You have given me your hand in marriage.
''All I can give you
in return is my soul...
which I pledge to you forever.''
[ Murmuring ]
We've heard enough.
Your Honor...
we find that Homer Simpson's soul
is legally the property...
of Marge Simpson
and not of the devil.
[ Groans ]
- Yea!
- Whoo-hoo-- Ow!
All right, Simpson.
You get your soul back.
But let that ill-gotten doughnut
be forever on your head.
[ Homer Screams ]
[ Homer Chewing ]
- Homer, stop picking at it.
- Oh!
But I'm so sweet and tasty.
[ Sighs ]
Well, time to go to work.
Dad, I wouldn't
go outside if I were you.
Don't worry, boys. He's gotta
come out of there sometime.
The next exhibit
in our ghoulish gallery is entitled--
the ''School Bus''?
Oh! Oh! They must
mean the ''Ghoul Bus.''
Nope. It says right there,
''School Bus.''
Well, there's nothing scarier
than having to go to school.
[ Sighs ]
Hey, Bart, look!
Krusty trading cards!
The long-awaited
Eighth Series!
[ Bart ]
''Krusty visits relatives in Annapolis, Maryland. ''
''Krusty poses for trading card photo. ''
Hmm. He seems to be running
a little low on ideas.
- Well, at least you got the gum.
- Oww! I cut my cheek!
Whoa! Whoa!
- [ Screaming ]
- [ Horn Blaring ]
Oh--
I hope this is sweat.
Bart, what's wrong?
I just had a vision of
my own horrible, fiery death.
- And?
- Lisa, your brother's obviously had a nightmare.
- Don't worry, honey. The scary part's over.
- [ Horn Blaring ]
Marge, look at all this great stuff
I found at the marina!
- It was just sitting in some guy's boat.
- [ Horn Blaring ]
Hello, Simpson. I'm riding the bus
because Mother hid my car keys...
to punish me for talking
to a woman on the phone.
- She was right to do it.
- Excuse me. Bart's a little upset this morning...
so could everyone please
be extra-nice to him?
[ All Laughing ]
Hey, where's
your diaper, baby?
Thank goodness he's drawn
attention away from my shirt.
[ Groaning ]
[ Snarling ]
[ Gasps ] Milhouse!
Milhouse, wake up.
- Quick, look out the window.
- No way, Bart.
If I lean over, I leave myself open
to wedgies, wet willies...
or even the dreaded
rear admiral.
Otto, you gotta do something!
There's a gremlin on the side of the bus!
Hey, no problemo, Bart-dude.
I'll get rid of it.
No! Oh, no.
I just made my last payment.
Oh.
[ Screams ]
Everybody!
There's a monster
on the side of the bus!
[ Yelling ]
Hey, there's no monster.
- You're deceptive.
- I don't see anything.
Hey, who's
driving the bus?
Ooh!
Una momento, por favor.
Foolish Earthlings.
Frightened of a creature
that does not exist.
[ Laughing Loudly ]
[ Grunting ]
- [ Gasps ]
- [ Groans ]
Now, I've gotten word
that a child is using his imagination...
and I've come
to put a stop to it.
- No! No, it's true! There's a monster on the bus.
- The only monster on this bus...
is a lack of
proper respect for the rules.
Oh!
[ Groaning ]
[ Screaming ]
Ach. Me mule wouldn't
walk in the mud.
So I had to put
1 7 bullets in him.
[ Groaning ]
You believe me, don't you?
You're my friend who believes me.
Sweet, trustworthy
Milhouse.
Actually, Bart,
you're kinda creepin' me out.
Uh, I think
I'm gonna go sit, uh...
w-with that
foreign exchange student.
Oh, guten Tag.! Would you care
for a bite of my Vengelerstrasse bar?
I also have a bag
of marzipan JoyJoys!
The gremlin's takin'
off the wheel!
Stop the bus or we're
all gonna die! Aaah!
Take me bridle and lash
his hands to the seat!
Would you like another
lick of my flavor wax?
Uh, sure.
Well, now that
we're friends, Uter...
how 'bout loosening
these straps, huh?
Ja, das ist gut.
[ Groans ]
[ Screaming ]
[ All Screaming ]
- [ Screaming ]
- [ Gasps ]
- [ Growling ]
- [ Grunting ]
- Hey, boy!
- [ Horn Blaring ]
Pull, Willie! Pull!
I'm doin' all the pullin',
ya blouse-wearin' poodle walker!
Oh, dear Lord!
It's some sort of hideous monster.
Aw, isn't that cute?
He's trying to claw my eyes out.
Whoa!
Gadzooks!
Look at the bus! I was right,
I tell ya! I was right!
Right or wrong, your behavior
was still disruptive, young man.
Perhaps spending the remainder
of your life in a madhouse...
- will teach you some manners.
- Ha-ha!
[ Sighs ]
At least now I can get some rest.
Hidilly-ho, Bart!
We come now to the final
and most terrifying painting of the evening.
To even gaze upon it
is to go mad.
[ Shrieks ]
They're dogs, and they're playing poker!
Aaah!
[ Crazed Laughter]
We had a story to go with this painting,
but it was far too intense.
So we just threw something together
with vampires. Enjoy!
[ Kent Brockman On TV]
Another local peasant has been found dead...
drained of his blood,
with two teeth marks on his throat.
This black cape was found on the scene.
Police are baffled.
We think we're dealing
with a supernatural being...
most likely a mummy.
As a precaution, I've ordered the Egyptian wing
of the Springfield Museum destroyed.
Nice work, Ed.
No, no, they're wrong!
The creature they seek is the walking undead.
Nosferatu.
Das Vampyr.
A vampire!
[ Chuckles ] Lisa,
vampires are make-believe.
Just like elves,
gremlins and Eskimos.
In a completely unrelated story,
Montgomery Burns has just closed a deal...
to buy the Springfield Blood Bank.
Oh, I'm very excited
about this deal.
What? Oh.
Precious blood.
Hmm.
Business deal.
It sure was nice of
Mr. Burns to invite us...
for a midnight dinner
at his country house in...
Pennsylvania.
Ah, there's something fishy
about this whole setup.
Lisa, stop being
so suspicious.
Did everyone wash their necks
like Mr. Burns asked?
- Yes.
- Sure did.
- [ Doorbell Chimes ]
- [ Mr. Burns Over Speaker] Welcome. Come in.
Ah, fresh victims for my ever-growing
army of the undead.
- [ Smithers ] Sir, you have to let go of the button.
- Oh, son of a bit--
Well, if it isn't
my good friends, the, uh--
- Simpson family, master.
- Simpson, eh? Excellent.
Dad, do you notice
anything strange?
Yeah, his hairdo
looks so queer.
- I heard that!
- It was the boy!
[ Gasps ]
Ooh! Punch!
Eww. Dad,
this is blood.
Correction--
free blood.
Whoops. Bart and I
have to go wash up.
But you didn't get any
on me-- Ugh-- Wh--
Lisa, Burns isn't a vampire.
And even if he was, we're not
gonna stumble on his secret hiding place.
You're probably right.
Let's just go back. [ Gasps ]
- Satisfied?
- Big deal.
It's no different from the basement
in Grampa's rest home.
Look!
[ Gasps ]
Oh, my God!
- [ Muttering ]
- Please, Bart. I've seen your stupid Shemp.
Nyung, nyung,
nyung, nyung!
Yeah, I've seen
your Curly too.
- [ Growls ]
- [ Screams ]
I know I really shouldn't,
but when am I gonna be here again?
Whee!
- [ Growling ]
- [ Screaming ]
Well, if it isn't little--
uh, boy.
Mom, Dad! Mr. Burns is a vampire,
and he has Bart!
[ Mr. Burns ]
Why, Bart is right here.
Hello, Mother.
Hello, Father.
I missed you during
my uneventful absence.
Oh, Lisa,
you and your stories.
''Bart is a vampire.''
''Beer kills brain cells.''
Now, let's go
back to that...
building thingy...
where our beds
and TV... is.
[ Screaming ]
Come join us, Lisa.
It's so cool.
You get to stay up
all night drinking blood.
And if you say
you're a vampire...
you get a free small soda
at the movies.
No! No!
Lisa, it's not like
you have a choice here.
Bart! How many times have I told you
not to bite your sist--
[ Gasps ] Wait a minute!
You are a vampire!
Quick! We have to kill the boy!
How'd you know
he's a vampire?
He's a vampire?
Aaah!
[ Cackling ]
Homer, we gotta do something.
Today, he's drinking people's blood.
Tomorrow, he could be smoking.
The only way to get Bart back
is to kill the head vampire...
Mr. Burns.
Kill my boss? Do I dare
live out the American dream?
This is dangerous.
I wish we could have
found a sitter for Maggie.
[ Gasps ]
Super fun happy slide!
- No, Dad.
- Oh! I guess killing will be fun enough.
You must drive this stake
right through his heart.
Take that, vile fiend!
Uh, Dad,
that's his crotch.
[ Laughs ]
Oh, sorry.
[ Screaming ] No!
[ Groaning ]
- You're fired!
- D'oh!
It's so nice having
everything back to normal.
I'm a vampire, and I've come
to suck your blood.
Blah! Oh--
This cape is giving me a rash.
- Grampa's a vampire?
- We're all vampires.
But, no,
we killed Mr. Burns.
You have to kill
the head vampire.
You're the head vampire?
No, I'm the head vampire.!
[ Laughs ]
- Mom?
- I do have a life outside this house, you know.
- Mom?
- I do have a life outside this house, you know.
- [ Screams ]
- [ Hissing ]
Happy Halloween, everybody!
" [ Vocalizing: ''Hark!
The Herald Angels Sing'' ]
[ Woman Screaming ]
"[ Macabre Organ ]
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Christmas Poo South Park 01x11 - Toms Rhinoplasty South Park 01x12 - Mecha Striesand South Park 01x13 - Cartmans Mom is a Dirty Slut Soylent Green 1973 Spacehunter 1983 Spanish Prisoner The CD1 Spanish Prisoner The CD2 Spark the Lighter Spartacus 2004 CD1 Spartacus 2004 CD2 Spartacus Fixed 1960 Spartan 2004 CD1 Spartan 2004 CD2 Spawn (1997) Spawn (Directors Cut) Species 3 CD1 Species 3 CD2 Speed 2 - Cruise Control Spellbound (Hitchcock 1945) Spetters 1980 Spider-Man CD1 Spider-Man CD2 Spider (2002) Spider Man 2 CD1 Spider Man 2 CD2 Spies Like Us 1985 Spirit of the Beehive Spirited Away CD1 Spirited Away CD2 Spirits of the Dead 1968 CD1 Spirits of the Dead 1968 CD2 Splash Spoilers The Spongebob Squarepants The Movie Springtime In A Small Town Spun (Unrated Version) Spy Game Spy Hard Spy Who Came In from the Cold The Spy Who Loved Me The Spy Who Shagged Me The - New Line Platinum Series Spygirl CD1 Spygirl CD2 Square Peg Squirm St Johns Wort - (Otogiriso) 25fps 2001 Stage Beauty 2004 Stage Fright 1950 Stagecoach Stalag 17 Stalker 1979 CD1 Stalker 1979 CD2 Star Trek Generations CD1 Star Trek Generations CD2 Star Wars - Episode II Attack of the Clones Star Wars - Episode IV A New Hope Star Wars - Episode I The Phantom Menace Star Wars Episode 4 (A New Hope) CD1 Star Wars Episode 4 (A New Hope) CD2 Star Wars Episode 5 (Empire Strikes Back) CD1 Star Wars Episode 5 (Empire Strikes Back) CD2 Star Wars Episode 6 (Return of the Jedi) CD1 Star Wars Episode 6 (Return of the Jedi) CD2 Stargate SG1 1x01 Children of the Gods Stargate SG1 1x02 The enemy Within Stargate SG1 1x03 Emancipation Stargate SG1 1x04 The Broca Divide Stargate SG1 1x05 The First Commandment Stargate SG1 1x06 Cold Lazarus Stargate SG1 1x07 The Nox Stargate SG1 1x08 Brief Candle Stargate SG1 1x09 Thors Hammer Stargate SG1 1x10 The Torment of Tantalus Stargate SG1 1x11 Bloodlines Stargate SG1 1x12 Fire and Water Stargate SG1 1x13 Hathor Stargate SG1 1x14 Singularity Stargate SG1 1x15 The Cor AI Stargate SG1 1x16 Enigma Stargate SG1 1x17 Solitudes Stargate SG1 1x18 Tin Man Stargate SG1 1x19 There but for the Grace of God Stargate SG1 1x20 Politics Stargate SG1 1x21 Within the Serpents Grasp Stargate SG1 2x01 The serpents lair Stargate SG1 2x02 In the line of duty Stargate SG1 2x03 Prisoners Stargate SG1 2x04 The gamekeeper Stargate SG1 2x05 Need Stargate SG1 2x06 Thors chariot Stargate SG1 2x07 Message in a bottle Stargate SG1 2x08 Family Stargate SG1 2x09 Secrets Stargate SG1 2x10 Bane Stargate SG1 2x11 The tokra part 1 Stargate SG1 2x12 The tokra part 2 Stargate SG1 2x13 Spirits Stargate SG1 2x14 Touchstone Stargate SG1 2x15 The fifth race Stargate SG1 2x16 A matter of time Stargate SG1 2x17 Holiday Stargate SG1 2x18 Serpents song Stargate SG1 2x19 One false step Stargate SG1 2x20 Show and tell Stargate SG1 2x21 1969 Stargate SG1 3x01 Into The Fire II Stargate SG1 3x02 Seth Stargate SG1 3x03 Fair Game Stargate SG1 3x04 Legacy Stargate SG1 3x05 Learning Curve Stargate SG1 3x06 Point Of View Stargate SG1 3x07 Deadman Switch Stargate SG1 3x08 Demons Stargate SG1 3x09 Rules Of Engagement Stargate SG1 3x10 Forever In A Day Stargate SG1 3x11 Past And Present Stargate SG1 3x12 Jolinars Memories Stargate SG1 3x13 The Devil You Know Stargate SG1 3x14 Foothold Stargate SG1 3x15 Pretense Stargate SG1 3x16 Urgo Stargate SG1 3x17 A Hundred Days Stargate SG1 3x18 Shades Of Grey Stargate SG1 3x19 New Ground Stargate SG1 3x20 Maternal Instinct Stargate SG1 3x21 Crystal Skull Stargate SG1 3x22 Nemesis Stargate SG1 4x01 Small Victories Stargate SG1 4x02 The Other Side Stargate SG1 4x03 Upgrades Stargate SG1 4x04 Crossroads Stargate SG1 4x05 Divide And Conquer Stargate SG1 4x06 Window Of Opportunity Stargate SG1 4x07 Watergate Stargate SG1 4x08 The First Ones Stargate SG1 4x09 Scorched Earth Stargate SG1 4x10 Beneath The Surface Stargate SG1 4x11 Point Of No Return Stargate SG1 4x12 Tangent Stargate SG1 4x13 The Curse Stargate SG1 4x14 The Serpents Venom Stargate SG1 4x15 Chain Reaction Stargate SG1 4x16 2010 Stargate SG1 4x17 Absolute Power Stargate SG1 4x18 The Light Stargate SG1 4x19 Prodigy Stargate SG1 4x20 Entity Stargate SG1 4x21 Double Jeopardy Stargate SG1 4x22 Exodus Stargate SG1 5x01 Enemies Stargate SG1 5x02 Threshold Stargate SG1 5x03 Ascension Stargate SG1 5x04 Fifth Man Stargate SG1 5x05 Red Sky Stargate SG1 5x06 Rite Of Passage Stargate SG1 5x07 Beast Of Burden Stargate SG1 5x08 The Tomb Stargate SG1 5x09 Between Two Fires Stargate SG1 5x10 2001 Stargate SG1 5x11 Desperate Measures Stargate SG1 5x12 Wormhole X-Treme Stargate SG1 5x13 Proving Ground Stargate SG1 5x14 48 Hours Stargate SG1 5x15 Summit Stargate SG1 5x16 Last Stand Stargate SG1 5x17 Failsafe Stargate SG1 5x18 The Warrior Stargate SG1 5x19 Menace Stargate SG1 5x20 The Sentinel Stargate SG1 5x21 Meridian Stargate SG1 5x22 Revelations Stargate SG1 6x01 Redemption Part 1 Stargate SG1 6x02 Redemption Part 2 Stargate SG1 6x03 Descent Stargate SG1 6x04 Frozen Stargate SG1 6x05 Nightwalkers Stargate SG1 6x06 Abyss Stargate SG1 6x07 Shadow Play Stargate SG1 6x08 The Other Guys Stargate SG1 6x09 Allegiance Stargate SG1 6x10 Cure Stargate SG1 6x11 Prometheus Stargate SG1 6x12 Unnatural Selection Stargate SG1 6x13 Sight Unseen Stargate SG1 6x14 Smoke n Mirrors Stargate SG1 6x15 Paradise Lost Stargate SG1 6x16 Metamorphosis Stargate SG1 6x17 Disclosure Stargate SG1 6x18 Forsaken Stargate SG1 6x19 The Changeling Stargate SG1 6x20 Memento Stargate SG1 6x21 Prophecy Stargate SG1 6x22 Full Circle Stargate SG1 7x01 Fallen Stargate SG1 7x02 Homecoming Stargate SG1 7x03 Fragile Balance Stargate SG1 7x04 Orpheus Stargate SG1 7x05 Revisions Stargate SG1 7x06 Lifeboat Stargate SG1 7x07 Enemy Mine Stargate SG1 7x08 Space Race Stargate SG1 7x09 Avenger 2 0 Stargate SG1 7x10 Birthright Stargate SG1 7x10 Heroes II Stargate SG1 7x11 Evolution I Stargate SG1 7x12 Evolution II Stargate SG1 7x13 Grace Stargate SG1 7x14 Fallout Stargate SG1 7x15 Chimera Stargate SG1 7x16 Death Knell Stargate SG1 7x17 Heroes I Stargate SG1 7x19 Resurrection Stargate SG1 7x20 Inauguration Stargate SG1 7x21-22 The Lost City I n II Starship Troopers (Special Edition) Starship Troopers 2 Story Of A Kiss Strada La Strange aventure de Docteur Molyneux Street Of Love And Hope (Nagisa Oshima 1959) Street of shame (Akasen chitai) Streetcar Named Desire A Style Wars Suicide Regimen Sukces 2003 Summer Tale A 2000 Sunday Lunch (2003) Super 8 Stories Superman IV - The Quest for Peace Surviving the Game Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD1 Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD2 Sweetest Thing The (Unrated Version) Swept Away Swordsman III - The East is Red Sylvester - Canned Feud (1951) Sylvester - Speedy Gonzales (1955) Sylvester and Elmer - Kit for Cat (1948) Sylvester and Porky - Scaredy Cat (1948) Sylvester and Tweety - Canary Row (1950) Sylvester and Tweety - Putty Tat Trouble (1951) Sylvester and Tweety - Tweetys SOS (1951)
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