
Cant Hardly WaitClick here to download subtitles file for the movie "Cant Hardly Wait"Click here to download the movie "Cant Hardly Wait"Relevant Links:Don't Wait UpJust Can't Wait You Just Wait & See So I Wait Wait Wait And See More Links:Oh, my God. Matt. Vicki just told me|about this huge party tonight. - No way. Where?|- Dude, there's a huge party tonight. - Cool. We crashin'?|- No, man. We're just goin'. - I heard about this party tonight.|- Did you hear about that party, man? Oh, my God. Did you hear?|Mike totally dumped Amanda. I just heard Mike Dexter|and Amanda Beckett broke up. Just broke up with Amanda.|Like, seconds ago. What? That was totally my idea. Tell me we'll never break up. You're there. I'm there. - Everybody's there.|- We're there ! I've had a library book out|since the third grade. I got caught.|I'm going to community college. My gown smells like blue cheese. - So whose party is it?|- The girl from our French class. - Whose party is it?|- That girl in our gym class. - Oh, the one with the thighs?|- No, the one with the weird-- - You joined the army?|- Yeah. Serve my country, man. - You know, they shave your head!|- What? - I just feel so sorry for Amanda.|- You are so full of crap. Hey, dude, did you hear?|I'm naked under my gown. Yeah, I heard that. How about that party?|It's gonna be huge! Heard that too. Oh, then I guess you heard|about Mike dumpin' Amanda. - Wait. What did you say?|- Where have you been, man? Mike Dexter broke up|with Amanda Beckett. This is so perfect. Amanda Beckett is single|and on the night of this party-- a party I'll be attending,|a party she'll be attending. It's all falling into place.|It's like it's fate. What? I thought we weren't|even going to this party. Don't you wanna keep your tassel?|For $5.00, you can keep your tassel. Yeah, then I can press it in between|my yearbook with my prom corsage. What? Nothing. I mean, nice to tell me|that you changed your plans. You're only leaving tomorrow,|but, you know, whatever. Denise, Amanda and I have to finish|what we started four years ago. Do you know what your problem is?|It's like you're afraid to move forward. I mean, Preston,|we are so outta here. Now why do you wanna go|to this party tonight and look back? Don't look back.|You should never look back. Dudes, I actually graduated! - Unless you're that guy.|- I'm all right. Look, all I'm saying is... Amanda and I are connected. We have been, ever since the first day|that she came to school. Oh, God. Here we go. It was October, freshman year. First fime in history|thaf I'd ever missed the bus. If I had arrived on time,|I never would have seen her. But as it was, I was the first person|at Huntingfon Hills High... to set eyes on Amanda Becketf. It was her first day at school. Then I'm sitting in class,|enjoying a late breakfast... when suddenly, out of all the classrooms|in the entire school... she walks into mine. And where does the teacher sit her? Right nexf to me. Now up until now, one could|write this off to coincidence... but then... she reached into her bag... and pulled out|a strawberry Pop Tart... the very same breakfast pastry|that I was consuming at that moment. What was I to do?|How was I to proceed? Who would like to volunteer|to give Amanda a tour of the school? - I will.|- Mike Dexter. That's where I lost her. I had a clear shot, and I hesitated. But fate's finally giving me|a second chance. Well, have fun tonight... and be sure to tell everyone|how much I'll miss them. You're not gonna go?|I can't believe you're not gonna go. Why would I go? What else are you gonna do tonight? I can't believe|I'm going to this party. I can't believe|he broke up with her. I can't believe|you broke up with her, man. Well, it's like I always say-- - But Amanda is so hot, man.|- So hot, man. Yeah, I guess,|for a high school girl. Guys, we're gonna be in college soon.|You know who's gonna be in college? Girls that used to be in high school. Women. College women. Women with no curfew,|women on the pill, and women-- Women, brol|We're starin' into the future, here! And the future is women. Huh, women. Maybe we should break up|with our girlfriends too. That would be sweet. We'd have|the whole summer to hang out together. Party and get with every chick|in sight, man... without our lame-ass girlfriends|hanging around us. - Yeah, man. They suck!|- That's what I'm sayin'. - They suck!|- That's what I'm sayin'! You're right, Dex, man. - Beth, kiss my ass!|- Yes, baby! Yesl This is brilliant, man.|Such a good idea. - Mike Dexter's a god.|- Mike Dexter's a role model ! Mike Dexter is an asshole. For the past decade,|he has made a hobby of my pain. Witness exhibit "A":|My eighth grade science project-- a working rain forest... that Mike threw out|a third floor window. It rains here no more. Witness exhibit "B":|An eye patch I wore for a month... after Mike beaned me|with a raisin in home ec. My parents took me|to a 3-D film festival. I saw no third dimension. And of course,|how can I forget the pudding incident? I know no one else has. Well, gentlemen, tonight|Mike Dexter will know humiliation. Tonight, Mike Dexter|will know ridicule. Tonight is the night|we fight back. Tonight is our independence night. Hello?|Get this off your head. You're actin' like-- Look,|maybe we should go over the plan again. All right.|We will set up... behind the pool house,|right there. This is me,|you are Grand Moff Tarkin... and you are Boba Fett. -Wait. How come he gets to be Boba Fett?|-Really, it doesn't matter. All right, fine. You're Boba Fett,|you're Grand Moff Tarkin. - I don't wanna be Grand Moff Tarkin.|- All right. You know what? Fine. You're both Kiss dolls.|You set up here. Now, I will lead Mike|and one of his random jock friends... behind the pool house to here... and here... where you two will be waiting. You jump down on them,|rendering them unconscious... with the chloroform|that we mixed in chem lab. Then we strip off|said jocks' clothes... and take Polaroids of them|in a lurid, naked embrace. Geez, do you think|there'll be any girls there? Are you kidding me?|People may even be having sex tonight. Yo, I gotta have sex tonight. I mean, peep this.|They say in here... 92% of honeys at UCLA|are sexually active. 92% of women in Los Angeles|at UCLA walking around goin'... "Class or sex?|What shall I do?" 92%, yo!|You know what that means, don't you? That means I gots a 92`%` chance|of embarrassing myself. I roll up on that shortie, like,|"What's up, yo?" She be like, "You don't know 20 ways|to make me call you Big Papa." - 'Cause I don't, yo.|- Rest in peace. What's up, man? - Who be the lucky honey?|- Yo, I ain't decided yet, right. But I figure all the bitches|in the class gonna be at this party. You know, I gots to give 'em all|an equal opportunity to Special K. It took me all day,|but I narrowed it down... to a list of ten|very lucky finalists. - You know what I'm sayin'?|- Well, what's up, man? - You wanna see? Check this out.|- Yeah. Observe. The love kit. Oh, damn, man.|Our boy's a fag, yo. - Who's a fag?|- Yo, both of y'all. That is a fragrance|of love-scented candle, bitch. Damn. Yo, you actually think|you're gonna hit this party... packin' a pleasure chest|and some girl's just gonna give it up? Watch me, G. Wait. I have the letter. You're not gonna give her|the letter. Why wouldn't I give her the letter? Preston, because you haven't had|the chance to revise it... for the four billionth time. All great writers revise. What-- Dear Amanda... Now that you're finally single... I can finally give you|this sappy love letter... that I never had the guts to give you|during all four years of high school. - Listen to this.|- What? This is Barry Manilow. Yeah, I know. Why do we have a radio station on|that plays Barry Manilow? - Just listen to the words, Denise.|- Oh, Mandy Amanda. Mandy. Aman-- Mandy's short for Amanda. That's it. That's my sign. I hate to interrupt this alternate|universe you've wandered into here... but, like, I hear that song's|about his dog. It's not about a dog.|It's about a woman named Amanda. Who the hell|names their dog Amanda? My cousin named her dog Samantha. Look, shut up about the dog, okay? - You came and you gave without faking|- That's my sign. That is totally my sign.|Consider me ready. Hi! Oh, my God, you guys.|Come on in. Oh, don't let the dog out. Oh, Susan,|you look so cute. Oh, hi, Ray. Oh, and the drinks are in the back,|okay? Oh, Preston. I'm so glad you came,|and you brought a friend. Hi. No, it's okay. Just come on in.|Just, you know, drink, be happy. Preston Meyers. Not one step further|until you sign my yearbook. I'm gonna be the first|Huntington Hills student... to get all 522 seniors to sign. - My, how ambitious of you.|- Don't think you're not signing either. I saved a special space|for you to sign in the back. Why didn't you get|your senior portrait taken? Specifically to avoid moments|like this one, actually. Thanks. You too.|Go, Huntington ! I almost fell out of my dress! Let's go, boys. Time is honey. Ah, yeah ! Cool, a key party, bro. You look so pretty.|Oh, Christie. Jessica,|thank you for coming. Kenny. - What's up?|- Come on in. Hi. Wait. You guys, no one can go|in the fancy room, okay? I mean, seriously, my parents|are coming home on Sunday. - Kenny Fisher, sign my yearbook.|- No, thanks. No time. Come on. Where's your school spirit?|Go, Hot Dogs! - Bitch, get a life!|- Ah, yeah ! We got a mad town|up in this mother. Yo, shorties gonna be|linin' up to get with me. Yo, check it.|Time to get busy. Hey, yo, you think he's gonna|hizzit the skizzins? Yo, man, that boy|ain't got no skills, man. Watch out, guys.|Coming through here. Hey, yo, white boy.|You better check yourself, man. This is our first show ever.|Don't screw it up. Yeah, look, dude. I heard Carol Brawner|invited her cousin tonight. And the word is,|his brother's roommate... knows a guy|who knows a scout in L.A. - Shut up.|- Yeah. Thank God we got these T-shirts|printed, huh? Yeah. Check 'em out. Okay, we're gonna rendezvous here|at 0030 hours, all right? Wait, William.|There's gonna be drinking in there. - Yeah? So?|- So what are you gonna do? They're gonna kick you out|if you don't drink. Well, I will be drinking. - But, William, you could get drunk.|- You could get addicted. No. It's okay. Look. I downloaded this little baby|off the net. I will know exactly how many spirits|I may imbibe... without affecting my judgment|or my behavior. Wow. You've got every angle covered. You know, William,|from this light... you somewhat resemble|David Duchovny. William, trust no one. I am a sex machine! Steve, make him say somethin' else. Would you like to touch my penis? Huntington Hills High,|kiss my assl Mike Dexter,|you have to sign my yearbook. Which team has the winning play|Hunfington, Hunfington, hey, hey-- There they are. Come on. I missed you so much ! I haven't seen my boyfriend|in six hours. How you doin', girls? Dudes, remember the game plan. What game plan? Right. Exactly. Uh-- Look, Beth, we need to talk. In fact, we all need to talk. - Right, guys?|- Oh, my God. I can't believe she came. Guys? You guys. There she is. I think you made|a real connection there. Oh, hey, guys. - Hi.|- How are you? Are you okay? - Now look what you've done.|- Maybe we should go talk to her. Totally. She looks destroyed. Suicidal. All right. Looks like someone's auditioning|for "Soul Train." - Do you have to rag on everybody?|- Oh, come on. His wardrobe alone|leaves him open for public mockery. I'm not the one that used|to spend the night at his house. That was the fourth grade. Wanna talk|about your friends in the fourth grade? So do you see her?|Where'd she go? She's right there. - God!|- What? She didn't see me. - I can't believe you pointed at her.|- She didn't see me. - Are you hyperventilating?|- No, I'm centering myself. - I'm harnessing my chi.|- Your what? I'm harnessing my chi.|Don't laugh at me. - Were you this weird when we went out?|- Were you this bitchy when we went out? I'm trying to think. Yeah, I was a bitchy eighth grader|for that whole week, actually. - What's up, Pres?|- Hey. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna go do it right now. Are you gonna be okay? Yeah. I'll get a ride home|from somebody else. - You sure?|- Yeah. Go. Seriously, guys.|I'm over it. Really. What? Nothing. Sorry. It's just-- Well, he is the most dope guy|in school. Yeah, and school's over. Anyway, I mean,|who does he think he is, Brad Pitt? Seriously,|and you're, like, Gwyneth. Seriously, you know|he regrets breaking up with her. You know what?|That's really sweet. - But I think I'm gonna--|- No, we mean it. - You are so Gwyneth !|- Totally Gwyneth, but prettier! Totally prettier,|but with bigger boobs. - Totally bigger boobs.|- Way bigger. You know what? I think I'm gonna|go outside and get some fresh air. But he's no Brad. He is not even Brad|in "Twelve Monkeys"... when he had that weird eye,|and he was all dirty. Girlfriend, Mike Dexter doesn't even|deserve to breathe the same air as Brad. - No, he doesn't.|- Mike Dexter is an asshole. An asshole! All right. You know what?|I don't really want to talk about this. Okay, I don't think|she's prettier than Gwyneth. Not even. All right. This is it. If is finally time|for Kenny Fisher to become the man. Now I done my laps... and all ten finalisfs|are presenf and accounted for. Ten lovely ladies, yo.|Each one af my disposal. Ten willin' and able four guides|into the theme park of love. Buf who will if be? Which of you gorgeous fen|will be the lucky one? Hey, yo, Corinne, baby.|What's up? Nine. Which of you gorgeous nine|will be the lucky one? Excuse me. Sorry. My fault. My fault. Sorry. Uh, excuse me? Is this the beer? What the hell|does it look like, ass wipe? Yeah. Sorry. - Do you want one?|- Yes, of course. It's terrible!|Nobody drink the beer! The beer has gone bad! - Tastes like beer to me.|- Yeah, me too. Mine's great. Yo, Ashley.|Damn, you look beautiful. - Thanks.|- Yo, check this. I was reminiscin' today. I was thinkin'|about that time in seventh grade. We was all playin' spin the bottle|at Lynn Eckert's house, remember? - I guess.|- Yeah. Well, you and me, we never did|get that kiss, right? But I had this mad flashback|that you were starin' at me all night. Kind of giggling with your girlfriends.|You remember that? Oh, I do remember that.|You were eating Chee-tos. - Yeah.|- And that orange stuff was all stuck... in your braces and nobody|wanted to tell you. So you just kept on eatin' 'em.|Oh, my God! Lynn and I thought|that was the funniest thing. - Lynn, come over here!|- What? Oh, my God. I'm tellin' little Kenny how|we used to call him "Chester Chee-tos." What are you laughin' at? Cheetah. - Oh, bye, Chester.|- Good-bye, Chester. Yo, use me for my body, baby. Come on, baby. Yeah. What's up, ladies? Yo, Jana, you wanna dance? I'm allergic. Allergic? To dancin'? Yeah. - Hey, I want you to have this.|- Oh, thank you. I heard that Mike broke up with her|a year ago... and she has been paying him $50 a month|to act like they're still together. - Uh, pathetic.|- It's so pathetic. Preston Meyers?|Dude, what's goin' on, man? I'm so glad I got a chance to see you.|I know you're leaving tomorrow. - I'm gonna miss you, man, you know.|- It's okay, man. Don't worry about it. I was totally remembering the time|we were in the seventh grade... and we mashed up our food|on our lunch trays... and you paid me a dollar to eat it,|and I did. - It was the best!|- Good time. Hey, how ya been? Hey, and what about that time|during softball practice... when Ricky Feldman hit that line drive|and it hit you right in your nuts? That was the funniest, man.|I just don't know what to say about it. You remember the time on the field trip|to the meat packing plant... and you, like, threw up|all in your book bag? - That wasn't me.|- Bull corn! Remember? Because you tried to leave the bag|on the bus so no one would see it. But then Vice Principal Billard|took it around to all the classes... to see who it was, and I was, like,|"Wasn't that your bag?" And you were, like, "No."|And I was, like, "I think it is, dude." - Hi, Ron.|- Hi. Are you okay? - I just heard you and Mike broke up.|- Yeah. Yeah. Well, I just can't believe|you didn't tell me. - I mean, after all, we're family.|- Second cousins. You know, exactly.|We should be able to talk about these-- I was like, "Dude, you're never|gonna get that smell out of there." Hey, I got one for ya. Remember that time when I was about|to talk to that beautiful girl... and you started telling me|all these asinine stories? Remember that? Huh? Gee, that's funny|'cause it just happened! Yo, man.|I'm never gonna forget this. Hey, man. See if I contact you|for the reunion. It's all about the memories, man.|All about the memories. Hey, who wants to go|in the hot tub with us? - Hey, yo, G. What's up?|- Hey, what's up, man? Yo, shouldn't you be gettin'|your freak on by now? I'm just flossin' while those two 'hos|over there scratch it out... over who gets to knock the boots|with me, you know what I'm sayin'? - Yeah.|- What two 'hos, man? I don't see no 'hos, Kenny. - Yo, what, you callin' me a liar?|- Hey, yo, why you shovin', cracker? You better recognize, fool. Why y'all gotta waste|my flavor? Damn ! Dude, can I talk to you|for a second? Hey, Mike.|What's up, man? What's goin' on?|Did ya do it? - Come on.|- Mike. Look, man. I don't know, man. You see, Rachel's parents|are away, right? So she was kinda thinkin' that maybe|we can spend the night, you know? What about the game plan, man?|You promised. See, it's just that Rachel's parents,|they have mirrors. Above the bed, dude.|I'm gonna be like this. Look. All right. I get the picture.|You know what? I'm gonna go see what the other guys|are doin'. Maybe they got some balls. Um, weren't you in my language lab? Yeah, I was. See, I told you guys|she went to our school. Pay up. Anybody order a love burger,|well done? One, two-- Whoa! What is that? It's one of our shirts, man.|I'm wearin' it for publicity. Those are for the fans. You don't wear|the shirt of the band you're in. I think it's cool.|Throw me one. - We don't throw him one.|- Hey, look. If they get to wear the shirts,|maybe I should wear the hat. You guys suck! - What the hell is that?|- A hat. Take off the hat. - No.|- Take it off. Look, you come in here lookin' like the|white artist formerly known as Prince. - Listen, here, Hootie.|- Hootie? You look like LeStat. Oh, my God! See? That's why I said|no smoking in the house! Oh, wait. Is that poop? Someone have poop on their shoe? Oh, my God. - Someone has poop on their shoe!|- Watch it! And then I heard... that he slept with some sophomore. That pig!|What are you gonna do? Beat him at his own game. I am gonna hook up|with someone at this party... and hope that Jason finds out. - Wait. With who?|- Who cares? The next guy who hits on me. No. Hell, the next guy|who talks to me. Wipe out. I, uh-- Yo, I must have died|and gone to heaven... 'cause I see an angel sittin'|right in front of me. Are you cryin'? Oh, no, baby, please!|You are far too fine to look so sad. - Yeah, sure.|- Come on. Don't be like that. It breaks my heart|to see you this way. You tell Special K what he can do|to make you feel better. Come to the pool house with me? Of course I will. Anything for you, baby. Could you just wait right here. I'll be right back. I promise. He'll do. All right. Bathroom, pee,|underarm check, Breath Assure-- Yo, hold up.|Do I put on a jimmy hat now or-- Nah, that ain't gonna work. Damn! Yo, they're out of toilet paper. - Wait, Jen! Wait for us!|- Oh, I gotta go! - Oh, don't you hate that?|- Oh, wait! Don't lock it! - Let's go pee in the pool.|- All right. What the hell is this? Is there another bathroom upstairs? 'Cause the line in there is really long,|and I gotta go. No one's allowed upstairs, okay?|Who did this? I think I saw that|foreign exchange student... walkin' around|with a black Magic Marker. - That little foreign guy?|- Yeah. So, the ba-- You can go upstairs,|but just you. Thanks. All right. And don't close the door all the way|because it's sort of broken. Damn! You the man, Kenny! Here we go. Yo, this ain't gonna-- Yeah. I can do-- Damn ! She's gonna think I got|that premature evacuation. Damn ! Damn! Dudel These brownies suck! I don't wanna waste this. I better double bag it.|I don't know where that girl been. Shut that door! - No, I mean, get out!|- Yeah, I'm trying to! - Get outl|- I can't! Move, woman ! Look what I got now!|I got the-- Look, I am telling you... that patch of sky right over there|above those power lines... is like a superhighway|of U.F.O. activity. I wonder how William's doin'|at the party. I hope he isn't having|any trouble blendin' in. Wasn't there somethin'|I was supposed to do tonight? I can't feel my legs.|I have no legs! Can I talk to you|for a second, man? Well, did you do it or what? Man, we will. I promise. But her dad got us all tickets|to see Pearl Jam. So we're gonna do it|after the concert. I thought Beth can kiss your ass.|Come on. Mike, sometimes we say things|we don't mean. - Well, when's the concert?|- August. You guys suck. - But they're really good seats.|- We're gonna deal with it eventually! If you ask me, I never really saw|you two together in the first place. Yeah. You and me both. - What?|- Well, I know why I started dating him. I just don't know|why I did it for so long. It's just-- God, at first,|it was all so unbelievable. And, I mean,|at my old junior high school... I was always just this little,|well, nobody. And then I came to Huntington|freshman year... and Mike Dexter|wanted to date me. And all of the sudden,|I was, like, "Little Miss Popular." I know it sounds lame,|but it felt good. It's the first time I'd ever felt cool|in my whole life. Please. It was the first time|I'd ever had a boyfriend. I don't understand.|I mean, what happened? Nothing. See, that's the problem because Mike|is the same guy now he was then. You know, mooning the guy|at the drive-through window... giving the underclassmen wedgies. Yeah. I've heard he does that. So why didn't you just,|you know, break up with him? 'Cause I was, um... scared of being alone. Mike and I went out|for, like, four years. You know, that's, like, forever. And if I'm not Mike's girlfriend,|you know, who am I? Nobody knows me as anything else. I don't think I know me|as anything else. Look... I don't know about you... but I really believe... that there's one person|out there... for everybody. That's what this is about. It's not just|some sappy love letter telling her... how my heart stops|every time that I see her. It's in there, but-- It's not just to tell her how I think|she's more than the homecoming queen... or Mike's girlfriend or... how there's this really|amazing person inside of her... that no one even bothers to see. It's in there, too, but... what it's really about... is how she should just|give me a chance. Just one chance. Maybe we could find out if there's|a reason for all of this-- why she's not with Mike tonight... and after four years,|I'm still here with this letter. Maybe we could find out|what that reason is. You know... it's time to find out. I think I'm ready to do this. Finally. Any words of encouragement? Would you like to touch my penis? I am a sex machine. No one can hear us. - Are you satisfied?|- Woman, this is all your fault. Bargin' in here|like a freakin' moose, all-- Really? Well, if I'd known|you were gonna be in here... half-naked, pleasuring yourself|or whatever-- -Don't touch that.|-I definitely would have gone elsewhere. - I was gettin' my shit ready.|- Your "shit." Yeah, 'cause for your information... there is a supermad honey|downstairs just waitin'. She is dyin'|to have sex with me. Oh, Jason, I never should|have believed those rumors. - Let's never fight again.|- Oh, never, baby. - Hey, Carl.|- Hey, Preston. What's up, man? - How are ya?|- All right. - Have you seen Amanda Beckett?|- Yeah. I just saw her in there. Hey. Did you hear|Mike Dexter broke up with her? I'm thinkin' about askin' her out.|It's time to get freaky! Thanks for listening.|God, I got to be prom queen... and now I want people|to feel sorry for me too? - I should just shut up.|- No. It's okay. I mean, you know,|you need someone to listen. Thanks. Amanda, I feel really|close to you now. - What are you doing?|- Oh, well, I care about you. Oh, will you get off? - Come on. It's okay, baby!|- That is disgusting! Come on. You were practically|begging me for it. That is not what I was saying. And you're my cousin ! - Through marriage.|- Whatever! You're sick! Shit. You're not gonna tell|my parents about this, are you? - You see the salt on this pretzel?|- Yes. Look at the stars. Now some people,|they say the stars are... billions and billions|of tons of hot gas. But I think maybe|it's just God's salt. And God's just waitin' to eat us. Have I got some news for you. Really? What's that? That I recently became single. And? Well, I just remember Jeff Gurner|sayin' a little somethin' about... you girls thinkin' I was|the hottest senior in school. Yeah. And I remember Jeff Gurner|saying that... you told him we were "skanky." He told you that? Okay. See you later. Hey, isn't this the weekend... that you're supposed to meet|your girlfriend from the internet? Yeah, but she has|some photo shoot in Fiji... for a catalog or something. - Oh, man. That sucks.|- Yeah. I guess that's just the price you pay|for dating Christie Turlington. This song goes ouf to Hope|from her boyfriend Ken. If's about love. Love hurfs Love scars Love wounds Maybe somebody threw it out.|You don't throw away a yearbook! You're supposed|to cherish it forever. Oh, thank God. Look at you. Trisha, sign my yearbook! - Oh, I stepped in guml|- Come on. We're already late. Yuck! Cuts to the left, decks the crap|out of the wing and boom! Open net! Scores! Yeah! Does that feel good? Damn, woman. Why you gotta be|such a ragin' bitch? Oh, please. Listen to you.|Look. There's a mirror right there. Why don't you take a look, okay?|You're white! What's that supposed to mean? - I don't always talk like that.|- Oh, I guess you're okay, then. What about you, huh?|What about you, Miss Antisocial? Miss Walkin' Around, Just, I Think|I'm So Much Better Than Everybody Else. I do not think|I am better than anybody. Anyway, what do you care|what I think about you, okay? You pretty much haven't spoken to me|since sixth grade. Hey, you stopped speakin' to me. - Okay. Whatever.|- Damn, you got no-- You have no idea|what you're talkin' about. You don't even know me anymore. Yes, I do.|I know exactly who you are. You're Kenny Fisher|who used to play-- We used to play "Miami Vice"|in my basement. You used to sleep over my house. You had|to leave the hall light on every night. You're Kenny Fisher who used to buy me|a card every Valentine's Day... and a bag of those little hearts|with the words on 'em. Geez. You're Kenny Fisher who got too cool|to hang out with me in junior high... 'cause I was in|all the smart classes... and 'cause my parents|didn't make a lot of money... and 'cause you desperately needed to sit|at the trendy table in the cafeteria. What the hell happened? She's not supposed to be with somebody|else. She's supposed to be with me. I mean, there was even|that song on the radio. Wasn't that a sign? Unless Denise was right.|Maybe that song was about a dog. Well, what was I supposed to do then,|go ouf and buy a dog? No. If had to be a sign. It's not like you hear the song|"Mandy' on the radio every day. I haven't heard that song|in, like, ten years. And since today|is Barry Manilow's birthday... we'll be playing "Mandy" every hour|on the hour here at Mellow 103. - Thank you very, very much.|- And as a special treaf for you... we'll have the Man-ilow himself|fo answer your quesfions... Iive on the phone from|his sold-ouf concerf in Tokyo. So if you've got a question|for the man who "wrifes the songs"... get to the phone and call in now. Excuse me. Are you gonna be long?|I just need to make one call. Oh. There's two other phones. Yeah. They're broken. - I just put my money in.|- It's sort of an emergency. - Look. It won't take long.|- My car broke down and I need to call-- - Shh! Wait.|- A cab. - Hello? Yeah, Mellow 103?|- Hello, 103. - You're on the air.|- Finally. Listen... I have a really important question|for Barry Manilow. - Barry's listening.|- In that song "Mandy"-- Hello? Why did you do that? Wait a second. Lady, I was-- I was talking to somebody! No! You don't just hang up! - Rapid Cabs.|- Hi. I need a cab, please. - I'm at Johnny's on the boulevard.|- Who are you? I was-- - I'm an angel.|- I had so-- Okay, I'm done now. You don't just hang up|on somebody's call like that. I think my emergency was just|a little bit larger than yours, junior. How the hell do you know? You have no idea how long-- This is great.|This is just, just great. This is officially the worst night|of my entire life. Thank you very much. Try having 40 drunk men|grabbing your ass... one groom-to-be|throwin' up all over you... and then have your car break down|at 2:00 a.m.... and then you can talk to me|about havin' a bad night, okay? - You're a stripper?|- I'm a dancer. An angel stripper. Oh, I'm the weirdo. You're the one calling Barry Manilow|from a phone booth at 2:00 a.m. You're right. I'm a total loser. No, wait. I'm sorry. Great.|Like I could feel any worse. That's the most disgusting thing|I've ever seen! What is wrong with you people? Do you know who Preston Meyers is? Duh. He only sat right next to you|in freshman English. But I guess|you wouldn't remember that. Why would Amanda Beckett pay attention|to a unique spirit like Preston... or even a unique spirit like me,|for instance? Maybe it's because|she's just a little too busy... ordering around her little|conformist flock of sheep. Sheep! You are all sheep. Hey, Luke doesn't push Vader. Well, he should've.|I mean, the guy cut his hand off. Those were our only flashlights. Oh, yeah. Geez. - It's kinda dark up here.|- Yeah. You know what? This is just like|that Scott Baio thing. When I was 16, I had|the biggest thing for Scott Baio. You don't have to sit here|and go through-- Scott Baio? I said I was 16. I mean, this went back|to the "Happy Days" years... not to mention|"J oanie Loves Chachi." God, I hated her. Joanie. See, I always knew|that somehow... I'd meet him. Like if I wanted it bad enough,|I could make it happen. And it did... right after his first season|of "Charles ln Charge." He was doing this mall tour,|and he came here to our mall. It was like everything|was finally falling into place. - You know, like it was--|- Fate. Yeah! So I went, you know. And he had this red bandanna... 'cause, you know, Chachi|always wore that red bandanna. And I waited there outside. And I was the first person|when he pulled up. He got out of that car-- He was so beautiful. And he looked right at me. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't say anything.|I couldn't move. I never even talked to him,|and he was right there. I still have that red bandanna. The thing is, you never know. Like, had I at least|maybe said something. You never know. But anyway, the point is,|I totally realized... you know, fate. There is fate,|but it only takes you so far... because once you're there,|it's up to you to make it happen. You are so definitely right. I know. So look. Don't make the same mistake I did. If you really want to be with him,|get back on that phone... and call Barry Manilow|and tell him how you feel. I didn't want him. It's okay.|I don't think it's weird. I mean, come on. Scott Baio. We all have our things. And I'm ready to fake A chance again Ready to put my love|on the line With you You are a no-talent,|posturing little smurf! Really? That's not what your girlfriend|said last night in your van. You guys are such amateurs.|I quit! Way to go.|Why don't you just take off the T-shirt? - Me?|- You! We were fine until you pulled out|that stupid hat. This hat is not stupid! This hat is cool. - Way to go, man.|- What the hell did I do? Get outta here! I'll be the band, dudes. Hey, I know this song. I know this song. The guy I tutored in math|used to make me listen to it. Wild Bill !|Rock and roll! Take me down|to the paradise city Where the grass is green|and the girls are preffy Oh, won't yoi please take me home Get offl Far away So far away Caf in the cenfer|has been forn apart - He is so cute!|- I know. Tear me a rug|Take me back to the start I'll scream loose in my mind|Are you blind Oh, my God! Oh, yeah! Dale! Sign my yearbook! You know what? My retainer kind of looks|like a Klingon warship. Fire photons. This is the greatest night|of my lifel - Get up.|- What? - I got to pee.|- You are not peeing in here. - It's a bathroom.|- I'm aware of that by now. Are you gonna move?|'Cause I'm gonna go. You are disgusting. I cannot listen to this. So were you saving up|all that stuff to tell me? You really want to talk about this|while you're doing that? Geez, it could've been on your mind|the last six years. You might've mentioned something. When? When you were ignoring me|in the halls? When you were writing "Denise Fleming's|a tampon" on my locker freshman year? I did not write|"Denise Fleming is a tampon." Just like you didn't destroy|my Cabbage Patch Kid in second grade. Second grade? Besides, I admitted that|right away. No, you didn't. When I picked her up,|her head fell off, you started to cry. That kind of tipped me off. I did not cry. Much. Fine. I told John Keiserman|to write "Denise Fleming is a tampon." I felt really bad afterwards. It's all right. I told... Diana Yellin you were|a dendrophiliac. What is that? It's someone who has sex with trees. That's not funny. - Oh, Bill!|- He's with me. He asked me|to hold his laser pointer. Now, ladies, ladies, please. Both of you can hold|my laser pointer anytime. Come on. Did those two girls just go|in the make-out room with... William Lichter? - Yeah.|- They're so lucky. Hey, man. You want a beer? Trip McNealy. No way, man. Geez. You were a sexual icon. You know, girls at Huntington|still talk about you. Really? Which ones? You must be rackin' up at college.|College. I wish. I can't even get|digits as a freshman. Shut up. Come on.|You can tell me. Seriously, man. I thought college|was gonna be a 24-7 orgy. That's even why I broke up|with Janeen before I left. So what happened? College chicks|are totally different, bro. They're all serious and shit. They all talk about world issues|and "ecolomological" crap. They all wanna date older guys. Yeah, but not all of 'em, right? Way it goes. Hell, I even tried crawling back|to Janeen. She was all cozy with some senior. He's a premed. They all are. Guys like us,|we are a dime a dozen. Speaking of which... you still with that Amanda chick? She was a prize piece|if I ever saw one. Yeah. Me and Amanda, definitely. Yep. You're lucky, bro. - Sure am.|- Stay with her. That's the best advice|I can give you. Oh, that and... bring rubber flip-flops|to the shower. I got warts all over my feet. Take it easy, Trip. All right. Amanda! Have you seen Amanda Beckett? No. Preston? I don't know. Well, his hair's kinda,|I don't know, brown. No, it's not really brown.|Oh, he's tall. Yeah. He's kinda tall,|sorta tall. And he's like always wearin',|like, T-shirts. Sometimes. - So he's sort of tall?|- Kind of. - With hair?|- Yeah. And he wears T-shirts sometimes? - Yeah.|- Yes. - That's it?|- Well-- I mean, he's Preston. He's Preston, you know? I like that guy. You know who else I like|who never got much play... is Velma from "Scooby Doo." Right.|She was also a cool-- - She was a hip lady.|- Hip chick. - Watch it!|- Amandal Oh, God. Mike, get off. Can't I hug my girl if I want? I am not your girl,|and you're obviously drunk. - So--|- Wait. We need to talk. - About what?|- Us. There is no us. No, but there is, see, 'cause... I've been doing|a lot of thinking... and I think-- I think-- I think we should|get back together. Why? - What?|- Why? Give me one good reason why-- No. You know what?|Screw that. No, Mike. My answer is no. You mean you don't want me|to take you back? 'Cause I'm serious about this.|You should really think about this. Think about what? That you're|a childish, self-centered asshole? Take me back? Please. Look. You're drunk,|and we're over. Why don't you just walk away now|and save yourself the embarrassment? Oh, yeah? Yeah, well, you're the one... Amanda, who's gonna be embarrassed. Who's gonna want you now? Somebody. Somebody? More like... nobody. Gosh, Mike,|you really got me there. Fag! Shut up! Yes! I'll kick everyone's ass|in this room! Now that Mike is|completely out of the picture... I was thinking maybe you'd like|to come to my van... and I could turn that frown|upside down. Amanda, hey,|I just saw what happened, and I-- Oh, God, you're a hottie! Can I see you naked? Remember that time you danced|with me at the sock hop? I never told you,|but I had the hugest boner. - Maybe we could work things out.|- Let me get you out of that skirt. You're lookin' good. Hey, Amanda, do you want|some watermelon? Amanda, I love you ! Listen. I know that must sound|really strange, but-- Excuse me. I've always felt there was|this unspoken connection between us... ever since the first time I saw you when|you were holding my favorite Pop Tart. And the truth is, I'm leaving tomorrow.|If we could go someplace-- Oh, you know what?|That is enough ! God, I haven't even been single|for like five minutes... and already you think... that I am just gonna strip off|my clothes and do you right here... because, I don't know,|I don't know... you imagined that we shared|some intimate moment that you... have probably been drooling over|for the past four years! How sick and deluded are you? You know, why don't you just|go off and get yourself... a goddamn life, asshole? Thanks, man. That was the funniest thing|I've seen all night. Oh, man.|I hope you guys are okay. Don't stick that probe there, Daddy! Hey, buddy! Hey. You have to come outside with me,|man, 'cause we are-- There is-- There's this chick out there--|There's two chicks out there-- They're triplets, man. Huh? You're not gonna believe what they're|doin', not 'cause I made it up... but because it is so... unbelievable, man. Come on out to the pool house with me|'cause they told me... that they want you to watch 'em. They want you to watch 'em.|So we're goin' out. Come on. To the pool house. Come on. I'm a loser. I broke up with the hottest girl|in school. My friends all sold me out. Someone in there called me a fag. Why? I'll make love to you Like you want me to And I'll hold you fight The right stuff You loved the New Kids. The acid-washed jeans. With the built-in rips.|You were a fashion victim from the womb. Thank you.|I've gotten better since then. Yeah, if you need to fit|a family of five in your pants. Shut up. These are cool. All right.|But the goggles. Everybody's wearing these. All right. Okay, my turn. - What?|- The shoes. What is wrong with my shoes?|What? What? Do they serve|an orthopedic function? No. Fine.|What about your shoes? - What's wrong with my shoes?|- Is there a mission to the moon later? Yeah. - Your feet smell.|- They do not. I'm the king of beer! You still didn't sign|my yearbook. Actually, I'm trying to get everybody|to sign by their own picture. Oh, my God. Oh, shit. What is wrong with everybody? These are memories|frozen in time, people! A love-struck Romeo Sings a sfreetsuss serenade Layin' everybody low With a love song that he made Finds a sfreetlight Steps ouf of the shade|says something like You and me, babe|How about if Juliet says|Hey, if's Romeo You nearly gave me a heart aftack He's underneath the window She's singing|Hey, my boyfriend's back Shouldn't come around here|singing up af people like that Who needs her? You know what they say|about women and trolley cars, right? There's plenty of 'em in the sea.|Am I right? You are correct. You're 110 percent right. - Let me ask you something. Wait.|- What? You remember the time... that you had to make|that really stupid speech... and I kinda sorta tripped you... and everybody started laughing|at you in school? Okay, yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. Oh, man.|Hey, don't worry about it, man. Hey, it's ancient history, right? It's ancient history. - When was that anyway?|- That was this morning at graduation. Oh, yeah. You think I could get a shirt? You know, for nostalgia? Yeah. What would you think|about a reunion? Nothing big. A few new songs.|Mostly old stuff. I could be into that. Sure. Why not? When we were in love|you used to cry Said I love you|like the sfars above - I love you, man !|- I love you too. How's my boys? Yo, what's up with my niggas, man? - Cold floor! Cold floor.|- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's okay. Have you ever done this before? Yeah. Yeah. No. Why, have you? Yeah, once. It was this guy-- I don't want to know. You're right.|I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Are they gone? Are they still here?|- I think they're gone, man. If they were still here,|I'd break 'em like Kato! Cops! Let's bail! This is it.|I knew we could do it. One, two, three! Everybody freeze! The cops! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!|Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Bill, you never signed|my yearbook. - We can hide in the pool house.|- What the-- Hey, viva la pool house, right? - Come on !|- Pool house. Pool house. Mike! My pants! Back here, Billy. Mike, wait. It worked. All right,|take off their clothes. Get the Polaroid. Look at you, mister.|I'm a big football jock. How do you like me now, buddy? Look. My flashlight. Oh, no. It's William. Oh, God. Let's get outta here. Jesus cribs! Let's load these sickos|into the wagon. Well. So-- You know-- It gets better. - What?|- Well... next time, you know... you won't be--|It can go for longer. No, that's not what I meant. I meant that since|we'd never done it before... together, that-- How do you know|it wasn't your fault? You said yourself|you'd only done it one time before. Does that made you|some kind of expert? I never said I was an expert. 'Cause my shit could've been|slammin' with somebody else. What? Look, baby. It ain't your fault|you lack the flavor. You asshole. - Who the hell is in here?|- Don't you even knock? This is my house! Yeah? You should fix that door! - Don't touch me. You make me sick.|- Get out! - Denise!|- Get out! - I'm trying to!|- Well, let me help you! Now, get out! What is your problem? My problem?|You want to know what my problem is? I'll tell you what my problem is! Are you just gonna walk home? It's not that far. Just-- Just stop, okay? Look, just slow down a sec,|would you? I want to explain. - Don't bother.|- No, no, no. Come on. Look, I'm-- I'm sorry. You know-- Yeah. I shouldn't have said--|You know. I'm sorry too. So. Lichter! Lichter! - William!|- What? Let's go!|Time to get up! Your parents are here|to take you home. Oh, God! My parents! Have you seen them?|Are they really angry? Have you seen my father?|Does he have a weapon? Afraid not. Actually, they're more worried|about you than anything else. You know, 'cause it's|not your fault that... "Mike Dexter beat you up and forced you|to drink alcohol until you passed out." He wh-- what? That's the statement|we got from the Dexter kid. He made you drink,|took your clothes off-- Yeah, you know. It's just funny|that he finally... came clean, you know. Mike, always pickin' on me, yeah. Oh, God. Well, whatever. It might be a good idea|to lay off that alcohol. Your life's gonna go down the crapper,|unless that's what you're goin' for. - Thank you.|- You bet. - Thank you.|- You're welcome. - That a boy.|- Thank you. Easy now. All right. Thank you. To your right. Did you like The flowers I sent You could've called to thank me Well, you could've called And I tried to kiss you On Brooklyn Avenue Buf you got in your car Before I could move And I've been Falling like the rain You've got your imbrella In my way Fists and fingers Tongues and feeth I wanna see you Get out. Are you kidding me? Kenny Fisher? - You guys are a couple now?|- No. No. I don't know. Can I come to your wedding? I really should've taken this one|to the grave. Off of me, please. On to you.|Did you finally? Amanda? You did? And? It's okay. I'm okay. You know, I-- We weren't meant to be,|which sucks, but... I know it's over, it's done. I don't know. Maybe there isn't|such a thing as fate. And maybe it's all bullshit. I feel like-- maybe it was a hero's trial. Something to make me|come out a better person. I'm trying to make the best of it. God. It would've been cool|to make out with her, though. Would you make out with me? - Call me when you get there.|- Definitely. Take care. Gimme a hug. Take care of yourself, okay? Just so you know. Just judging from|my little experience last night... I do think there's|such a thing as fate. It just works|in really fucked-up ways sometimes. Especially in your case. I'm sorry. You gave that to me.|I had to take it. Peace out, G. Nobody understands|the value of a yearbook. - Memories are all we have.|- That's what I've been saying. All I know is, tonight... I'm gonna be at some bar|with chicks all over me. And you guys... are gonna be at home|with your lame-ass girlfriends. - Maybe we should break up with them.|- That's what I'm sayin'. I never got a chance to thank you|for covering for me last night. Thanks for telling the cops|all that stuff. I don't think I'm gonna be drinking|like that for a while. - That stuff you said--|- Yo! Yo! Who said you could sit|with us, geek? Shouldn't you be home|playing with your computer? Yeah, why don't you go home,|watch "Star Trek," Urkel? Urkel. That's genius! When will I see you again Yo, you want some of this? Precious moments Are we in love Or jusf friends Or is this the end The Boston Bullet|now boarding at frack 28. Will passengers with tickefs|for the Bosfon Bullef... please board af track 28. Excuse me. I think you dropped this. What are you doing here? Well, your dad told me that you'd|be here, so I thought that I would-- - That's my letter.|- Thought it was my letter. Yeah, of course it's your letter.|I just-- - Did you read it?|- Yeah. Let me just say that I don't know|what I put in that letter. - I wrote it so many times that it--|- Thank you. Thank you. I mean, you're welcome. So... you're leaving now? God. Yeah. - It's just--|- Really bad timing? Yeah. I've got this workshop|with Kurt Vonnegut, and-- - He's my hero and--|- Wow! That's great.|That's really great. Congratulations. Thanks. Well, you should--|You should probably go, then. Maybe it's better this way. Maybe I should just be single|for a while or something. Sure. Maybe it's like you said. You know, all this happened|for a reason. I said that, didn't I? Well... Preston, good luck. Yeah, you too. I'll see ya. All I needed was the love you gave All I needed for another day And all I ever knew Only you This is gonna take a long time And I wonder what's mine Can't fake no more You know... there's probably a later train|I could take. I can't believe we jumped William. Yeah. I can't believe|we didn't go in to the party. - It probably sucked anyway.|- Probably. Those people are totally boring. Yeah. This town is so lame. Tell me about it. Nothing exciting ever happens here. |
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