Mission CleopatraClick here to download subtitles file for the movie "Mission Cleopatra"Click here to download the movie "Mission Cleopatra"
An old Egyptian poem goes as follows: "Nile, Nile, Nile, Impetuous and turbulent river. You're like our queen, The source of life." Asterix and Obelix "MISSION CLEOPATRA" Our story begins in a distant past, in Alexandria, Or at Alexandria, both are possible, In Egypt, at the palace of the Queen of Queens: The legendary and elegant Cleopatra. Enough! I'm saying Egypt's culture isn't all that great. There were good times of course. I'm just saying the current people are decadent And that Egypt is merely a Roman province A "Province"? - Yes. Until further notice, oh Caesar, It's not the Romans who built the Great Pyramids. Those pointy things? - And the Sphinx? And the Tower of Pharos? What do you think of that? That's old news. - Yesterday... Or today, my people are superior! - In fact, your people are Greek. And I know better, true Egyptians. Enough! I can prove to you, oh Caesar, That my people are still brilliant. Yes? How? Painting portraits? No, by building a palace. I already have a palace in Rome. You'll get one in Alexandria too. So when you visit the "Province", You'll have somewhere to sleep. But it will be bigger And more luxurious than all other palaces. Bigger than "Caesar's Palace"? I'd like to see that. You will see. Rome wasn't built in one day. When will it be finished? Three centuries from now? Three months. Three months? - Three months? Three... - ...months? Within three months, you'll have your palace. It'll never be finished in time. But fine, I accept the challenge. If you make it, I'll publicly admit That your people are still brilliant. But I have my doubts. See you in three months. He really gets the most of me. Oh no! Why is the floor already finished? First the water pipes. Now we have to break up the floor. Malococsis, I'm not an architect. I'm a tiler. What's that door doing there? - No idea. Ask Edifis, the architect. - Architects... Along with cart wrights they're the most incompetent. Malococsis! Edifis. - I'm happy to see you. How are you? - Terrible! W...w... What's the problem? The door in the ceiling. - That? I anticipate. Should you want a second floor, no problem. And the tiles. Beautiful, huh? Feudartifis, come see. Are they beautiful or what? - Beautiful. Malococsis, trust me. I'm not a cart wright. - You're worse. You're running two months behind. Watch it, I have connections. People in high places who could cause you a great deal of problems. Preferably from Alexandria. Architect Edifis? No, that's... What's it about? I had to laugh because of the Alexandria joke Because people in high places make me think about monkeys in a tree. You don't have to get angry. My little one, wake up. Breakfast. Kinepolis What's this? Lovendpis Serge Artifis Clean the water. It stinks! I don't smell anything I was just doing what I always do That's your problem You always do like you always do Yes, I always do The floor is weird. I don't feel it. Where is it? Good day. Edifis, is Egypt the most powerful empire in the world? Yes. No one in the world has more power. Of course I don't know everyone. The Romans and Caesar have their doubts. I'm going to show him what we can do. - Ok. I'm building him the most magnificent palace. - Ok. And you, Edifis, will be the architect. Ok. I'll be the architect? Meaning...? I'll have to... All my other architects are busy No, I'm not busy He's not busy Edifis, you're the only one available. I have no time. I have to finish my work for Malococsis. Only the tiles, but anyway... My Queen, as your architect I offer you my services. When the crocodiles have fresh water, I could... No, you're good, but too conservative. Conservative? What does that mean? I want something new, something refreshing. But... Help Edifis. Find some land. Land? As you wish. Go, Edifis. You've got three months. Three months? What's the margin? Because in three months, that's merely enough for the plans And with the foundations, that's three times four, nine... Three months, that's... I don't think that's enough. Edifis! You've got three months. Exactly! If you succeed, I'll cover you with gold. If you fail, I'll feed you to the crocodiles. Where's the sweet little lamb? They ate the little lamb? I should build that palace. Then I - neither Cleopatra, the rain, the hail, nor the locusts - would be Egypt's worst nightmare. ...17, 18, 19, 20, 21... ...474, 475, 476, 477... - Boss! Boss! I rushed myself. I was thinking about some sort of machine That would enable us to reach the top of the pyramid. Otis, can't this wait? What are you counting, boss? - I'm measuring. Cleopatra wants a palace for Caesar Here. On this stroke of land. From there... to there. That would be a big palace It has to be modern and daring That's great. You can stop now. Leave it to the experts. No time. We've got 3 months! Fine. And how much extra time? None. We've got 3 months, not a day more. Impossible! - That's obvious. However, urgent jobs can be interesting. It's not urgent. It's suicide! If I fail, I'll be fed to the crocodiles. And I saw them. The crocodiles were fast! Not good. I can't finish my machine. Did you hear me? Did you hear me? Yes, no, but... - Sorry, but I can't be eaten! Three months starting when? The clock is ticking. - They've been working on the gardens for years And there's nothing. Completely nothing. We need magic. We need to be magicians. Gods. Exactly! We need magical powers. Yes, it's not good news, but that's it. When I was little My dad told me about this druid. Geta-Getabemix. Getasonixme. Something ending in -ix? Helmutlottix? It starts with Geta- And ends in -ininekix. How about Pommederainettepommedapix? A druid. A Gallic druid with a magic potion. It gives people enormous strength. Using that potion, I'll finish in no time and stay alive. Imhotep, I didn't expect it, but suddenly I'm freed. Boss Magic potions don't exist Only on children's papyrus drawings Get us some workers. Let them start the foundations. There will be a lane with big statues. Called "Big Statue Lane". And there gardens with olive and orange trees, willows, .... Yes, and there the palace. Luxurious and magnificent. With a huge court yard and lots of dancers. And there a small geranium. Yes, that will be beautiful. That will be really beautiful. You have to picture it! - Yes. I'm leaving. See you in a month. - A month? Max! The time to find Getabemix and come back. Go, Cannabis. Go, Cannabis! Let's go! You're not moving, Cannabis. Move it! Go, Cannabis! Where does that Mix live? Up north. He lives up north! Go, go Cannabis. The year is 50 B.C. Gaul is entirely occupied by the Romans. Well, not entirely... One small village of invincible Gauls still holds out against the invaders. And life is not easy for the Roman legionaries who garrison the fortified camps of Totorum, Aquarium, Laudanum and Compendium... En garde, Gaul! Defend yourself! One moment please. What was that? - Are you new here? Yes, we've just been transferred. I understand. This potion is a magic potion. Made by our druid. And it makes us stronger. Look. Getamanix! Getamenixme! What kind of country is this? Incredible, it's minus 8000 degrees here. I don't have to drink it. I fell in when I was a little boy. It gives me extraordinary power. Look. Nice, huh? Good day. Where's the Gallic village? If you follow them, you'll get there. I'm not going with you, okay? I'm staying here. I'm going to think a little. Those Romans are good. They fly better than the others. It's because of their new helmets. They're more aerodynamic. Listen! Landing could be better. Excuse me? Are you Asterixme? Rix... Asterix. And this is Obelix. And the dog is Dogmatix. Do you know Getabamenix? A druid. Getafix, excuse me for disturbing, but you have a visitor. Sir? - It's me! He obviously doesn't know you. I, I, I'm Edifis. I'm Tumeris' son, your old friend. What a pleasant surprise! You must be frozen! I'm very happy to see you... He's from Alexandria. Come warm yourself. That's the magic potion? - No, chestnut soup. No. I can't sell you any potion. Not all of it. One cauldron. No. He won't budge, it's the principle. A small cauldron. No. A flask. - No. A small flask. - Nah. A cup. A small cup. A small cup, that's all. It's a secret among druids and not for sale. A little cup is not much. I'm sorry, Edifis. Okay then You were my only hope The small chance of survival But I understand You have other things to worry about Caesar, the Romans. Who I'm not fond of. Maybe I'm going to die. But it was nice knowing you. Gentlemen Midifix What's wrong? Edifis, wait! I've been planning to consult some manuscripts In Alexandria's library. I can't promise anything But I'll join you. Thanks! Thanks a lot, Getamanix! My ship is waiting. There's enough room for everyone! There's no time to lose! - Let's go, Dogmatix. You're not going to take him, are you? - Why not? He's too small for such a big trip. And Egypt is the land of cats. Pack your bags and don't talk about it any longer. "Don't talk about it..." Accompanied by the arctic wind, on board of the Napadelis, A long journey to Egypt begins. The land of Ra, the Sun God. Cleopatra's kingdom would soon welcome Asterix, Obelix, and Getafix And... Dogmatix? What? I bark. I'm not allowed to talk any more, so I bark. Fine, take him out before he suffocates. The bag is empty. - "Is empty..." Oh! Such a smart dog! My baby! How nice! He wanted to be with me. He got in there himself. - We were just saying... Three months is a little short. Artifis is a real hyena. Do you know hyenas? Just the same. He wants me dead and he has many talents. Like what? - No. He's rich. He's got many golden talents. The Egyptian coin. In Gaul not the ones with most talents are the richest. Do we have to fear anything else? - No, nothing. Red Beard! Red Beard! Men, last time we weren't very lucky meeting those Gauls With their magic potion, and that big dog. Completely outnumbered, we had no other option than to... Run away. No, not really. We had to abandon ship as soon as possible. Swimming in that ice-cold water. - No, it was nice. It was ice cold. - Fine. To prevent further trouble, we'll avoid the Gauls. But for any others, no pity! Ship at starboard! Ready to board, daddy. Raise the oars. Calm down, my girl. Besides, you're not making any sense. That's what I thought. How many ships, Boy? Just one, Captain, a small one. Egyptian, Captain. Egyptian. - Egyptian. Sounds good. This will get us back on track. - "Ipso facto et manu militari". Triple pod. Man your posts! Bosco, Gambler, Mullet, hoist the sails! Rackham, Worley, Husk, blow the horns! Get ready to board! I'm the King of the World! Pirates! Help, pirates! Look, pirates! Quick, we have to get out of here! The pirates. It's us! The G... The Ga... The Gau... The Gauls! This can't be happening! Is there an axe here? Watch out. Pardon me. Calm down there. - What are they doing? Cheater! - It's not fair. Good. Sink it yourselves! They know who we are. They're old friends. We've met them many times at sea before. You see, "Abyssus abyssum invocat." Enough of those Latin proverbs. What's that at the horizon? The lights of Alexandria. Let the butterflies of my youth strand. I don't know why I just said that. I'm hungry. - We'll be there in the morning. That's the Tower of Pharos, a beacon for ships. A beacon for ships... Egyptians are mad. It's one of the Seven Wonders of the World. The biggest construction ever made by man. I'm hungrier than a barracuda. Bar-ra-cu-da... You wanted to see me, Edifis? My Queen, the palace is getting along nicely but there is not enough time. That's why I asked some Gallic friends, a druid and 2 warriors To help me with my task. I'm here to ask your approval For their help If it's ok with you I wasn't sure You can ask anyone for help. Finish the palace in time. That's all I ask. Caesar mocks me every day. I can't afford to lose this bet. He's completely full of himself! Completely. Completely. Listen... Make sure you finish in time and everyone shall receive gold. I would like that. Else, the crocodiles. - I wouldn't like that. Now go. He's cute with that mustache. A little old. No, the other one. - No, too fat. Are you doing this on purpose? She's probably got an evil personality, but a lovely nose. She'll feed me to the crocodiles. - Very lovely. Lovely nose, and with a little braid on the side. I'm going to be crocodile food, and he's dreaming about her nose! Do crocodiles taste nice? Could you show a little more interest in me? A big ant. What a crowd! Looks like the bi-annual cattle market of Lutetia. All new breeds of cows are presented there. A great show! What kind of cows do you have? Yes, continue. There's nothing going on. Yes, still a lot of work to be done. And only two months left. About that magic potion, when I visited you in Gaul, you told me you would take care of things. Now I would like to know... I said I would see if I could help. - How do you mean? Where did all that sand come from? - That was already here. All those stones were delivered by the Nile Express. Hitting those slaves is very violent. They're not slaves. They're construction workers. They do this voluntarily and they get paid. And those whiplashes are for fun? - No... Yes... I don't know. We haven't had any complaints so far. "Istou"? - Maybe it means, "Continue." The signal that the soup has arrived. No. They're relieved. Tradition calls for them to exchange hair. Now they're bonded by hair. It's a different culture. Do you remember that menhir I threw at Caius Bonus? I bet it weighed just as much as that bunch of stones. You should ask him. He's best positioned to answer. It's a different culture. Another bill. I hate paperwork. Otis, my writer. Writer, that's a comfortable position. I don't think there are any good or bad positions. If I have to summarize my life, I'd start with my encounters. The people who stood up for me when I was all alone It's strange that coincidence determines your fate Because once you've had a taste of the good life It's sometimes hard to find someone to speak to The mirror that helps you forward But not in my case. Because I've succeeded, I thank life I sing. I dance. I love. And when people ask me why I'm so humane I tell them it's the taste of life Which today leads me to this kind of mechanical construction But tomorrow might lead me to be of service to the whole community And... I'll give myself. What's for dinner this afternoon? - Lentils. I'll be back This is the place where soon Caesar's Palace will be To be finished in 58 days What are you looking for? I've lost my lentil Workers Workers Friends Have we gone back to the days of the Pharaohs? Slaving away and getting whipped? And for whom? For... Caesar. Let him build his palace in Rome Everyone at his place and the hippos will be fine That's true! [Nonsense] Friends, you are being exploited You're being exhausted. And... ...to be honest... There. He's right! And there, two huge statues. But not too huge. 15 meters high is enough. And at the edge of the Sphinxes, a big kitchen. Next to the bedrooms? That's maybe not ideal. Because of the noise and odour? - Could become annoying. Didn't think about that. Why are those grapes so big? They're dates, Obelix. They grow on those trees. Crunchy on the inside. - That's the seed. Not bad. Lunch break is over. Get to work! I hardly said anything. Only that lunch break was over. We're not satisfied! We're not satisfied! Please? - Yes... We're not satisfied! We're not satisfied! We refuse to work any longer under these conditions. It's unbearable. - We're not satisfied! Calm down, calm down. We're not satisfied! Who's in charge? Okay fine. I'll speak for all of us. I'm Itineris. - I'm listening. You have two new messages. First of all: we're working more than 18 hours a day or 36 hours in 2 days. We want it lowered to 35 hours. That'll never work. It'll cause problems. Secondly, and sorry for interrupting you, We want a decrease of at least 50% An increase you mean? - No. A decrease of the number of whiplashes. We get too many whiplashes. Some people get headaches from all the noise. Their head is ready to burst. - Yes... And concerning the food... Some wild boar alongside the lentils would be nice. The less whiplashes, the slower you work. Then the palace doesn't get finished in time, and I'll be fed to the crocodiles. Enough, Edifis. Itineris is right To not allow that I'm sure they would be happy with some wild boar It's ready No, you fell in when you were little Come on, Dogmatix Give them a demonstration, Asterix Be careful, it might be a bit too strong It's a little too strong. - No, it's very good. Dogmatix, do a trick Do a trick Sit It's a miracle! Is there enough for everyone? I'll make some more No, Obelix, you... - ... fell in when I was little Yes, alright No! Obelix, no. Hohis. That's his name. Nobis? No, Hohis. With an H. Nexusis Can I help you? One Imhotep - Two I have a job for you No problem. Who do you want me to kill? No, we're not killing anyone Here you go, two Imhoteps The construction of the palace has to stop They're waiting for stones from the south Make sure they don't arrive No stones, no construction. No construction, no palace. No palace... ... No palace. Here's some gold to cover your expenses You give back whatever's left Nice tunic I came, I saw, I conquered. Veni, vidi, vici. The usual stuff. And sign with: "Cesare" "Cesare" or "Caesar"? Caesar. It sounded cool, but... Engrave 4 plates Ave Caesar. Power and prosperity. Power and prosperity, Caius C+. Good news? I came, I saw, I conquered. As usual. Veni, vidi, ... Okay, vici is a little premature. What do you mean? Gaul for example... What about Gaul? Gaul is vici. It's completely occupied. No it isn't. One small village of invincible Gauls still holds out... ... against the invaders. Yes, I know. I've heard it over and over. And Cleopatra? They stopped construction? No, it's going fine. It's beautiful. They even... on the inside... No. - Excuse me. Don't touch me. - They'll finish in time. Impossible. - The Gauls don't know the meaning of the word. Edifis got 3 of them to help him. One of them is the druid, Teachix. Getafix? Yes, I knew it sounded like that. Also, a little clever one and a big brute: Aikix and Journalduhix. Or Malcomix. Keep an eye on them for now. I'll decide later what to do. Si vis pacem, para bellum. If you want peace, prepare for war. The little Gaul has the name of a hero: Brucewillix. In the mean time, the ruthless Nexusis, Sent by Artifis, was completing his mission To cut off the supply of stones By bribing the foul convoy supervisor There the buildings can form a "C", from Cleopatra It's Caesar's palace That's possible too. - What do you mean? The stones have arrived The supervisor says there are no more stones in the quarries Funny language. - He wants to be paid. He's lying. - No, he really wants to be paid. No, about the quarries. There have to be more stones. I could make him talk. Can I? Okay. But don't overdo it. He needs to be able to talk. How do you say "talk"? In the sense of, "I don't speak Egyptian very well", It's "Medou ene ere comete." If it's, "Talk a little slower," then it's "Medou ere keteb." "Medou ere keteb." - No, "Ketebece." "Ketebece" - "Keteb." "Ketebece" when there's 8 of them. "Ketebece" - No, not "Ketebece." No, sorry. - No one understands you. "Keteb" - open. "Keteb" - generous. Try "Say"... "Ouchebe" "Ouchebe" No? Not "ouchebe"? No, Obelix, not so furious He says Artifis paid him to throw the stones into the Nile There are enough stones in the quarry Ai... Ai... He says... - Yes, ai. I understand that part. He says "ai" because he's in pain. I'm in pain. Not the mustache. Not the mustache. He's finished We'll go with him I'll stay here to keep an eye on things. Otis will accompany you to... Yes, to... Here, amulets. Lucky charms to protect you Thanks Amsterisque - Rix Risque - Yes, Rix... Risque The fate of Egypt is in your hands Isn't that a little exaggerated? My fate is in your hands? - That's better Go, Amsterisque - Rix Risque So our Gallic friends and Otis went on their way To the quarries to get the stones What's wrong with your dromedary? It's my stomach While I pack up the boat, you can visit the Sphinx There will be many restaurants You can stuff yourself with all kinds of things Steamed fish, meat in sauce I knew it, nothing to eat Nice, those little Sphinxes I could make little menhirs Sphinx? - Never mind Sphinx? - No, thanks Stranger, a portrait with the Sphinx as souvenir? A statue in 30 minutes Yes why not? It would look nice at my place Do you accept Sestertius? - Sure. Stand in profile please Shoulders up front Not too far We have to be more alert. Artifis is a snake. Besides the transport, he could attack the construction site We must organize a guard What do you think, Obelix? Now where did he go? Obe? Obe...Obelix? Not too short. - No, no, no... So you're from Gaul? - Yes Been pretty hefty there lately Obe? Obelix... - Ho! Ho! Asterix! Obelix, I'm sure that's forbidden Come down at once! How nice... Come down. You're being childish You look so small down there Don't be stupid. Get off that Sphinx! I'm going to take a walk on its head Wise guy! Broken nose Great, great. Remarkable. Congratulations, Obelix. You've outdone yourself this time We could attach it again Really? That's a great idea With what? Did you see the size of that thing? Yes, it's a rock. A cliff What am I saying? A peninsula Stop making everything so complicated and find a solution You're so clumsy, Obelix Luckily no one saw us He said: "Let the Greek balm you." Imhotep? - Tep Help me, I only have two arms Was that lightning? I told you I saw lightning. I'm not crazy Done No one will find it there Fine, let's get out of here Come on, Dogmatix Not a word about this to Getafix Nothing happened? - No Nothing Hey! My pyramids! Seeing the palace is progressing faster than planned, we demand, which is perfectly normal, An extra day off. Did you understand me? My name's Edifis What did I tell you? [Interference] [Speaking unclearly] Mobilis, I can't understand you Move a little Can you understand me now? - No. How about now? And now? - Try this Can you understand me now? [Unclear] I've been having that problem a lot lately! Are you alright, Obe? - I'm hungry How could they build such a thing? Stone upon stone - Indeed Gauls! Feel like visiting the pyramid? For free. Not sure if we can learn anything They say it's extraordinary. We're not in a hurry! Dogmatix, stay here. Guard the Pyramid If you're good, I'll give you a bone Don't lose track of me. You won't get out of this labyrinth alive Watch it! The corridors are very narrow You can't be too fat - No one is fat On your right: Anubis How touching! - The God of the Dead Through here... Come, distinguished guests. Go in there... Those hieroglyphs... are beautiful. After you. Enter. Indeed No! No! You'll never get out of here! This tomb will be your tomb! No way out. We are stuck! "This tomb will be your tomb!" Nice one. I'm too good. - I knew it. "A free visit." Anyway, there are enough things to read Hieroglyphs all look alike - No Look, Obelix! The colours... are superb! That's all really nice, but... If we don't find a way out soon We'll have all eternity to figure them out That's that If they get out of here I swear I'll never shave my head again First of all, we have to get that door open But considering the size... Hold, Obelix... For the first time, you can have some magic potion Really? - That's what he said, didn't he? One, two, three drops That's enough Well... That didn't seem to do anything No, it's Geta Yes, I'm here Here? We're running in circles The Pharaohs had splendid architects We're in a serious situation here - Very serious... I'm starting to get hungry What did those hieroglyphs mean? There's no time to find out. We have to get out of here We must set our priorities straight I'm reporting to mister Asterix that I'm hungry I keep myself busy to forget I'm hungry Sorry, I forgot mister Obelix's stomach was more important Wild boars and fights, that's all he needs Mister Asterix knows everything better Yes, maybe. - I'm reporting to mister Asterix, who wanted to visit the Pyramids, that this wouldn't have happened in a menhir 2 Sestertius for that logic! What's keeping them? The stones are loaded. We have to leave... I was excited. I was just saying something... My fault. No, it's my fault. It also could have happened in a menhir. In any case, I can't get us out of this place My friends, I fear... This is the end of our adventures Could someone light a torch? No, I have the amulets, but that's not going to help. I'm sorry for Edifis I'm sorry for Dogmatix Or not, Dogmatix? - Dogmatix? Yes, so? Don't blame me for bringing him! His sense of smell led him to us So he can get us out of here That's true! Dogmatix, listen very carefully... If you get us out of here, I'll give you a pile full of bones Yes! Very good, Dogmatix! Sorry, we're FORTUNATE you brought him! Sometimes I think he understands EVERYTHING I say! And they returned to the construction site Aboard ships loaded with stones We're going slow... Very slow. - Too slow... At this speed we won't be back in time for the wild boar banquet Lentils aren't that great The Nile is an unpredictable river Sometimes impetuous, sometimes quiet I wonder if you know this nice Egyptian poem It goes like this: "Nile, Nile, Nile..." What is he doing? Men... We're seaworthy again Hip hip hip... - Hurrah! Hip hip hip... - Hurrah! Watch out! By Toutatis! I know he fell... in a cauldron of magic potion But he'll never cease to amaze me! Hip hip hip... Hurrah! - Stop it! And construction was ready to start again Edifis knew he would be finished in time Which, in the field of construction, was rare in those days One sip a person... Just one sip a person Fake potion is being passed out Same consistency, same colour. But it's pumpkin soup The only real potion, is the one you get from the druid Around the cauldron... Thirty minutes from here I closed the door and yelled: "This tomb will be your tomb." Not bad. I was also thinking: "Jackals, die like jackals." But that's jackals twice... What? Should I say, "Hyenas", instead? Locked up in the Pyramids? I don't understand! They're magicians! You need supernatural powers to get out of there! They're tough, those barbarians I need an idea... Got one! I have a terrible idea! Two... Even three! I've got a whole bunch of ideas! I'm so good. I don't like that laughter. It frightens me Get to work! That's not even close to the luxurious garden we need Getamanix, you don't have any potion to speed things up? Like seeds for example... That grow into palm trees in no time? No, potions aren't the solution to everything Some things can't be changed Nature needs time to turn the seed, With sun and water, into a bud. And then... That bud... - Please? Please? It can't go any faster Yes, fantastic! Can someone get me down from this tree? They started again? I'm not happy either I also want Edifis to fail, for personal reasons I was thinking I could be of some assistance maybe After we've struck a fair deal Not here. In my tent. I'm listening Honourable Caesar, if I ensure that the construction of the palace fails Appoint me, and I'll delay the job by 2 months That way, you'll win the bet and Cleopatra is humiliated Alright, if you finish it after 4 months Three, I can't work any slower Fine, but not any sooner, or you'll have to pay a compensation That's a deal, honourable Caesar How were you planning to sabotage the construction? With this What shall I wear tonight? Careful, it's very, very tepid A gift for the Queen of Queens "As a token of honour to the Queen of Queens. The 3 Gauls: Getafix, Obelix and Asterix." How sweet. Can I open it? Oh, that's tepid A cake Tonight's dessert Modest meal, 40 dancers... 80 musicians and 300 simple dishes I don't like crowds either Dinner time! Ah, wild boar... - Finally some normal food Yes. - With lentils That's not really allowed. It's pork more or less We'll pretend we don't know. - Nobody moves We're here to arrest the Gauls Come on, for three wild boars I'll beat them up and then we'll eat No, wait. Wait! You're going to fight the whole garrison? Why not? That's illegal too? You can't do anything around here! Edifis is right. We're going to see Cleopatra Yes, nice opportunity to see the palace I'll stay here to keep an eye on the fire. It tends to go out. That's why I want to stay Everything is tasted beforehand Your scheme failed, Gauls My taster was poisoned by your cake We didn't send any cake. What cake? That cake. I don't see fifty others The wild boars, okay, but for that... Silence! You tried to kill me You will die. - By Toutatis! We are innocent! You have some nerve. Ridiculous! We work all day, breathe dust Eat lentils... - Yes, no... Yes we do - Lentils. - Yes, but... We didn't send you any poisonous cake A cake like that we would have eaten ourselves... Silence! This is ridiculous. - If she doesn't want to hear it... You don't say anything. For now. Take them away! And give the crocodiles an appetizer I'm hungry I'm hungry. Hungry! When I said hello, she turned her head We used to laugh, said cuckoo... And now... All of a sudden... She won't look at me any more. I'm a stranger to her Cleopatra and you said, "Cuckoo"? He's not talking about Cleopatra, but about a courtesan The one with the nice braid Wouldn't surprise me if he were in love I'm not in love I want to tell her I had nothing to do with it It's a juridical thing Juridical, yes Of course Stop. - Cuckoo, I love you It's great to look so stupid Subtle Sometimes you can be really nice, and sometimes we think you're... A fat idiot. - Who's an idiot? No idea. - Drink. A sip of antidote Obelix, not everything. A sip. Yes, a sip Now... Obelix, open the door I didn't drink it all... Guard, get out of my way. Yes, and when you come back you'll bring me a suit... Egyptians are mad. We ask them to get out of the way but they don't move And? - I'm ready I'm sick of standing in profile all the time Can't you sketch my front for a change? Like this. Modern art Excuse me. Can we? I'd better leave Gauls, since you want to see my demise I will, by Osiris, show you how a Queen dies No, by Toutatis, listen to us first! Where are your courtesans? - Why? No reason. I'm sure the cake wasn't poisoned I think it's very tasty even Obelix, cut 3 pieces of cake We said three pieces One... Go on. - Two. And three. Obviously And? You can see it's not poisoned Tell your courtesans. Especially the one with the braid Her name is Guimieukis. - Guimieukis I had a dream last night I had won a million Sestertius I bought shoes. Too big and ugly too Unbelievable. And weird, because... That Egyptian architect and his proposition... Ilemauris? - Artifis Yes. - Incompetent. He hasn't achieved anything Send one of ours to spy and snoop around Thinking of someone in particular, oh Caesar? Someone sneaky... Cartapus. - Yes? Caesar, meet Cartapus Our best spy Ave Caesar. Power and prosperity Cartapus is a professional. The Queen of Camouflage If I look that way, you can see me When I look this way, you can't You can. You can't. You can. Can't. Can't. Can. - Incredible You can't. Can't. Can. You can. Can't. You can a little Amazing? - Yes She wasn't even trying hard They're mocking me Four months! - Don't rush me I've been waiting four months! - My mother will kill me I have connections. - Come on, stay calm Don't touch me! Impossible to stay calm! Malococsis, I'll finish everything tomorrow I'll even give you a discount. I'd like that He'd like that If you're not there tomorrow, I'd rather not be in your place And? The magic potion gives them incredible strength I drank it, and now I'm Superman... Superwoman You don't believe me, oh Caesar? We shall see Malivestus! Slap her. Caesar will personally deal with this matter The dice have been cast. "Alea jacta est." Excuse me... In the name of Caesar! We know the Gauls are hiding here I demand that Appendix, Olympix, and Mannekepix... No, their names are Asterix... Their names don't matter! If they don't surrender immediately, we'll attack. We're here to help Cleopatra By Toutatis, we're not leaving until the work is finished Don't be so aggressive... Maybe we can talk! We'll kill you all! I knew it Jeanclaudeus, prepare the troops. And show no mercy. Antivirus My name is Antivirus Arm yourself. One, two, three... ...four, six, five... Come on! Get in line! Here, put him in some shade So, amateurs, coming to see the professionals at work? Yes, alright Yes... If you're not used to it, it's rather impressive Getamanix, magic potion for the workers. - It's their day off So... This is the palace, there are the gardens And there is the temple with the Sphinxes That's not a good drawing No, I'm merely sketching In perspective it's more like... I would have drawn it more in profile Yes, you do it all the time Those Romans are mad Because of the violence in the next scene, We prefer to broadcast this documentary In contrary to common belief, The lobster feeds exclusively on shellfish Which doesn't bother humanity The End Careful! One got through! Dogmatix, attack! Leave me alone! I've been beaten already! Alright... Sir, we don't allow speeding here We're not in Rome Ave Caius C+. They withstood the attack But some managed to get very close to the enemy Bravo, brave soldier They shouldn't have challenged me And what's that? We got right up to them... But they were nice They let us go without beating us too much What will we do now? I'm asking, as an amateur. Attack again! Caius C+, I'm not sure that's a good idea The Gauls are invincible I think we better give up I'm very disappointed by your attitude, Centurion Antiquarus Antivirus. My name is Antivirus No one humiliates the Roman empire. If it's attacked... The empire counterattacks He's mad. He hurt my throat It's too quiet I don't like that I prefer a little commotion Stop! War machines. Take your positions! How low can you go? Beautiful landscape Not good, not bad either Fire! Destroy the palace! Ready? - Ready! When I lower my arm... You fire. Easy There... Bingo. My palace! I wonder why all this violence is necessary? No, it's fine Come! Fine. Excellent! With such equipment it's easy It's not about the equipment. - Oh yes it is No. - Yes No. - Yes No. Yes. My palace is turned into a ruin! Go on, Romans, fire! We no longer care You missed. You shoot like girls! We're still here We must inform Cleopatra. She could force... Caesar to stop. No. No. No. No. - Yes Yours sincerely... I have an idea. Dogmatix will bring the message Dogmatix will bring the message That dog? You want me to die? Edifis is right. I mean... it's a dog He got us out of the pyramid Go on, Dogmatix Take this message to Cleopatra He's too young to understand I'm hit! Never mind, I'm fine. Men! We're seaworthy yet again! Aboard our trusty old dragon boat It's an extraordinary mast, subtle as a bird. Hoist the sail! Yes. No. Oh no... Too far. I'm amazed It should hold A big sip. I'm leaving but I'll be back Hurry and be careful Hold on, Dogmatix Run, Asterisque... Run! Alarm! I know that one. He's a grumpy man Shields! Javelins! Why isn't he stopping? The magic potion! Citebus, Trolleybus, get him! Quickly! Go on! - But that's not my name Obelix is alone. Go help him I'm strong now? Edifis Prepare your sarcophagus Double evasion Pryadonis, violence never solved anything Stop talking Wait, I didn't drink any magic potion You lost. - Are you sure? Very sure. - Ok Did you know that my Kung Fu is excellent? (Mandarin Chinese) Why don't you speak in Cantonese? I'm not an idiot! (Cantonese) Come here then! (Mandarin) No, no! I beg you, no! I'm Artifis, and I beat Edifis The magic potion has worn off Cleopatra will never get the message Your family is fine? - Yes, Imhotep. And your father? - Fine, Imhotep. And your sister? Everything's okay, Imhotep What has become of your nephew? He's doing fine, Imhotep And how's business? Sorry, I'm borrowing this cart for a moment Many customers? - Enough, Imhotep How useful We can't catch him. - He's got one with 2 horses I can't go any faster Why does everyone always shout, "Ja, ja"? Catch me if you can! How will you get up? Like this Fighting is ridiculous. Let's work together. A lion doesn't cooperate with a cockroach What? A lion, you know, doesn't cooperate with a cockroach I understood: "...an...ion..." Doesn't calculate That means nothing to me - No. Attack! When I said lion I meant myself! I knew that What's going on? The lion doesn't cooperate with the cockroach Who's the lion now? Say it to my face, if you're a man Everything okay? By Jupiter, a moment ago he was still here We're going home. Gone is gone. I've had it with Edifis Where are we going? - To Cleopatra I'm scared. - Yes, play it smart I know Cleopatra very well. Watch me. I'm afraid I have no choice One, two, three, four, five. Antelope and lion. What does the prediction say? A message and a loved one Whatever. My Queen. - Malococsis Come on in. - Go, Dogmatix. Give her the message That's the message. - And there's the loved one My Queen, as you may know I'm building. In fact, it should have been easily finished four months ago What? - Easily. He can't get away with that! Thank you, my Queen, that you care so much By Isis, he's a sore loser! This is typical of Caesar. But this time... He'll have to accept his defeat. We will finish in time No, the construction isn't finished. That's exactly the problem... I'll see to it. You can go now, Gaul Guimieukis, show him the way. I'll be right there Pardon me, old man Come, my Dogmatix. - Come, my Gaul I believe you don't understand my problem It's that way. Straight ahead Be careful. - Yes. Everything will be destroyed Everything will be fine, Tranquilum That attack was a good idea, wasn't it? Yes, not bad Asterix is coming back When I lower my arm... Well? Don't know. A reflex? How did it go? Cleopatra got the message. - Great! The magic potion took this long to wear off? Well, it's like this... You had a taste of the best magic potion there is Good. Come, my dog. - Cuckoo... Obelix, Dogmatix just came back and he has succeeded I was sure he could do it There's a little pink... Ave Caesar Somebody wishes to see Caesar Who? - Someone I understand... I better leave... My Queen, what a pleasant surprise! Enough! I rushed over here Without changing, when I heard about what's going on here What happened? When you accept a bet, you have to play fair The Gauls may help me. - I never said... If I may say something... Just one... - This is not conquered territory! I demand the Romans leave the construction alone And repair all damages But... - Silence! Immediately! So what do we do now? What she said. We leave and repair the damages Of course, naturally I wouldn't want her to sniff her nose at me No matter how lovely it is The Romans are leaving That's good news. - They're leaving already? Incredible that each of those Romans leaves his footprint in the sand... Excuse me, I couldn't help myself That's alright For the first time, Romans and Egyptians were working together On the construction of the palace. And just in time... When the last grain of sand fell... What are you going to do now, Edifis? I still have to finish my work for Malococsis You don't have to worry about the crocodiles any longer That's why it could take a bit longer Not too long. It can't become a habit in this line of business Caesar admitted his defeat I bow to the most beautiful Queen of all And to the Egyptian people that after the Rom... And I bow to the Egyptians who are the greatest people of all Cleopatra kept her promise to Edifis Let him be covered with gold! That was the deal. Cover me with gold The Queen gave Getafix Valuable manuscripts from her library in Alexandria Your nose... Your Majesty is too good, by Belenos Otis also gave the palace a modern touch What's this little chamber for? It's Otis' invention It's the "No-effort" We chose that name when we noticed That people can go up and down with no effort Speak for yourself Oh, it tickles when it stops By Jupiter! I want to explore every room of this miracle with you The palace is huge, Caesar It consists of 162 rooms It could take a while What do you think Cleopatra and Sesam are doing? Caesar. - Cae-sar Nothing unpleasant As an exception to the rule The banquet that concludes all of Asterix's adventures Didn't take place in Gaul, but in Egypt Those big shrimps are nice Homarus. - Obelix And the guy says: "That's the Pha-ra-o" Because his name is O His name is O and comes from Phara It's O from Phara The guy's name is O He says he's from Phara From Phara. Like the Pharaoh The boss... Our boss You have a lovely mustache Is it real? - Yes. It's nothing You just let it grow Like your braids Which are nicer than Obelix's Thanks. You know how to please a woman That's a local custom In Gaul [More scenes will follow during the Credits...] Subtitles edited and corrected by Lisa (hksscom), 2002 Good evening. Your name, please What for? It's a private party. I've got a list I'm Julius Caesar Sorry, impossible There must be a problem, because... Excuse me. Make some room A warm evening? - Are you alone? We're with two, four, six, eight. It's crazy Good evening. - There's a problem... I should be on that list How do you spell your name? - C, A, E, S, A, R. Julius. Cetaparis, Seinesaindenis, C+, but I can't find any... C+, that's me. - Are you C+? Why didn't you say so? Nice harness. - Thanks I'll see you inside. - Are you ok? Have a good time Can you look for Julius? J, U, L, l, U, S. - Sir, I'm not... I work here I don't know, but I know... There's one of my amphorae inside With a J? - U, L, I, U, S Yes, that's right. Julius Caesar. At the Queen's table Good evening Is it IN Alexandria or AT Alexandria? Because in the south of Gaul, there's a city called Avignon There's a beautiful bridge. And people say, "At Avignon" Are you a courtesan? Yes, and I used to do other things too I can talk without moving my lips It's funny, the way... I have another one... Here Every part of your face hides something beautiful A rose out of your ear A Sphinx from your nose The guy says: "That's the Pharaoh." O is his name And he's from Phara That's where he comes from. Where he was born The Pharaoh, because his name is O Help! The End |
MASH 1970 CD1 MASH 1970 CD2 MAX (2002) M - The Murderers Are Among Us (1931) Maboroshi no hikari 1995 MacArthur CD1 MacArthur CD2 Macbeth (1948) Machinist The Mackennas Gold Macross II - The Movie Mad City Mad Dog and Glory Mad Max 3 - Beyond Thunderdome Mad Max II-The Road Warrior Madadayo - Not Yet (Kurosawa 1993) Madame Sat (Karim Ainouz 2002) Made In Britain 1982 25fps Mademoiselle Madness of King George The Madonna-Girlie Show - Live Down Under (1993) Madonna - Truth or Dare Maelstrom Mafia Mafia Doctor Magdalene Sisters The Magician The 1958 Magnificent Warriors Magnolia (1999) Gowenna Maid in Manhattan Majestic The Makai Tensho 2003 Making of alien vs predator Mala Educacion La Mala Leche Mala educacion La 2004 CD1 Mala educacion La 2004 CD2 Malcolm X CD1 Malcolm X CD2 Malefique 2002 Malena Malibus Most Wanted Maljukgeori Janhoksa CD1 Maljukgeori Janhoksa CD2 Mallrats CD1 Mallrats CD2 Mamma Roma Pasolini Man Apart A Man Bites Dog Man Called Horse A CD1 Man Called Horse A CD2 Man Called Sledge A Man On Fire 2004 CD1 Man On Fire 2004 CD2 Man Who Knew Too Little The CD1 Man Who Knew Too Little The CD2 Man Who Knew Too Much The Man Who Loved Women The Man Who Shot liberty Valance The 1962 Man Who Went to Mars A (2003) CD1 Man Who Went to Mars A (2003) CD2 Man Who Would Be King The Man Without a Past Man of La Mancha (1972) CD1 Man of La Mancha (1972) CD2 Man of the Year The 2003 Man with the Golden Gun The Manchurian Candidate The 2004 Mando perdido Mangchi 2003 Mango Yellow Manhattan Manhattan Midnight Manhattan Murder Mystery Manhunter Manji Mann Mannen Som Ikke Kunne Le Mannen Som Log Mannequin Manon des Sources Manon of the Spring Manroof Mans Best Friend Map Of The Human Heart 1993 Mar Adentro Marci X Maria Full Of Grace (2004) Marias Lovers Marilyn Monroe - The final days 2001 Marius 1931 CD1 Marius 1931 CD2 Marnie (Hitchcock 1964) Married With Children 1x01 - Pilot Married With Children 1x02 - Thinergy Married With Children 1x03 - Sixteen Years and What You Get Married With Children 1x04 - But I Didnt Shoot the Deputy Married With Children 1x05 - Have You Driven a Ford Lately Married With Children 1x06 - Whose Room Is It Anyway Married With Children 1x07 - Al Loses His Cherry Married With Children 1x08 - Peggy Sue Got Work Married With Children 1x09 - Married Without Children Married With Children 1x10 - The Poker Game Married With Children 1x11 - Where Is the Boss Married With Children 1x12 - Nightmare On Als Street Married With Children 1x13 - Johnny B Gone Marrying Kind The (George Cukor 1952) Marrying The Mafia CD1 Marrying The Mafia CD2 Martian Chronicles The 1980 CD1 Martian Chronicles The 1980 CD2 Martin Lawrence Live Runteldat Marx Brothers - Horse Feathers (1932) Mary Poppins 1964 CD1 Mary Poppins 1964 CD2 Mask of Zorro Masque of the Red Death The Masques (Masks) Massacre 1989 Master And Commander - The Far Side Of The World (2003) CD1 Master And Commander - The Far Side Of The World (2003) CD2 Matango (Attack of the Mushroom People 1963) Matchstick Men Matrix Matrix Reloaded (2) Matrix Revisited The (2001) CD1 Matrix Revisited The (2001) CD2 Matrix Revolutions The CD1 Matrix Revolutions The CD2 Matrix The Maurice 1987 Mauvais Sang May (Lucky McKee 2002) McKenzie Break The 1970 McLintock CD1 McLintock CD2 Me Myself I Me Myself and Irene Mean Creek 2004 Mean Girls Meaning Of Life The (Monty Pythons) CD1 Meaning Of Life The (Monty Pythons) CD2 Medea Meet Joe Black Meet The Parents Mekhong Full Moon Party (2002) Melody Time Memrias Pstumas Men Behind the Sun Men In Black Men Make Women Crazy Theory Men Suddenly In Black Men in Black 2 Men in Tights Menace 2 society Mentale La Mentale La (The Code) Mephisto CD1 Mephisto CD2 Mercury Rising Mermaids Message in a Bottle Metroland 1997 Metropolis Metropolis (anime) Miami Tail A 2003 Michael Collins CD1 Michael Collins CD2 Michael Jackson Moonwalker 1988 Michael Jordan To The Max 2000 Michel Vaillant CD1 Michel Vaillant CD2 Michelangelo Antonioni - Blow up Mickey Blue Eyes 1999 Middle of the Moment Midnight (1998) Midnight Clear A Midnight Cowboy (1969) Midnight Express 1978 Midnight Mass 2002 Midnight Run CD1 Midnight Run CD2 Mighty Wind A Milagro De P Tinto El Milieu du monde Le (Alain Tanner 1974) Millers Crossing 1990 Million Dollar Baby CD1 Million Dollar Baby CD2 Million Le 1931 Mimic Mimic 2 Mindhunters Minimal Stories 2002 Minority Report 2002 Miracle On 34th Street Miracle Worker The Mirror The 1997 Misery Mishima A Life In Four Chapters DVDRip 1985 CD1 Mishima A Life In Four Chapters DVDRip 1985 CD2 Mission Cleopatra Mission Impossible (1996) Mission Impossible 2 Mission Mumbai Mission The CD1 Mission The CD2 Mission en Marbella Mississippi Burning CD1 Mississippi Burning CD2 Mississippi Mermaid 1969 Missouri Breaks The 1976 Mogambo CD1 Mogambo CD2 Mohabbatein CD1 Mohabbatein CD2 Mokey Business Mole The CD1 Mole The CD2 Molly Maguires The CD1 Molly Maguires The CD2 Mommie Dearest (1981) Mona Lisa Smile CD1 Mona Lisa Smile CD2 Monanieba CD1 Monanieba CD2 Monday Monella CD1 Monella CD2 Money Money Money (Claude Lelouch 1972) CD1 Money Money Money (Claude Lelouch 1972) CD2 Mongjunggi Monkeybone - Special Edition Mononoke Monsters Ball Monsters and Cie Monthy Python - Life Of Brian Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl 1982 Monty Python and the Holy Grail Monty Pythons Life of Brian Monty Pythons The Meaning of Life Monty Pythons and the Meaning of Life Moon Child 2003 CD1 Moon Child 2003 CD2 Moon Spinners CD1 Moon Spinners CD2 Moonfleet 1955 Moonlight Whispers 1999 Moscow Does Not Believe In Tears CD1 Moscow Does Not Believe In Tears CD2 Mosquito Coast The CD1 Mosquito Coast The CD2 Most Terrible Time In My Life The (1994) Mostly Martha Mother India 1957 CD1 Mother India 1957 CD2 Mother Kusters Goes To Heaven 1975 Mother Night 1996 Mother The 2003 CD1 Mother The 2003 CD2 Mothman Prophecies The Moulin Rouge CD1 Moulin Rouge CD2 Mouse Hunt Mrs Doubtfire Mrtav Ladan Muhammad - Legacy Of A Prophet CD1 2002 Muhammad - Legacy Of A Prophet CD2 2002 Mujer mas fea del mundo La Mummy Returns The - Collectors Edition (Widescreen) Mummy The - Full-Screen Collectors Edition Muppet Christmas Carol The Murder By Numbers Murder In The First 1995 Murder Most Foul (1964) Murder My Sweet 1944 Murder at the Gallop Muriels Wedding Musketeer The My Babys Daddy My Beautiful Laundrette My Big Fat Greek Wedding My Boss My Hero My Bosss Daughter 2003 My Girlfriends Boyfriend (Eric Rohmer 1987) My Life as a Dog 1985 My Life to Live My Neighbors the Yamadas (Isao Takahata 1999) CD1 My Neighbors the Yamadas (Isao Takahata 1999) CD2 My Son the Fanatic My Tutor Friend (2003) CD1 My Tutor Friend (2003) CD2 My Wife Is A Gangster 2 My Wife Is Gangster Mystery Of Rampo |