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Juwanna Mann

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You guys know the drill.|I got to get ready for the game.
- Damn.|{y:i}-Mr.Jeffries. Mr.Jeffries.
Can I please have|your autograph?
Yeah. Sure, kid. Ricky.
A stamp?
You're welcome, kid.|Stay in school. Be like Jamal.
{y:i} Another monster dunk|{y:i}by Jam-all. The kid is on fire tonight.
Kenny, that's what|I'm talking about.
That six-game suspension|did him some good. His mind is right.
Ooh! Ooh!
Ooh!
- Come and get some of this, boy.|- What you got, smurf?
What you got,|big smurf? Huh? Huh?
Bam! Somebody catch me.
Did I come down on you?
If you had a little bit more game,|maybe you wouldn't be crying.
If you were just a little taller.|A little bit taller.
Here we go again.
- What's up with that, man?|- I'm supposed to let you through?
- Is that five?|- Yep.
{y:i}Here's the problem. That's five fouls|{y:i}on Jam-all. One more, he's done.
That'd set a team record|for disqualifications.
- Hearn, get in there for Jeffries.|{y:i}- Ref, I was going for the ball.
You need to watch the game.|You're missing a good one.
-Jamal, you out, man. I got you.|- I ain't going nowhere.
{y:i}- Go tap somebody else.|- Time out!
- Time out!
I was born with it, baby.|Don't be jealous. Don't be jealous.
-Jamal, you're out.|- What do you mean I'm out?
I'm out? I'm out of what, Coach?|What you gonna do, fire me?
I'm the head coach.|I call the shots.
Wait. Hold on. You may call the shots,|but I'm making all the shots.
Coach, you see that?|Look at that scoreboard.
That's me, bro. All me. You may be coach|of this damn team, but I "am" the team.
There isn't a team in this league that|wouldn't kill to have a player like me.
- They can have you.|- Yeah? And you can have this...
Coach.
Yeah, boo you.|You want something to boo about?
Huh? How about this?
- Yeah, boo you too.|- Boo!
Yeah, yeah, boo you.|Yeah, boo you.
This is the most disgusting display|of unsportsmanlike conduct|I have ever seen.
How about this?
- Oh, Lord.|- Change that to second most.
- Ha!|- Oh, my God.
You like it. You like it,|don't you, ladies?
How you like me now?
Last night|Beat guard JamalJeffries...
gave the fans much more|than they bargained for...
when he decided to get ready|for the showers a little early|at the Charlotte Coliseum.
Say hello|to my little friend.
How you like me now?
I don't know what the big deal is.|We are all born naked.
I like being naked.|Don't you like being naked?
J.J., he sort of lost it tonight,|but, hey, it happens.
I think we as professional athletes|got to be role models to the kids...
because they look up|to us in the community.
{y:i}Yo, Rasheed,you suck.
Well, say it|to my face then, chump.
Whatever the league|decides to do in this case...
they won't get|an argument from us.
The commissioner of basketball will|be having a press conference later...
to announce what penalties|the league will be imposing.
We were able to get|the reaction of Jamal's agent.
I spoke with Jamal|earlier today...
and, naturally,|he's feeling quite remorseful...
regarding|his losing control.
I happen to know, in fact,|that at this very moment...
he's quietly reflecting on|his inappropriate behavior.
Mmmmmmmmmm....|Ow!
Give it to me.|Give it to me.
Whoo!
I love this game, baby!
What's up? What's up in here? Having a|good time? Everybody having a good time?
{y:i}- I ain't groovin'|{y:i}unless I got three booties.
{y:i}- Throw your hands up!|{y:i}Throw your hands up!|- Mm-mm-mm.
Look at that, out there|with the three skankateers.
{y:i}Girl, I don't know|{y:i}how you put up with that.
Honey, all these|tricks is dogs.
But if you have to sleep in a doghouse,|it might as well look like this one.
True.
- Work it! Work it!
Hey, hey, hey!|I know you hear the phone!
You see me talkin' business.|Get the phone. Go get the phone!
I ain't deaf.
I got to rethink|cloning. Uhh!
Yeah!
- Phone call.|- What do you want me to do? I'm busy.
Tell 'em I'm not here.
- Sorry, Aunt Ruby, but Jamal|can't come to the phone--|- Aunt Ruby?
Out.
Y'all heard me. Out.
Boy, what in the world is the matter|with you? Have you lost your mind?
Have you plum|lost your mind?
- I was ready to call you--|- Don't interrupt me|when I'm talking to you.
- I know, but I'm--|- I said don't interrupt me.
Yes, ma'am.
I'm sitting here last night,|watching the game with my girlfriends...
and the next thing I know|I'm looking at your naked butt cheeks.
I read the TV guide,Jamal,|and nowhere did it say...
that I would see my nephew Jamal's|scrawny ass on channel 1( at (:00.
I know, Aunt Ruby, but--
You think you can carry on|any ol' way, any ol' how|just 'cause you feel like it?
Answer me when|I'm talking to you, boy!
- But you just told me not to interrupt.|- I don't care what I said.
- Wait a minute. Is that music|I hear over there?
- You having a party?|- No. That stupid girl got her TV up.
Are you-- You know what? I'm not|gonna raise my blood pressure...
and get upset|over this nonsense.
Calm down.
- Yeah, take a deep breath.|- Oh, Lord.
{y:i}They talking about you|{y:i}on television,JJ.
- They talking about me on TV?|- Is there an echo on this phone? Yeah!
- Turn it on! I got to go!|- Hello?
The league has had enough.
Professional basketball|can no longer sit idly by...
and watch its players undermine|the integrity of this game.
{y:i}As of today,Jamal Jeffries|{y:i}is suspended, indefinitely.
{y:i}No more questions, please.
Hey, don't worry|about all that, y'all.
This is all gonna blow over.|You know how it is.
It's just the man trying to hold|a brother down. You know how they do it.
Pro basketball needs JamalJeffries.|This is gonna blow over.
Blow over. Trust me.
No, Friday's|no good for me.
No, Friday's|no good for me.
You know what?|I'm gonna have to call you back.
My client from Chippendale's|just showed up.
{y:i}Yeah, all right. Bye-bye.|{y:i}Hey,Jamal.
What's up, baby?|Shoot me straight.
I talked to the Beat about an hour ago|and they've dropped your contract.
Well, too bad for the Beat.|They can drop all they want.
My stuff is guaranteed.|Jamal's contract's guaranteed.
"Was" guaranteed.
Yeah. There's a little thing|in the contract called a morals clause...
and since, well,|you don't seem to have any...
the contract becomes null|and his trusty sidekick void.
So you the sidekick, right? Then|earn your money and get on the horn.
Shop me around to other teams.|Come on, Tonto. Let's go.
That's pretty much|how I spent my entire day.
Talked to every team,|every single team.
Nobody wants you.|You know why? You're a head case.
Well, then bump 'em.|Bump 'em all.Jamal don't need them.
{y:i}Send me to Europe.|{y:i}I like foreign women.
And you know,|not a bad idea.
Unfortunately, though,|it turns out...
they call it|the ”worldwide web” for a reason.
- That's your ass.|- Forget that.
What about the CBA?|What about the Globetrotters?
{y:i}- I mean, something.|- Globetrotters. That'd be fun.
No. Nobody wants you,|not even the Clippers.
- I thought you were my friend, Lorne.|- See, now, that's a problem.
I'm not your friend.|I'm your agent.
I was your agent.|That also is null and void.
Wait.|What are you saying?
Now you're not|gonna be my agent?
Yeah, it's over.|I can't be your agent. That's silly.
But I certainly|wish you luck. I do.
And here's hoping you|invested your money wisely...
- 'cause I don't see any fresh|cash coming in any time soon.|{y:i}-Ahh!
Don't even need|to hear it. Bling.
JamalJeffries's|got plenty cash.
So don't you worry about me.|Okay? JamalJeffries is set, baby. Set.
Broke? What the hell|do you mean I'm broke?
You ain't got|no more money, dog. Chapter 11 .
Chapter 11? What happened|to the first ten chapters?
- Are you stupid? No money, man.|- Tell me, Mr. Business Manager...
- what you been doing with all my money?|- You spent it all.
- I spent it all?|- That's right. You spent it all.
- I did?|- Maybe you got too many furs.
- Why didn't you try to stop me?|- Tried to do that, bro.
- You did?|- I sure did.
Yo, Tina!
Yo, baby, everything|gonna be all right.
It sho' is.
You still got a little|modeling left in you.
{y:i}It'll be chump change compared|{y:i}to what I used to bring in...
but it'll get us by until the|commissioner comes to his senses.
Come on, baby.|Where you at?
{y:i}I'm in the bedroom.|{y:i}I'll be out in a minute.
Yeah, well, come on.|Ain't that much makeup in the world.
You know I had|a rough couple of days.
You ought to be rubbing|a brother down.
{y:i}The Banshees!
- Losing all control.|{y:i}-And they're back.
I'm prepare to rumble.|Are you?
{y:i}- Get your tickets today.|- I'll rumble with you.
I'll rumble with you|all night long.
- Women's basketball. What a joke.|-Jamal, I'm leaving.
Okay. While you're out, why don't you|pick a brother up something to eat.
I'm--
Baby, what you doing?|That's the good luggage.
Don't make it easy on 'em.|Put this--
- What is that?|- My stuff. I'm leaving you.
What do you mean|you leaving?
The only reason why I stayed|with your lyin', cheatin' ass...
is because you were|rich and famous.
- But now you're neither,|so what's the point?|- What are you talking about?
What about all the good lovin'|you was getting up in here?
I packed it. The batteries too.|Good-bye,Jamal.
Go ahead. Go ahead.|Yeah, you try to come back...
you're gonna have to start|at the bottom of the list.
{y:i}Yeah,yeah,yeah.|{y:i}That's why I'm leaving your broke ass.
Yeah, plus your feet stink!
All right, listen to me. You wanna|win this thing, it's real simple.
You go inside and you act|like an adult. That's all.
If you forget what that is, just look|around the room at everybody else.
Hold on here.|I am calm, Loren. I am cool.
And I am ready to collect my checks.|Damn, I look good.
Mr.Jeffries, you have clearly|embarrassed the league, your team...
{y:i}and I certainly hope you've|{y:i}embarrassed yourself.
What is it you're here|to say to me today?
Uh, I'm here|to say that--
I'm here to say that--
that what I did|was wrong, and, uh...
{y:i}I sincerely, uh--
I am--|I'm sincerely--
He apologizes, sir.|He is very apologetic.
This is not your arbitration|hearing, Mr. Daniels.
{y:i}May I remind you|{y:i}it's your client's.
He is the one|with the oversized ego...
{y:i}that may be eclipsing|{y:i}his talent at this point.
- Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hold,|Colonel Sanders. Hold on.|- Mm!
Excuse me. ”Oversized ego|eclipsing his talent?”
{y:i}Perhaps you haven't seen|{y:i}my game in a while, Pops.
Maybe you need to trim|some of them mother-- |bushes off your-- head.
{y:i}You'd be able to see|{y:i}my mother-- game.|{y:i}Don't try to give me no shit.
- Take that. What you got, baby?|- I'm gonna show you what I got.
{y:i}I'm gonna show you|{y:i}what I got right now.
You still|ain't saying nothing.
- Ooh!
Jamal, you|holding up the game.
- Here.|- Esther.
{y:i}Uh, Esther,|{y:i}it's on you.
- Come on, You old biddy.|play your card.|- This bra is killing me.
You's a fine-lookin'|young man.
Ooh!
Damn!
Okay, that's it. I've--|I've had enough of the bridge club.
You ain't playing no more?
No, no. Oh. I need to go|outside for some air.
Why,J.J.?
There's a CNN report|that says...
too much inside air|is-is deadly.
{y:i}While you're going outside...
make yourself useful and pick up|some groceries for the morning.
I ain't gonna fetch|no groceries.
I don't do that|no more, Aunt Ruby.
I'm a professional|ballplayer. I'm a star.
You a what?
You heard me. I'm a star.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Hurry back with|them groceries, star.
Gonna talk back to me|in my own house.
Your house? I was the one|bought you the house.
You better get|out of here. Crazy ass.
{y:i}- Man, what happened?|{y:i}- What you doing?
Can't pass.
Hey, y'all,|it's Jamal Jeffries.
- Can I have your autograph?|- Yeah. Sure, kid.
- Where's your stupid stamp?|- Ooh!
- What?|- You heard me.
Thought you were hot stuff,|didn't you? But look at you now.
Look where your nasty|attitude's gotten you.
- Girl, I'll take this--|- Whatever.
Why don't you just go ahead and pass me|the ball, if you still know how.
Ooh! Ooh!
- Yeah.|- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
”Yeah” that.
What you got, boy? Come on.|What you got? What you got?
Boo-yah!|How you like me now?
Lorne Daniels, please.
Tell him it's Kobe Bryant|looking for a new agent.
There you are, Lorne.|Jamal.
- You can't stop me.|- Don't hang up. Listen to me.
I'm calling to tell you about a|phenomenal basketball player I just met.
Why? Because you were good to me and I|wanna be good to you. Listen to me.
This is the greatest|basketball player you've ever seen.
And get this, Lorne,|it's a girl.
That's right. A girl.
She a little rough|around the edges 'cause she's|straight up from the country.
Get me Coach Rivers on the phone,|immediately. Immediately!
- Yeah.
- Time to get paid.
- It's time to get paid.|Time to get paid.
- Time to get-- get paid.
- Ah, yeah.
Uh! Uh!
- Get paid. Get paid, baby.
Get paid. Time to get paid.|Time to get paid.
Jamal,|what are you doing?
Um, I'm, um, trying on|your clothes, Aunt Ruby.
Yeah, I gather that,|but what are you doing?
I know this look freaky, Aunt Ruby,|but it's not what you think.
Well, it can't get much better|than what I think.
Jamal, there's no way|I'm helping you do this.
- Aunt Ruby-- Aunt Ruby, please.|- Mm-mmm.
Boy, get up off your knees|in my pants.
Aunt Ruby!
Jamal, when you were|in the sixth grade...
{y:i}who was there for you when you|{y:i}traded your little baby cousin...
{y:i}- for a new pair of basketball shoes?|- You were there, Aunt Ruby.
You were there for me,|but I need you.
I was there, helped you through it,|didn't ask no questions...
didn't pass|no judgments, but this--
Boy, don't you give me|them puppy dog eyes.
- Aunt Ruby, you have to help me.|You got to help me.|- Uh-uh.Jamal, no!
Are you watching?|Are you watching?
Good shot. Good shot. That's what I'm|talking about. Way to break it down.
Lorne, practice is almost over. I think|your blind date just stood you up.
Looks that way,Jennifer.|Coach. Sorry.
{y:i}Listen. It's all my fault. I trusted|{y:i}somebody. I should've known better--
- I'm here!|- Hold up.
Uh, Latisha.
Guard her.
I hope your game's|as tight as your ass.
Girl, I chase chickens|quicker than you.
I hope you can make that ball bounce|like them titties of yours.
-Just keep your eyes on me.|- Come on with it.
There you go.
Boom!
Sweet.
Come on. Let's go.|Here I go.
And... boom!
- That costs money.|- Come on, girls!
- Ball! Ball!|- Ball what?
Too easy.
- Yeah.|- Where did you find her?
I heard about her|from a friend.
- Ball!|- I got her!
Damn.
You made me miss.|That's blocking.
What? Oh, please.|You got to be kidding me.
She made me miss it.|Blocking.
{y:i}Ladies, that's it. Nice job.|{y:i}We'll see you tomorrow.
Uh, so, why don't|you call me in the morning...
and maybe we can|work something out.
Yeah. Thanks, Coach.
What's your name|anyway, hotshot?
- I don't know myself. What is it?|- Let's get pizza. You wanna?
-Ju--Juwanna.|-Juwanna?
- Yes.Juwanna, man.|-Juwanna Mann, Coach Rivers.
- It's great to meet you.|- Nice to meet you, Coach.
- You all right?|- Yo, I'm straight.
- No, you not.|- And you must be Lorne.|- That's right.
-Jamal's told me so much about you.|- Really?
Didn't tell me|you were so cute though.
Juwanna!
{y:i}How's my favorite girl?|{y:i}Come on in. Sit down.
- Oh, why, thank you, Mr. Daniels.|- Please, call me Lorne.
You should be on a first-name basis with|the man who's about to change your life.
- Oh, really? Gonna change my life?|{y:i}-Absolutely.
I don't know how I did it.|Well, that's not completely true.
This here is a one-year contract|for you with the Charlotte Banshees.
- Oh, my Lord, are you kidding me?|- No.
- Oh, my Lord!|- Mm-hmm.
- Am I dreaming?|- No, you're not dreaming.
Go ahead.|Pinch yourself. I'll wait.
This is the first time in my life|I've ever been speechless.
That is the beauty|of signing a contract.
There's no speech really required.|So just go ahead and sign there.
Don't I need to get a lawyer to take|a look at this thing before I sign it?
Of course not. These contracts are|completely standard at this point.
All the hard work's been done by me.|Just go ahead and sign.
I guess it's better|than playing in the parks.
- It certainly is. Right here.|- Right here?
And here. And here.
Juwanna.Juwanna.Juwanna.
That's a lovely signature.|Congratulations,Juwanna.
You are about to become|the newest member...
of the Charlotte Banshees.
{y:i}- Whee-ee!
{y:i}I am so excited.
All in one day I'm|starting a whole new life...
and I have my very own|big-time agent.
Oh, I don't want you|to just think of me as your agent.
I'm also your friend.
Oh, that is so sweet, Lorne.
And I don't want you to only think|of me as just your client...
because I am also|your ex-client, biatch.
- Got you, didn't I?|- Oh, shit.
Give me the fax.|Give it to me.
- Give it to me. Give it to me. Come on.|- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Mr. Daniels. Mr.--
- Give it to me.|{y:i}- Mr. Daniels. Mr. Daniels!
- Your wife is on line three.|- Tell her I'm with a client, will you?
Okey-dokey.
- God, this is great!|- Uh-huh.
{y:i}- Got your ass. Got your ass!|- Betty. Betty. Betty!
{y:i}I want you to get Coach Rivers on|{y:i}the line immediately, as in right now!
All right, okay.
When Coach Rivers gets on the phone,|tell her the whole truth.
Okay. I will. I'll tell her.|I'll say, ”Coach Rivers, yeah--
and trick you|into signing me.”
That's not at all the truth.|I had nothing to do with this.
What do you mean you had|nothing to do with it?
All I did was tell you|about a phenomenal basketball|player, and what did you do?
You set up the tryouts,|you negotiated the contract,|you brokered the deal, baby.
You kind of created me.|You're Frankenstein.
Oh, God.
No, no, no.|No, this is crazy.
{y:i}- No one's gonna believe you're a woman.|- You did.
- This is blackmail.|- No, it's not. This is black fe-male.
- That's not funny.|- What do you expect me to do?
Basketball is the only thing|I really know how to do.
And I have to make a living.
So until you figure out how|to get me back with my team...
you can just look for me|in the women's locker room, baby.
The women's locker room,|checking out booties.
Checking out booties.
- Basketball booties.|-Jamal.
I thought|we were friends.
Oh. Now, see,|there's a problem.
You're not my friend, Lorne.|Remember?
You're my agent.
{y:i}Thanks to you, Lorne,|{y:i}I'm gonna be a Charlotte Banshee.
You're better|than Jerry Maguire.
Somebody kill me!
{y:i}- Y'all ready for this?
- Who's ready to play?|Who's ready to win?|- Banshees!
- Ban--|- Shees!
- Ban--|- Shees!
{y:i}Banshees!
{y:i}It's the opening game|{y:i}of the WUBAseason.
Hi. Welcome inside|the Charlotte Coliseum.
Along with Jeanne Zelasko,|I'm Chris Myers.
We have a terrific matchup|for you today.
The Charlotte Banshees hosting|the two-time defending champion,|Houston Gallop.
With all-stars in the lineup like|Michelle Langford and Natalie Kemper...
{y:i}you have to believe the Banshees have|{y:i}a great shot at beating the Gallop.
Jamal.
-Jamal.
-Juwanna.|- Lorne.
{y:i}Ladies and gentlemen, please rise...
{y:i}for the singing|{y:i}of our national anthem.
{y:i}Singing for us today is multi-platinum|{y:i}recording artist, Romeo.
You don't understand how excited I am.|My very first game.
I saw television cameras. Did you know|this game is being televised?
I sure did, and I'm still trying|to figure out what's my best side.
- Here or my ass.|- I think--
- Promise me you'll try to fit in.|- I will try to fit in.
All right.|There is no dunking in this league.
I won't dunk.|I promise. Relax.
It's not like I need to an"yw"ay.|I got to go. Now, keep your head up.
Yeah. Keep your boobs up.
For you.
- For my baby.|- How sweet.
- See you after the game?|- No doubt, baby.
That boy drop more shit|than the bunny rabbit on Ex-Lax.
But she's so blind she can't see past|his great, big ol' walking stick.
Ain't that right, girl?
- What's up, player?|- What's up, player player?
Give me some, player.|What's the deal, baby?
I'm just a squirrel in your world.|I see you're doing your thing.
- You're looking at something.|{y:i}- Man, hot dogs and hamburgers, man.
{y:i}She's all that and a baseball bat|{y:i}and a hot wheel track.
I'm telling you,|brown sugar like D'Angelo.
That's what he was|talking about-- right there.
Oh! She gonna|block me out, huh?
{y:i}-She with it though.|{y:i}- I know she with it.
{y:i}Yeah, baby.
Drop it like it's hot.
All right! Yeah!
{y:i}That's all right, girl!|{y:i}We get it next time, Natalie!
Hit. Two shots.
Yeah, that's a nice girl there.|She a little naive though.
Foreigner.|Here on a visa from Oklahoma.
{y:i}She gonna be|{y:i}a city girl before long.
{y:i}She rooming with Sanchez.
{y:i}That little hot tamale|{y:i}over there.
That girl get around.
Really?
How awful. Awful.
{y:i}Block out, Magda!
{y:i}With that big-ass head,|{y:i}she could block out the sun.
I said block out,|you Serbian knucklehead!
- Way to go!|- So, what's your story?
Me? I like|to keep it simple.
You give me a good book|and a good bitch, I'm straight.
I like you.
{y:i}Yes, Natalie! Way to get in there!
Time out!
- Come on, Natalie!|- All right, Natalie!
All right, hotshot.
- Let's see what you got.|- All right, Coach. Now you're coaching.
{y:i}There has been a substitution,|{y:i}and the new player is number 22.
{y:i}Chris, that is Juwanna Mann.
- Yo, you see that?|- That deserves a ”wow.”
Wrong. Na-na-na-na.
Beer and a popcorn.
It's all right. Okay.
{y:i}The ball is stolen away.|{y:i}What a move.
No! No! No!
Pass the ball!
Don't dunk!
{y:i}The 360.|{y:i}Another amazing shot.
Ain't nothing sexier|than a woman with ball control.
All right! Yes!
Pass the ball!|Pass the ball!
{y:i}- Here I go! Here I go! You ready?|- Ball! Ball!
It's mine! Mine!
22, Offense.
22, hit.
Technical right here.
If y'all hadn't been playing|like a bunch of little girls.
Coach, that girl has got to go. You|know she's the reason we lost the game.
- She wouldn't even let|the ground touch the ball.|- I understand your frustration.
The woman has|definitely got problems.
You got that right. Her number-one|problem is I'm not playing with her.
You're gonna have to.|We just got Natalie's MRI back.
She tore her ACL.|She's out for the rest of the season.
{y:i}And I'm makingJuwanna|{y:i}her replacement.
What? But she's nothing|but a ball hog, Coach.
You're gonna talk to me about ball hog,|”Miss I Got Game, I'm All That”?
- I wasn't as bad as her.|- Michelle, you need to step up.
You're captain of this team,|and I'm expecting you to help me|turn this woman around.
I'm in a messy situation. I'm stuck,|and, basically, we have no choice.
{y:i}That was quite a performance|{y:i}you had out there today.
What, 15 points|in the second half alone.
It was, but it would've been 16 if y'all|would have just picked up the pace.
Listen to me. I know I'm not|the captain of this team yet.
But you guys wanna win, you're gonna|have to find a way to get me the ball.
- What?|- I can't pass the thing to myself.
I probably could if I worked at it,|but we're supposed to be a team.
- Teamwork.Just what|we need to talk about.|- That's right.
Forget it.
Look. You know, I'd love to work with|you on your game, if you're up to it.
Go over the playbook|with you...
make sure you understand|how the Banshees--
How you gonna work with me on my game|when my game doesn't need any work?
Didn't you see it?
But I'll be more than happy to help you|with a few pointers on "your" game.
I'll be really happy to do that--|Oh, my God. Lord, what are you doing?
Taking a shower, Einstein.|Aren't you?
Hell, yes, I'll take a shower with--|shower soon as I get home.
{y:i}I got to do it as soon as I get home.|{y:i}I really can't take showers in public.
Things crawl up in you|and you never find them.
Whatever.
Boy, I love this league.
What part of”don't draw attention|to yourself' did you not understand?
Lorne, I'm sorry. They were screaming|and cheering for a brother-- a sister.
What was I supposed to do?|Play like a bitch?
Yes, play like a woman.|That was your plan.
- Calm down. Chill out, man.|- You're right. I got to calm down.
I'm overreacting.|Absolutely.
I'm not used to going to a game|and praying that my client's|boobs don't fall out!
You keep this up, I'm gonna be|booking clowns at birthday parties.
That's your problem. My problem is I|need a shower. I sweat more as a woman.
{y:i}Jamal, please.
{y:i}I'm fairly certain|{y:i}I can get you an arbitration hearing.
But until then, I need you to keep|a low profile. That's all.
- Okay.|- Can you do that?
I can do that, Lorne.|I'll keep a low profile. I promise.
Damn, you're gonna have a heart attack|if you keep that shit up.
- Yeah.|- I'm telling you. Bye-bye, Lorne.
What a snake. I knew it.
{y:i}- Holler at ya.|{y:i}- I'll holler at you too.
- Hold up, little girl.|Let me tell you something.|- Ooh!
You are one tall|glass of water...
and I'm telling you|”scraight” up, I'm thirsty.
- What in the hell are you?|- You don't know who I am, do you?
- No, I don't. Who are you?|- I am Puff Smokey Smoke.
You wanna kiss it,|don't you?
That's right. Uh-huh.|Rap extraordinaire.
I also sang background|on Romeo's last album...
”Where There's Smoke|There's Firestone.”
Oh, really? Well, you can sing|backup for me right now.
Just back right on up. Thank you very|much, Mr. Puffer, but I have to go.
Drive careful now, baby...
'cause you are|definitely precious cargo.
You ready? You ready?
Pass the ball.Juwanna!
Juwanna. What the hell are you doing?
Well, I'm sweating.|I'm breaking down the defense.
{y:i}I'm wearing these chumps out,|{y:i}making all the shots. Take your pick.
You know what? Practice is over.|Michelle, don't leave. Stick around.
{y:i}This is about you|{y:i}and Juwanna.
Listen, missy.
I want you to take a look up here|and tell me what you see.
What I see are a bunch of empty bleaches|that I'm about to help you fill.
{y:i}- That's what I see.|- Very funny. You're a funny lady.
I see a sign that says|the Charlotte Banshees.
My eyes are fine, Coach.
Because it says|the Charlotte Banshees...
and not|the Charlotte Ju-wanna.
{y:i}And if the Charlotte Banshees are gonna|{y:i}have any chance of winning this season...
I have to get my two strongest|players here to try and work together.
Otherwise, we're screwed.
So, you're gonna play|with Michelle here...
one-on-one...
and one-on-one|and one-on-one and one-on-one.
Hey, how about one-on-one?
Until you start to get|with the program. You got it?
Yeah, I got it, Coach.
Mm!
- You ready for this?|- What you got? Come on.
- You're gonna need a pen and paper.|- That's all right. Come on.
- Are you ready?|- What you got?
Ooh! Boom!|Sorry about that. Oh!
Now, that's what|I call an ass-ist.
Ha ha.
Ooh! Boom!
That's game.
You really think|you're something, don't you?
Well, I got it going on.|What can I say? Born with it.
Here we go. The jokes.|Look,Juwanna...
{y:i}this might be a joke to you,|{y:i}but it's not to me.
You got some big balls,|don't you, girl?
Yeah, yeah, but all your arrogance|and all of that showboatin'...
that doesn't scare me,|'cause I know it's just a cover.
Because underneath, you don't trust|anybody but yourself, girl.
And that's exactly where you|gonna end up, by yourself...
if you don't start|to trust your team.
And we'll be right back|with more of "Oprah." Are you done?
No.
Don't get me wrong.|You got mad skills. You're good.
But one player can't|win games by themselves.
We need teamwork.
- So you think I got skills?|- Yeah.
I'd like to be able to do some|of them moves I saw you do.
- Wrap around.|- I'd sure like to show you|some of them moves.
- What?|- I sure could show you|some of those moves.
- It's real easy.|- Good. See, now we talking.
I have never seen anybody pick up|some moves quicker than you.
I have never seen anybody pick up|some moves quicker than you.
- You were stormin'.|- Well, you know. You know.
- Romeo! Hey!|- What's up, girl?
What you doing?
I couldn't roll through Atlanta|without my baby.
-Juwanna, I got a ride.|- All right. Bye-bye.
Bye.
You have some trouble there,|little lady?
{y:i}My door's just stuck.|{y:i}You go right ahead. I can handle this.
- I don't want you to strain yourself.|- That's what you get.
I guess you don't need|no man's help after all.
- No, I don't need a man, but thank you.|- It's like that. All right.
Hey,Juwanna, You wanna hang out|tomorrow before our trip to New York?
- Oh, I'd love to.|{y:i}- Cool.
-Just you and me, right?|- Yeah.
- It's a date.|- All right.
What's up, baby?
- See you later.|- Bye.
I can't stand him. Bam!
- I got a little surprise for you.|- What is it? I love surprises.
You do? Good. Because I have booked us|for an entire day of beauty at the spa.
Spa?
So relaxing.
- I'm looking forward to this.|- Mm-hmm.
I'm looking forward to it too.|I'm feeling relaxed already.
Hi.
Oh, yes.
Where did you|leave your wings, you angel you?
Oh, my God.|Lord. Who are you?
Slow it down now. Oh!
- Ooh! Slow it down, sailor.
Ooh, Lord. Ow!
Oh! Is there a medic?
Ooh!
Thanks, Susie.|We'll see you next time.
Yes. Bye, Susie.
So, how you feeling?
Oh, Lord, girl, if I was any number,|I think I'd be dead.
Get a good night's sleep.|We got that 7:00 a.m. flight|in the morning to New York.
Don't worry about me.|My alarm's set, sweetie, right here.
- Right here.|- Good.
- Was that your first time?|- First and last, sweetie.
Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord.|No, I don't need this.
And he's white.|Okay, I can do this. I can do this.
{y:i}Morning, Officer. Nice morning,|{y:i}isn't it? Sun shinin;
{y:i}Birds a-chirpin; Anybody tell you|{y:i}you look like Mel Gibson?
Do you have any idea|how fast you were going, ma'am?
Well, see, actually, Officer,|my speedometer is broken on this car.
And I was looking at it, but--|How fast was I going?
- I clocked you at 50.|- Is that a little too fast?
- I'm gonna have to see your license.|- Oh, Lord.
You really think|we need to go that far?
I'm not even sure if it's in this car.|I might have left it in my other car.|It's a Benz.
Well, you better have it or I'm|gonna have to impound this car...
- and you and I are going|for a little ride.|- Where we going?
Here it is right here. You know,|Whitney Houston's my cousin.
JamalJeffries.|Who's JamalJeffries?
- That's me, Officer.|- That's you?
- Uh-huh.|- You expect me to believe that?
Well, it's true.
You see, the thing is--
I'm not armed.
I just recently had|a little operation.
You mean, one of those|operations where you--
- Uh-huh.|- So, you no longer have your--
- Uh-uh.|- And now you have a--
Yes.
- Get out of the car.|- Excuse me?
{y:i}- What is the problem?|- Out of the car.
Come on.
- Is there a problem, Officer?|- Step away from the vehicle.
- Away from the vehicle.|- I'm not gonna have|to spread any eagles?
Come on. Spin around.
- All right. How about this?|- All the way.
You look fabulous.|I'm having it done too.
I'm only about a thousand dollars away|right now. Who did you?
Well, whoever it was,|they did a great job.
I got my post-op outfit all ready|and waiting, hanging in my closet.
- It's got little ruffles on top.|- Excuse me. Thank you very much.
Officer, trust me. I believe you're|gonna look great when you get it done.
- But I'm really in a hurry.|I really need to go.|-Just forget the ticket.
- Well, thank you. Thank you so much.|- No, not at all.
- You're gonna look great.|- You think so?
- I know so. Turn to the side.|You're gonna look great.|- You think so?
Yes. Make sure they get those nose|hairs, especially on the left side.
{y:i}You're gonna look great. Thank you|{y:i}very much, Officer. You have a good day.
Juwanna, they're|double-teaming you every time.
If you don't start letting go of|the ball, I'm gonna sit your ass down.
- All right. Banshees on three.|One, two, three.|- Banshees!
Juwanna, remember what we|was working on back home?
Not now.|I'm in a zone, okay?
{y:i}Pass the ball.|{y:i}Pass the ball. Pass the ball!
- Pass the ball!|- Pass the ball!
- You ready to play? You ready?|-Juwanna!
Move back! Move back!
Yeah! That's what|I'm talking about.
Nice job,Juwanna!
Way to pass that|down, baby.
You my dog! You my dog!
Great shot. Great shot.
Great shot, Magda.|Good shot.
All right, get in here.|Listen up, ladies.
We're gonna run green,|penetrate left.
Squeeze.
A little breakdown,|go right...
and squeeze.
Let's win this thing.|On three.
One, two, three!
- Whoo!
Ladies, listen up.|I got a couple of things to say here.
First of all, uh...
you guys played|one hell of a game tonight.
I hope there's plenty more|where that came from.
For those of you who are new to the|Banshees, we have a little tradition.
- After every victory--
That's right--
we give away a game ball, and tonight it|should come as no surprise...
that the ball goes to...|Juwanna Mann.
{y:i}Yeah! Good game,|{y:i}Juwanna!
- Hey,Juwanna, kick it out. I'm open.
Thank you, guys.|I really do appreciate it.
Oh, look at her getting|all misty up in here.
{y:i}I really do. I mean it.
But I think that since Magda|actually made the winning shot...
I think I should|share this with her.
You share ball with me?
Oh, thank you,Juwanna.|Thank you.
- Oh, no, you don't have to--|- Thank you. Thank you.
Precious time. Let's shower up|and get the hell out of here.
Good job, ladies.
Nice work there.
It's just superstition.|Never take it off after a win.
Never take it off.
You was really getting|your game on tonight,Juwanna.
I have a feeling that we're gonna have|a really good season this year.
Oh, yes, we are.|Whoa! Look at you.
Isn't this cute?|I got it at Victoria's Secret.
Mm-hmm.
Whew. Well,|the secret's out.
{y:i}It's just perfect|{y:i}for the road,you know?
You can just keep it|comfy and simple.
Mm-hmm.|Comfy and simple.
Damn. I am so sore tonight.
- Really?|- Would you mind rubbing|a bit of this on my shoulders?
Oh! Mm-hmm.
- I'll be more than happy to. Yeah.|- Thank you, girl.
- Yes. All right.|We can do that for each other.|- Thank you.
We was really|balling tonight, huh?
- Mm-hmm.|- Such teamwork.
Mm-hmm.
Ooh. That feels good.
Yes, that was one...
velvety smooth game.
I just get so stiff sometimes|after the game. Do you?
- I'm starting to.|- Hmm?
I'm starting to get stiff|right here. Right there.
- It's catching up with you?|- Mm-hmm.
- Thanks, girl. I appreciate it.|- My pleasure.
- You want me to put|a little bit on you?|- Where? No.
I'm fine. I'm just cool.|I'lljust sit here and hit the old hay.
Good night, Mr. Romeo.
You just so fine.
{y:i}- Don't leave home without him, huh?|- You got that right.
He goes wherever I go.
You think Romeo takes your picture|when he goes on the road?
Hell, I'm sure of it. I glued it|to the inside of his suitcase.
I'm just saying, uh,|I know Romeo's a man...
and I do know men,|if you know what I mean.
All I'm saying is, girl,|I trust my man.
Do you love him?
{y:i}Look,Juwanna, I've never|{y:i}not had someone, and...
even with the doubts, which I'm|not gonna lie, there are some...
it's better than being alone.
I'm not so sure|about that, Michelle.
{y:i}Oh, wow.
Look at these tomatoes.|They're looking good, Aunt Ruby.
Uh-huh.|Hey, baby, how did it go?
It went great, Aunt Ruby. The game|was off the hook. I was off the hook.
They gave me the game ball.|And, Aunt Ruby...
I really think Michelle and I--|we're getting tight.
Oh! You like her,|do you?
Yeah, yeah.|Yeah, I think I do.
- And she likes you?|- Well, she will.
I just got to keep working it.|She just starting to get into me.
- Get into you.|- Yep.
Have you lost your mind?
- What?|- You a man posing as a woman.
She don't want you.|She wants a girlfriend.
The second she find out you got a extra|piece of equipment between your legs...
what you think|she gonna do?
Juwanna, I have been looking|all over for you.
We've got a table|right over there.
What's the matter?|You don't like my outfit, huh?
I told my girl|this Pebbles do--
- No, no, no, no, no.
- What?|- It's just-- You look|so beautiful tonight.
Thank you,Juwanna.|How sweet.
What do you mean, ”Thank you”?|What ever happened to ”Same to you”?
Oh. I'm sorry, girl.|Same to you. You looking good, girl.
- That's what I thought.|- Puff gonna love you in that dress.
- What? ”Puff'? I don't smoke.|- Puff. You remember.
Over there.|Romeo's friend?
{y:i}- You remember him. Look.|{y:i}- Oh, my Lord.
You did not just set me on a date|with that Carolina river cricket.
- I thought I was doing you a favor.|{y:i}- You call that a favor?
- He really likes you, girl.|- He can start liking somebody else.
- I'm up out of here.|-Juwanna, please don't leave.
I promised to Romeo|that I'd hook you guys up...
and it would really mean|a lot to me if you would stay.
Please. For me?
- Be nice. I found her.|- I'm gonna try my best.
- How you doing,Juwanna?|- How are you, Mr. Romeo?
Well, well, well.
- If it isn't Juwanna Mann.|- How you doing, little Puffy?
All good.
I have to admit you are|looking so hot tonight. Sss! Whew!
- Thank you.|- Let me ”ax” you something.
- What do you wanna ”ax” me?|- Did it hurt?
- Did what hurt?|- When you... fell from heaven.
Hallelujah!|It's called the bird. Watch the wings.
Let's have a seat.|Let's have a good evening, huh?
I got the chair.|Sit on--
Good evening, folks.|Would you like to hear the specials?
Don't wanna hear any specials.Just|get me a Cosmos, heavy on the vodka...
and just keep pouring 'em and|pouring 'em till your arms get tired.
- I'll have a glass of champagne, sir.|{y:i}- Hold up. Hold up.
My man, bring a bottle of your|best champagne for the table.
Have we decided on dinner|or do you need some more time?
- Don't need any more time.|- Ah, ah, ah. Stymie that.
That's when you|going country.
O-7-3-5-7!
The young lady wants|a fil-let mig-non.
You know, little hunk of meat,|little pink on the inside.
{y:i}- I'll have the, uh--
- I'll have the snapper.|- Girl, you on fire tonight.
I like it though.|I like it like that.
- I'm gonna run off|to the little ladies' room.|- I'd better go with you.
No, no, no.
- Well, the restroom's right back there.|- I can do this.
You know, that could|be us out there, right?
- Hey, hey, hey!
Back your ass up.
Yo, Puff, let me holler|at you for a second.
Yo, check it out.
Take the keys. Take my car.|Look like I'm gonna be kickin' it here.
You kids be safe,|if you know what I mean.
Funk.
Nice crib, young lady.
- You mind if I got something to drink?|- I ran out.
- How about if I use your bathroom?|- It's broken.
I'm mighty tired.|You mind if I crash on the couch?
Don't have one.
- You mind if I use the phone?|- Listen to me. My line's dead.
Just cut the crap.|You're not getting into my house.
You don't need to come into my house.|You don't need to use the bathroom.
You can't sleep on my couch. I don't|need you to checking for any burglars.
And I don't have any aspirins|for your fake headache.
I'll tell you what. You're not|getting inside of me or my house.
So you and little Puffy can just|get to steppin'. Get to steppin'.
- How about a little kiss?|- I ain't giving you no little-- Eew!
Giving you no little kiss.
All right, then, good night. But you|know I could use a little sugar. I--
That's what you can use.|That's exactly what you can use.
Well, I guess no means no.
You're just a big ol' man.|Now give me a big ol' hug.
Go right on over there.|Now, what is your name?
Jerry, you're gonna get one|”To My Friend Jerry.” There you are.
Juwanna Mann.|What's up?
Oh, my God.
{y:i}Aren't you getting dizzy?
We ain't been here six hours and already|you got some meat sending you flowers.
You move that fast on the court,|you'd be league MVP about now.
{y:i}Are you two done?|{y:i}'Cause they're not even for me.
They're for Miss Juwanna.
{y:i}{y:i}Ooh!
Give 'em here|before you wilt 'em.
Let's just see|who they from.
Can I read|my own card, Lizard?
Let's see now.|”Roses are red, violets are not...
Love, Puff Smokey Smoke.”
He's your mother's sister.
Oh,Juwanna.
Oh, please. Trust me.|Puffy's not my type.
Anybody who sends me roses|is definitely my type.
Hell, bitch, someone|passes you the salt, he's your type.
Lizard, that's cold.
I'm gonna tell you ladies|what my type is.
Somebody who sends you flowers|for no reason at all. You know?
{y:i}Just because|{y:i}it's Wednesday or whatever.
{y:i}And that's special.|{y:i}Yeah.
- That's the kind of guy you hold on to.|{y:i}- Well,you know what I like?
{y:i}I like it|{y:i}when a man tells you...
you're the most|beautiful girl in the world.
{y:i}-Aw, girl.|- Oh, Lord.
I hate to burst|your bubble, Mother Teresa...
but a man would tell you|anything to tap that ass.
{y:i}You got that right.
I'm gonna let you guys in|on a little secret.
It's not that I'm easy|or anything.
It's just you got|to trust me on this.
The key to men is breaking through|that little code they have...
{y:i}that little double-talk.
And what about when they take|a baby girl out to dinner...
talk about you can eat|whatever you want, money's no object?
All that means is, if I'm spending|this kind of money on your gut...
when I get home, I want some|of baby girl's-- That's all that is.
And y'all all know|the Mack Daddy line of them all.
Now, say it with me.|”I promise, baby...
I will call you tomorrow.”
- Amen, girl!|- Hallelujah!
And what about when some men like|to brag about the size of their manhood?
When we know it ain't the size of the|boat, baby, but the motion of the ocean.
Can I get a ”hallelujah”?
Can't get a ”hallelujah”?
What you talking about,Juwanna?|The size of the boat don't matter.
- I want the "Titanic."|- You got that right!
All right, ladies, listen up.|No practice today.
Cool! All right!
The team has|a new insurance policy...
so each one of you needs|to take a new physical.
Come on, y'all.|Let's go knock this out real quick.
Juwanna Mann?
When was your last period?
My last period.|Okay, I had a game three days ago...
and I played|the whole game.
- So two periods.|- Oh, no, no. You crack me up.
No, be serious.|Your menstrual period.
Oh. Oh. Um-- Um--
Menstruation period.|Let's see here.
Last Thursday. Yes, I think|I unplugged last Thursday.
And any signs of gonorrhea,|syphilis or chlamydia?
- Don't have any sisters.|Am I done yet, Doc?|- No, no, no.
I need for you to disrobe,|and I'll step right outside...
and I'll be back|in just a few minutes.
Excuse me. You want me|to take off everything?
Every little stitch.
{y:i}Miss Mann.
- Everything all right in there?|- I'll be right there, Doc.
Miss Mann.
I'm coming in, Miss Mann.
Bam! I must be|in the wrong locker room.
You can't go in there.|Mr. Daniels is a very busy man.
Who do you|think you are?
{y:i}Oh. Betty, it's okay.|{y:i}It's fine. Thank you.
Thank you very much, Betty.|Thank you, Betty.
Wow. A third career.|Where the hell do you find the time?
I'm telling you right now.
I'm through.|I'm finished with this. I'm out.
- I'm getting out.|{y:i}- Okay, all right.
Have you checked|with Juwanna on that?
I don't need to ask Juwanna.|I am Juwanna.
I just left a doctor who|was about five minutes away...
from a handful|of Juwanna's nuts.
All right. I just thought you|might wanna run it by her...
{y:i}because, well, considering all|{y:i}the offiers I've been flooded with.
I don't think you're hearing me.|What do you mean, ”offers”?
Reebok, Coca-Cola,|{y:i}Sports Illustrated for Women.
{y:i}Yeah, it turns out|{y:i}that Juwanna...
is every advertiser's|dream come true.
{y:i}She's easy|{y:i}to get along with...
{y:i}considerate of others,|{y:i}a real team player...
pretty much|everything you're not.
So, really, all you have|to do is jump on board...
with any one|of these advertisers...
{y:i}you'll be making more money as Juwanna|{y:i}than you ever dreamed of as Jamal.
You're not getting it.|You're just not getting it.
I don't care|about all that anymore.
Listen. I did this for one reason,|and I did it for one reason only.
I did it so JamalJeffries|can get back into pro ball, man.
I wanna be back with my team,|and that was it. That's it.
Then I'll tell you that the network|is pressuring the commissioner...
and you're probably|gonna get another hearing.
In the meantime, you might consider|taking advantage of the Juwanna train...
while the railroad|is still in business.
You might wanna stop worrying|about Juwanna so much...
and worry about Lorne, 'cause this|is about saving your career too.
Romeo.
My baby sleeping.
{y:i}- Romeo?
- That's my name, baby. That's my name.|- Romeo?
Hold on, baby.|I'm almost finished.
Romeo!
Who are you in my bed?|What are you doing in my house?
Baby, hold up.
It ain't me. Groupies.
Hel--
Hello.|-Juwanna, it's Michelle.
- I need to talk to you.|- Girl, why are you crying?
{y:i}I knew you wanted me. I knew it was just|{y:i}a matter of time, baby. What you want?
{y:i}Six, five, four...
{y:i}three, two, one.
Happy New Year!
You see that, Michelle? Being alone|doesn't mean you have to be lonely.
Juwanna, how come I couldn't see|what Romeo was doing behind my back?
It was probably the glare|off Puff Smokey's teeth.
I know. I know.
- It hurts like crazy now, sweetheart.|- Bad.
But you trust me.|You are so much better off.
I just hate being wrong.
Don't you go blaming yourself|for this. No, you don't.
You don't blame yourself|for that low-down dirty snake.
Sweetheart, some men just don't realize|what they've got till it's gone.
Now, you trust me.
One day he's gonna know.
Thanks.
Juwanna, you are|such a good friend.
That's why I like you,|'cause you just keep it real.
You know?|No perpetrating with you.
You're just you.
- Actually, Michelle,|there's something--|- And you know what else?
I'm gonna quit all|of this crying and trippin'...
and I'm just gonna move on.
- That's it. Move right on.|- Yeah. Let's have some more wine.
Michelle, I really need|to tell you something.
{y:i}I'm really hoping the playoffs|{y:i}can take my mind offi of things...
'cause you and the team are all|that I plan on focusing on right now.
'Cause we got a really good chance|of winning the championship this year.
Especially now,|since we got you, dog.

Jamal.|Okay, it's all set.
Between the network, the players' union|and my shameless groveling...
we got you a meeting|with the commissioner.
- That's great. What do I have to do?|-Just show up, be polite, smile.
Let me do all the talking,|pretty much like I'm doing now...
- and you're back in the league.|- Sounds good to me. When is it?
- Tomorrow, 3:00.|- Wait a minute, Lorne.
You know I can't make that. The Banshees|start the playoffs tomorrow.
Well, you know what? How about|if my office tapes the game for you?
Yeah, but they're|expecting Juwanna to play.
And I'm expecting|Juwanna to disappear.
We got a deal here.|What am I busting my ass for?
Come on now.|Understand, will you?
There's a lot|of people involved.
Yeah, Lorne,|including Juwanna.
There are a lot of people|counting on Juwanna too.
Jamal.
You're scaring me now|with this.
I just need|a minute, Lorne.
{y:i}The fans are filing in|{y:i}with great anticipation...
as the Charlotte Banshees|prepare to host game one...
of their WUBA playoff series|against the Houston Gallop.
Yo, has anybody|seen Juwanna?
Jeanne, this should really be|an exciting playoff series.
You're right, Chris. Even though these|two teams are pretty evenly matched...
most people expect the Banshees|to win the series.
But in order to do that, they're|gonna need a huge performance...
by their star player,|Juwanna Mann.
And we're gonna find out for real|when they tip it off|in just about 30 minutes.
- Hello.|- Hey, look.
It's me.
Can we, uh--|Can we reschedule the meeting?
No, we don't.|We're not rescheduling the meeting.
Let me make this|real clear for you.
You're not here in five minutes, you're|not gonna play in the league ever again.
This is it.|You understand me? Oh, really?
Yeah, I understand.
That was him.|He's on his way.
Nothing to worry about,|Mr. Commissioner.
What's it gonna be, boy?
You got to go somewhere.
{y:i}And now introducing|{y:i}the starting lineup...
{y:i}for your Charlotte Banshees!
- I tried calling her.|- I don't believe this.
- Where she at?|- I don't know.
You know what it is|I'm thinking? Traffic.
Yeah, it's, uh--
It's always--|Down, you know, here it's bad.
{y:i}Number 22...
{y:i}Juwanna Mann!
Hey. Where you been?
I had a friend|that had some problems.
- Now let's kick some butt.|- All right. Let's do this. Come on.
Let's get in here.|Huddle up.
I guess some things|never change.
No, you're wrong about that.
{y:i}The moment we've been waiting|{y:i}for is finally here.
We are underway.
Ball.
Go, girls! Yeah!
I've lost my mind!
- Way to go, Michelle.|- Good pass, baby. Good pass.
- Right here, baby. Right here.|- Move! Move! Move!
{y:i}Things remain tight here.|{y:i}The Gallop and the Banshees|{y:i}are playing equally so far.
{y:i}They've been trading basket for|{y:i}basket,yet the Gallop holding|{y:i}a slim lead for the moment.
{y:i}It's been that kind of game,|{y:i}but we should have a wild finish.
Juwanna Mann!|Juwanna Mann!
{y:i}With just nine seconds left,|{y:i}the Banshees are down by one.
{y:i}There's the steal. The ball|{y:i}is stolen by Juwanna Mann.
{y:i}Look at Juwanna Mann go.
{y:i}Could Juwanna Mann|{y:i}possibly slam-dunk this ball?
Yes! Yes!
{y:i}Whoo-hoo-hoo!|{y:i}Whoo-hoo!
Yes!
Yes.
{y:i}I can't believe what I'm seeing here.
It's Jamal Jeffries.
And that's|your play of the day.
It don't make me|no difference.
I still love you,|Juwanna Mann.
I love you,|Juwanna Mann!
{y:i}Juwanna Mann!
I love you,|even though I guess--
You're still a man.|I'm-- Does that make me a man?
Juwanna!
{y:i}Juwanna!
The hell|is happening to me?
Hold on, Michelle. I can explain,|all right? Just give me a minute.
Michelle.
{y:i}Michelle!
Damn.
In perhaps the most|bizarre sports story ever...
women's pro basketball star,|Juwanna Mann...
has turned out to be exactly|what her name implies-- a man.
He a sicko.|Straight-up sicko.
No comment. Excuse me.|No comment. Excuse me.
In my country, penis okay.
My mother have penis.
{y:i}The WUBA's Charlotte Banshees have fired|{y:i}Jamal Jeffries for posing as a woman.
{y:i}The WUBA's Charlotte Banshees have fired|{y:i}Jamal Jeffries for posing as a woman.
{y:i}The odd thing is,Jeffries is known|{y:i}for being a big playboy.
The team said they became suspicious|when they caught him hitting on himself.
{y:i}In fact--|{y:i}In fact, he could--
Since the opening tip, the Charlotte|Banshees really have been struggling.
{y:i}They have not looked|{y:i}very smooth offiensively here.
Jamal,Jamal,Jamal.
{y:i}I see you|{y:i}moping around.
I see you|down in the dumps.
I also see you ain't been|using no plates in this room.
You got yourself|quite a mess here.
I'll clean it up.
I'm not talking about this mess.|I'm talking about that mess.
{y:i}Sit up.
Scoot over.
It's no sense in crying|over spilt milk
Best thing to do is start|looking for a paper towel.
You hear me?
Huh?
- Next.|- Damn.
It appears the Banshee fans|{y:i}are just as disheartened as the players.
{y:i}Well, Chris, I would|{y:i}absolutely have to agree with you.
{y:i}And unlike the Gallop, this Phoenix Web|{y:i}team, they have a lot of game.
{y:i}The Banshees need|{y:i}to turn this around now.
Otherwise, they are gonna get blown out|and they will not advance to the finals.
Brought my A-game today.
{y:i}Let's pick it up, guys.
{y:i}Can you handle that? Second half.|{y:i}That's what I wanna see.
What's the matter|with you guys? Huh?
Coach, face it. We're never gonna get|to the championship without Jamal.
That's not true.
What you doing here?|This is the ladies' locker room, pe"rv".
I just wanna talk|to you guys, all right?
{y:i}- Oh, please.|{y:i}- You ain't got nothing to say.
{y:i}All right, ladies, hold up.
{y:i}I think we're letting Mr.Jeffries offi|{y:i}a little easy by throwing him out.
Let's listen|to what he has to say.
I think we all|wanna hear this.
Guys, look, uh...
I messed up, all right?
What I did it was--
it was wrong,|it was selfish...
and I'm--
I'm truly sorry.
{y:i}When I first got here,|{y:i}I got to tell you...
I thought women's basketball|was a big joke.
{y:i}Hell, I thought anything that wasn't|{y:i}about Jamal Jeffries was a big joke.
Turns out|the joke was on me.
That's because I thought that the most|important thing about basketball...
was being a star.
{y:i}That's until you guys taught me|{y:i}the only way to truly shine...
was to be a part of a team.
So if you guys|wanna hate me...
and Lord knows|I understand you if you do.
But you're gonna have|to hate me after the game...
{y:i}because you guys never|{y:i}needed me to win this...
and you don't need me now.
I needed you.
So come on. Go win it.
And, Latisha.
Your game is on.
Keep an eye out for Magda.|She's getting open in the post.
{y:i}I don't know what happened|{y:i}in that locker room at halftime...
{y:i}but the Banshee team is playing|{y:i}with tremendous emotion.
{y:i}-Somehowthey've been rejuvenated.|{y:i}- Well, Chris,you're right.
{y:i}This is like a completely different|{y:i}team. What an amazing turnaround.
Don't look now, but the Banshees|might actually get to the big show.
We're winners!
Dear Michelle--
{y:i}Just 'cause it's Wednesday.
The fans dese"rv"e to have|a true basketball star...
and a future role model|finish his career on top.
{y:i}Please believe me when I tell you|{y:i}that Mr.Jeffries is a changed man.
And I say that,|not only as his agent...
but as his friend too.
{y:i}Mr.Jeffries, after hearing|{y:i}the very sincere...
and impassioned plea|from your representative...
{y:i}I must say that|{y:i}I am still left rather unimpressed.
{y:i}You have not only disgraced|{y:i}our men's pro league...
{y:i}but the women's|{y:i}pro league as well.
{y:i}This is|{y:i}a closed hearing.
With all due respect, sir, and on|behalf of the Charlotte Banshees...
we in no way feel that JamalJeffries|has disgraced our league.
and he is certainly|paying the price for that.
- But we forgive him.|- No doubt, no doubt.
We feel|that you should too.
We want you|to have this,Jamal.
I'm convinced. I think|they've made their point.
We out of here, y'all.
{y:i}And now, returning|{y:i}for his second year at starting guard...
{y:i}the only man who has played|{y:i}in both the men's...
{y:i}and women's professional|{y:i}basketball leagues...
{y:i}North Carolina's own...
{y:i}Jamal Jeffries!
- Hey, you, you!|- What, man?
That's not a keg. You know|how much this stupid thing costs?
What does it matter to you?|The bank owns it now an"yw"ay.
The bank?|The bank owns this?
- Yeah.|- Oh, really?
The bank's got a dustpan in the kitchen.|Maybe you need to get that too.
What's up, baby? Yeah.|You look like an angel in this light.
- Give it to me.|- Mark.
Yo, man, what's up?|I just saw you on the television, man.
That movie was the flyest.|You did like this.
You do it like this. Oh, yeah.|You went like this. I was like--
- Oh, you don't have to--|- Thank you. Thank you.
Okay, Magda.
You done woke up Lil' Puff.|I'm gonna wrap it around it. Watch this.
- Hey, hey, hey!|- Riding it. Ride it, cowboy! Rawhide!
I like it rough.
- Aunt Ruby-- Aunt Ruby, please.|- Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm.
- You got to get on the floor, boy.|- Oh, shit. So sorry.
- Get your ass on that floor.|- So sorry.
Do that walk I taught you.|Aw, shit.
- Lorne, just feel them for me.|- Why?
- I just want you to feel them.|- Oh, man, those are good.
That looks good|on you, baby.
- Yes. Yes. Yes.|- No.
Oh, my God.|Lorne, not you too.
JFK
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